[Ryobi]

Do any of you find that on different sites you tend to create a number of accounts and whenever you feel like a certain person you log on to a certain account which makes posts in the style of that personality?

For instance, on 3 sites I have had numerous accounts:

One is a young girl (15) with an obvious mental disability because some of the time that's how I feel like my brain can't make the right connections, that it's just unable to make even basic links without help. She hit her head on the floor tiles after falling down the stairs when she was 6, suffered minor brain damage and now has an IQ of 85 and is utterly determined to live as a normal person and overcome this disability, she's convinced herself it is temporary. On that account I take at least half an hour to structure a post, family is incredibly important to that part of me and I always talk about personal subjects on that account. But she's a pretty basic character, not much personality, hidden intellect, black and white view of the world, very spiritual and pretty much restricted to the standard of communication that her disability allows. Usually she comes out when I feel worthless, useless, confused and really want to share past experiences.

Another is a mormon girl (12-13) with very devout beliefs, I know this character is in control when I can pick up on people's thoughts, personalities and feelings simply by looking at what they've posted but not wanting to use this information in any way. I find that in this persona, the girl (account name Pengwin) gets quite distressed because she believes that this ability to read between the lines isn't human, it's all knowing/all seeing and only God should be able to do these things. She tries to be perfect and please everyone. She can't bring herself to hate any living thing and tends to love, accept and care naively. Pengwin is also incredibly uncomfortable in relationships, social and intimate situations, unable to take compliments and has many anxiety issues. Whenever I hear a dog bark, she's the one who must get up and check repeatedly that the dog hasn't gotten out and bailed someone up or killed them. This girl is very young mentally and is my innocent side, the one I use whenever I worry and I only really cry while in this mindset and the more distressed this persona gets, the younger she seems to act.

Then there is an irish guy called 'Bo Sundin' who sees everything from a scientific point of view however deep inside is strictly religious because of how he was brought up although still manages to be completely obsessed with things that are taboo, paranormal or otherwise forbidden. Pretty conflicted character but very, very logically minded. He is 19, likes to argue, is very prejudiced, has a huge ego problem, incredibly high standards and is gifted with connecting, interpreting, theorising and distinguishing trends and patterns. He seems to have quite a few aspergers tendencies, doesn't know he hurts people with what he says, that he's being rude and believes that balance is the key to everything. He makes a lot of insulting comments, dislikes a lot of people at first because he sees them as stupid and tends to always speak his mind. He lives in a country town in Ireland called Glin with only his dad, he can't even remember his mum. Bo is an apprentice chef who prefers not to follow recipes but instead goes by his intuition and loves to experiment with different tastes and smells. He has a knack for attracting people, is a pretty macho guy. When I am hit with sudden burst of intellect, brilliance and reasoning skills I know it's Bo.

Another one is emotionless and has no gender or age. While 'Pengwin' is uncomfortable in intimate situations, I find myself also holding back because of this person (what if someone was to find out???) and this mindset also gives me these unwanted thoughts that I am superior or that I feel nothing for this person because they aren't my equal. Which is so far from true. This personality comes out when people on forums start to try and dig deeper and ask questions about topics I don't want to go into. This personality has the same ability to read between the lines as 'Pengwin' however uses this ability in the opposite way to 'Pengwin'.

Another one is a girl called Sarah, around the age of 21, she is laid back and a genuinely normal person however deeply troubled by her sexuality, she always checks out other girls but doesn't want to be lesbian as she's disgusted that she is a female herself so these feelings really seem to get to her. She makes friends easily, doesn't see what's wrong about taking drugs or drinking, she's able to mask every feeling and anxiety, has a really strong sense of humour and tends to use it a lot in order to get on people's good sides. She can very easily dominate social situations, feels completely comfortable flirting with random guys and being in relationships and has a hell of a lot of control over herself and her actions. However she also knows she can use this to manipulate whoever she likes. Her speech is slurred and deep and she tends to have disjointed sleep patterns, hallucinating during the night. She tends to come out more, once I've been on a forum for a while and become less restricted in what I'm willing to say or share. She just wants to have a good time, experience, experiment and stop herself from seeing girls the way she does.

At the moment another personality is starting to develop, one which is a highly functioning autistic child. Can't make eye contact, speaks very disjointedly and flatly, they can't control their body to an extent and has hard trouble understanding social cues, subtle jokes and other people's emotional states. But this is a very basic persona right now and is more of a coping mechanism for when Pengwin gets to flustered in social situations. When that happens she switches to this other child.

I find that due to this method of pulling myself apart, I hardly know who I really am anymore. What I find strange is that, none of these personalities are the same age as me in real life (16) they're either older or younger.

Everyone must do this to an extent though so what are your experiences with this problem?

[Hunny]

Ryobi:

Although we weren't able to read every one of the paragraphs that you sent...we ask, you okay there?

"Do any of you find that on different sites you tend to create a number of accounts and whenever you feel like a certain person you log on to a certain account which makes posts in the style of that personality?"

This is not familiar to us as we don't log-on elsewhere, but why not keep reading and posting and maybe something will 'click' for you here. You have posted in DD Forum, so it seems pretty likely you are where you should be posting. We all just basically use one account here (part of the rules of PC).

Ryobi, it would be interesting to ask yourself who posted this thread of all of the personalities above or are you someone else?

This particular Forum is for people with Dissociative Disorders but you need to investigate whether or not you fit with this by going to a T. There is lots of criteria for determining where you fit, if at all, if you read the information above each Forum.

You may not receive too many responses to your request b/c you have used the little red trigger button and many may find that too disturbing to open. For us, we just read your question to get the jist of what you are asking. It is not out of lack of concern as much as out of self protection...

H

It is difficult to know what you are experiencing. i agree with Hunny that a therapist would be the way to go in finding out the basis of your various personas. Much peace and goodness to you and yours.

[Ryobi]

Thanks for the replies, I am fine. I knew that not many people actually do this, obviously Sarah didn't.

To answer your question about which personality wrote the above, that was Sarah/Eske. She seems to be the most preoccupied with this kind of issue and structures problems to do with herself in 3rd person or in reference to others. Which is the format used here.

What I want to experiment with on this site and a few others, is to instead use one account in correspondence with all of these internet personality/aliases.

As for dissasociative disorders, yeh, I don't have one as this doesn't interfere with my every day life to a significant enough extent, also it doesn't affect me in a dissasociating way. There is no amnesia and this doesn't resemble 'fugue'. While one personality is being projected, the rest are still internal and can comment on what this personality is doing.

Maybe I should go see a T about it, if no one really relates to what has been said.

Shame I can't remove the trigger button, it was a mistake.