Subject: Who is Starlite*111 she knows not who she is

You can never say you know me, because I don't know me.

I have many names, many ages, many attitudes, many personalities, many hiden, many hibernating, many stuck, many lost, many pretending.

Suzie 1 and Suzie 2, There is Sweet Sue, Zelda, Witching Woman, Claudette Veron, Mother, closet child, grown child - but not grown, Professional Susan, Sister Sue, Tonya, Angel, baby Q, Suzie Q, vampriestess, depressed sue, manic sue, paranoid sue, anxious sue, hateful sue, angry sue, mean sue, strong sue, shameful sue, protective sue, social sue,Wild Woman, number sue, not there sue, the wife, the carer mommie and momma of my children, the writer of poetry, the person who sees beauty from a camera lens - But who is Sue...

If you notice there was never a daughter sue.

Each had to stop in time and become who ever fit the current situation.
Susan could fit into any situation, could mingle with every type of crowd. Very good at what she had to do, what she had to be at any given time.
I floated above myself and watched me perform -

Yet all the time hating it. Feeling insecure. Not wanting to be there. Feeling shame for what I was doing. Not wanting to do the things I did. Not being who I was really, who ever that was suppose to be.

As I write this my stomach is feeling sick.

As I write the many faces of Susan are trying to pop out. But I won't let them or I will be caught in that emotion.

At this very moment I feel sad, hurt, lonely - yet that's all I know and all I am comfortable with.

I was told that I am to be the mother of myself and go back to each Susan or Sue, go back to each trauma and let her know it's okay now. To hold her, comfort her, let her know she is protected and nothing can hurt her anymore.

The mother wants first to go down to the baby Suzie that lays in the closet under the dirty clothes. The one that holds herself inside of a black box. She is the one I must go to first, but I can't. There is so much pain there. To much I think to bare. Yet, I can see mother me, holding her, but she is so small, so scared. She only knows she has to hide.

I must stop now as the very small Suzie is curling up tighter and tighter into her dark black box.

You can never say you know me, because I don't know me.

[ZilchHour]

First of all, for the "poet Susan"; here is raw translation of the wise words by Khalil Gibran:
I have never been speechless in my life time
Save one occasion
When one asked me:
“Who am I?”

Now for the other Susans, I have respect and regard. You have endured the pain, shown great courage and most importantly brought us the wisdom and experience. The words you have composed are not ordinary or usual but contain something very educating for the mind and enlightening for the soul. These bear the sweet taste of clean water rivers which carry in tem all great minerals of the mountains and plains through which they have ran!
This would not lessen you pain or ease your grief, but you can be sure that at the least your words have found one pair of ears who listened and a heart that tried to understand despite its own limitations.

Regards
ZILCH HOUR

Originally Posted by zilchhour

First of all, for the "poet Susan"; here is raw translation of the wise words by Khalil Gibran:
I have never been speechless in my life time
Save one occasion
When one asked me:
“Who am I?”

Now for the other Susans, I have respect and regard. You have endured the pain, shown great courage and most importantly brought us the wisdom and experience. The words you have composed are not ordinary or usual but contain something very educating for the mind and enlightening for the soul. These bear the sweet taste of clean water rivers which carry in tem all great minerals of the mountains and plains through which they have ran!
This would not lessen you pain or ease your grief, but you can be sure that at the least your words have found one pair of ears who listened and a heart that tried to understand despite its own limitations.

Regards
ZILCH HOUR

Thank you dearest ZILCH.... I have no words for your understanding and knowledge

[Yoda]

I do not know the intricacies of Starlite well but I do know she is my friend and makes me smile.

[Miracle1986]

(((((starlite)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( starlite )))))))))))))))))

[LivingMiracle]

My heart goes out to all of your starlite
Please take gentle care of yourself and know that we all care about all of you

[anderson]

thany you starlite you are not alone fore hear you and know what pain is. my you find shelter from the storm. for your honesty

[ZilchHour]

You are always welcome Starlite!

[perpetuallysad]

You are wonderful in all your manifestations. You were the first person to ever reach out to me here and that makes you very special to me.

[possum220]

((((Starlite))))) thank you from all of me - you make me smile and laugh and feel better.

You are kind
giving
funny
special............

[Briester]

((((Starlite)))) I for one feel honored to be your friend. You were my first one here at PC and I thank you. When I see you've stopped by or get picture or words from you it always brings a smile to my face. Thank you to all the Sue's who make my day better.

[Hunny]

Starlite,

Royalty comes to mind when I think of you. Sometimes it is just obvious.

How can I thank you enough for knowing about the bottom of the closet.

...reaching...to...friend...

Originally Posted by starlite*111

Subject: Who is Starlite*111 she knows not who she is

You can never say you know me, because I don't know me.

I have many names, many ages, many attitudes, many personalities, many hiden, many hibernating, many stuck, many lost, many pretending.

Suzie 1 and Suzie 2, There is Sweet Sue, Zelda, Witching Woman, Claudette Veron, Mother, closet child, grown child - but not grown, Professional Susan, Sister Sue, Tonya, Angel, baby Q, Suzie Q, vampriestess, depressed sue, manic sue, paranoid sue, anxious sue, hateful sue, angry sue, mean sue, strong sue, shameful sue, protective sue, social sue,Wild Woman, number sue, not there sue, the wife, the carer mommie and momma of my children, the writer of poetry, the person who sees beauty from a camera lens - But who is Sue...

If you notice there was never a daughter sue.

Each had to stop in time and become who ever fit the current situation.
Susan could fit into any situation, could mingle with every type of crowd. Very good at what she had to do, what she had to be at any given time.
I floated above myself and watched me perform -

Yet all the time hating it. Feeling insecure. Not wanting to be there. Feeling shame for what I was doing. Not wanting to do the things I did. Not being who I was really, who ever that was suppose to be.

As I write this my stomach is feeling sick.

As I write the many faces of Susan are trying to pop out. But I won't let them or I will be caught in that emotion.

At this very moment I feel sad, hurt, lonely - yet that's all I know and all I am comfortable with.

I was told that I am to be the mother of myself and go back to each Susan or Sue, go back to each trauma and let her know it's okay now. To hold her, comfort her, let her know she is protected and nothing can hurt her anymore.

The mother wants first to go down to the baby Suzie that lays in the closet under the dirty clothes. The one that holds herself inside of a black box. She is the one I must go to first, but I can't. There is so much pain there. To much I think to bare. Yet, I can see mother me, holding her, but she is so small, so scared. She only knows she has to hide.

I must stop now as the very small Suzie is curling up tighter and tighter into her dark black box.

You can never say you know me, because I don't know me.

Thank all of you - thank all of you that you are here and I have a place where I feel safe and have others of knowledge of our pain. Only I know how much you All mean to me.

[miray]

((((((starlite))))))