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Old 11-10-2021, 09:05 AM   #1
cinnamonsun
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Default My Family And My Disease

The other day I had a conversation with my dad. And I am still a little baffled about it. I mentioned doing radioactive treatment for my disease at the end of 2019 and how I almost died, and he was like, "What, you did? Your disease was this serious?" And I was like...you drove me to the appointment, and yeah, yeah it is. What did you think was happening when I could barely walk and spent months in bed? How could my own father basically tune out of the fact I was close to death and if I hadn't done that procedure I would have died. I have told him countless times that I take my thyroid supplement at 9am and for an hour afterwards, I can't eat anything. And I can't eat before. So he makes me breakfast and expects me to eat it and I'm like, "I can't eat anything for an hour, I will have it later." And he's like, "Oh." Um. Oh? I have said this a million times.

I get there is probably some kind of memory issue going on because he's elderly, but there are times I feel like screaming. Because I must repeat myself over and over and over and over and over again about my condition. I wish people in my family would just understand it better. It makes me feel rude and unthankful every time he makes me breakfast at the wrong time and I have to say, "I'm sorry I can't eat this right now but thank you." I can't live the same way you do. I don't have the same routine that you do. But thank you.

My mom, I don't think she even cares I have a disease or what I went through. She didn't show any support or interest. The one time I did try to talk about it with her, she changed the subject to be about her and her health problems. I don't think she's aware I was very ill, almost crippled and close to dying. She never asked how I was doing, never asked about progress, never showed any kind of care or support when I went through that. When I could barely walk and move, I still got up to make tea and meals because no one would bother to do it for me or assist me. I remember one time I commented that, whenever I go to the ER, she never seems to care. Never asks what's going on and she just shrugged and said, "You always have some kind of medical problem so I just ignore it." Wow. Okay. If something had happened to me, I don't think she'd care. I hate that I feel that way, but I do. She'd just shrug.

No one in my family, even extended family, sent cards or flowers. I see movies and shows where people receive all this love and support through their illness and I wish I knew what that was like. In my family, I am the invisible one. The one that is usually passed over, the one no one really talks about or thinks about. The one that is never heard. During my illness, everything was about my brother and I was dragged through all this BS and drama. And no one cared I was fighting for my life during it all.

But at least I am alive, and I survived. So I am thankful to be here, even if no one else is.
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Old 11-10-2021, 02:37 PM   #2
Yaowen
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Default Re: My Family And My Disease

I am so sorry about the situation you are in with your family. It must be so demoralizing for you. Wish I knew what to say that would help.
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Old 11-10-2021, 03:27 PM   #3
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Default Re: My Family And My Disease

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
I am so sorry about the situation you are in with your family. It must be so demoralizing for you. Wish I knew what to say that would help.
To be honest, just an expression of compassion is enough for me.

I needed to vent about this and feel better. My family is what it is. My dad doesn't have emotions and doesn't have empathy, never has. I believe he is either autistic or he has a personality disorder. I don't really hold it against him. I just get exasperated at times. He lacks social skills and doesn't understand simple human connections, conversations, or even how to listen. He has compulsions to speak all his thoughts out loud and constantly make noise. I understand it's not his fault, but it gets exhausting for me. If I tell him I need quiet or silence, he can only do it for a minute or so, he can't handle or control himself and must either talk nonstop or make noise. And I am someone who needs a lot of peace and quiet. As you can imagine, living together is challenging. I love my dad though.

But do I lose my patience? I do.

My mom is very self focused. She was abused but she can't seem to get beyond it. She married someone incapable of loving her the way she needed and she doesn't love herself. She's consistently depressed, bitter, resentful and miserable. And while I understand this is more because of what goes on within her, she was never able to show love or be present as a mother in the way I needed her to be, because she was too consumed with her own internal problems and not getting what she wanted. She wonders why people don't like her or want to be around her, she is often so negative, chronically complains, puts people down, judges and is just...she has been downright mean to me and heartless. I am sad for her because she didn't make the choice she needs to heal, but why must I pay for the rest of my life? She abused me and she knows it.

Now I have to spend the rest of my life healing. But I will. I am a survivor and I am happy I was able to survive that disease.
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Old 11-14-2021, 09:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: My Family And My Disease

You say no one does anything for you yet your elderly father makes you breakfast every day (sure the timing is wrong but it’s more than other people get). And you live in their home which again more than other adults get. I understand they don’t show emotional support and it’s sad but when you say they do “nothing” I am confused
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