[3eyesofwisdom]

I have been having flashbacks that i do not understand. I used to only have night terrors. Now i am going to another place and time. I am safe at home and i am somewhere else. I don't know what to do. I lost my therapist today because he appears to have been a moneygrubber. My hubby is mad at him. Therapy has been nothing but abuse this year, or so it seems. I feel more alone than ever. I went looking for books in town. I will have to order one online. I know i cannot be scared. I must believe in myself as a hero. I must believe I am a warrior. I am trying these things because i cannnot find the help i need. I
what scares me is not knowing what really is happening. the therapist said i made that deal with him. I don't remember doing so. Either he is lying or i did. But just because we forget things doesn't mean we are wrong. It doesn't mean we do bad things. But they make me feel crazy. I feel like i dont even know where i am half the time.
i am feeling unsafe and alone. i never understood. i know more than ever and nothing has helped me but myself. I do have a hubby who tries and is usually good and supporting. it has helped a lot.
the ptsd is scary. i dont know what to do so i just tell myself where i really am if i can and i tell myself i am safe and i am not afraid because i am awarrior.

[Miri]

Yes, you are a warrior, and we all have that within us, I believe. It is not always easy to be a warrior, there needs to be balance, a soft and vulnerable part, too. I am so sorry that you have faced adversity in a place intended to be safe. Leave it behind, and I hope that you will find another place that truly is safe. It is very hard to do the remembering alone. There is support here. It is one kind of help, but has limitations. Take care of yourself.