Well, that was new.

Well, on the way home dad stopped to help this guy who needed help because his car broke down. Well, that was okay, except he decided to drive some extra so he made sure the guy got to where he had to go. The more we drive, the more anxious I get. I just want to go home so bad, but didn't really have the guts to tell my dad because he was doing good deeds.

Well, wad'ya know happens next?
If you guessed an altered state of consciousness then you would be correct!

(it seems I'm having trouble posting this because then I'd think that you'd think that I'm utterly crazy )

I didn't notice my surroundings that much as we continued driving my eyes almost completely closed except for a little sliver of vision at the bottom. In my mind though, I was no longer human, but a dog! I made a very detailed description in my head...but I find this sort of thing embarrasing. What, turning into animals and such. So, the closest picture representation would be this: (which isn't all that inaccurate, just with floppy ears, black and white instead of brindle, and a lot chubbier like a sausage lol)

http://lotusdogz.deviantart.com/art/Pit-69262446

whith my obsession with cats, you think my brain would pick a cat instead of a dog, and you'd think my brain would pic a dog breed that I love like an akita, but my brain does not work that way. In the end though....is that really the important thing? I don't think that it is. With this metamorphasis I was calm, or rather numb to anything except the swirly daze that somes with such mind-altering. I gotld just picture doggy-me laying down contently with it's eyes almost closed, looking out the side windows where it paws were resting and have the wind from the front seat with it's thousands of interesting scents wafting through my nose.

It didn't quite end there, as my mind began to wander. What kind of family does doggy-me have? I imagined them being like some of the mountain men up herewho are pretty down to earth and have a strong moral compass, with a kid who was somewhere between a kid and a teenager. Even still I decided to go back to that special little forest where some of the others reside and use my doggy teeth to bite the hands that try to grab them. Being a canid certainly has it's advantages when protecting others, and I felt thrilled on some level.

So I thought, hmmm, why not try picturing myself as a cat? It didn't work as well even though I really do like cats way more then dogs. Oh well, I thought to myself. It's not such a bad thing. Eventually though I decided it was time to snap out of my spell as we were aproaching home. And I did with a bit of limited success, as the world still sems so blurry and I'm in a daze so that's why my thinking (and hence, writing) are so messed up right now.

But yeah.

[Kiya]

(((((((Kaika)))))))) safe hugs if you and doggie want them.

One of my alts is a wolf pup. We dunno why old t called her a feral wolf pup (oh yeah, cuz her eyes flash when she comes stroming in) but it stuck - even though we too are obsessed with cats, and do hiss when PO'd. But after sitting with it (like after 3 years) we realized that our cat was also abused (well that part we'd always known) and that we watched the cat have no power at all against the raging idiot who would then play calm and savior to the terrified cat - and then blame US for the cat being scared. at that age (10) we realized that a. the dad was a bad man and b. the cat had no power. Why be a cat when you have no power? Had to be something bigger - something fierce!

So why you would be a dog over a cat? worth siting with to figure out =)

Not crazy.
I think it was/is a way to calm yourself in a stressful situation.
We here love dogs and your description of the dog just enjoying the ride is so right for alot of dogs anyway. I think Doggy helped to protect you from the stress and the anxiety. A calm protector with a sense of justice.....and a big bite!!!

Hugs to you both

Awww, you guys make me smile (you are nicer to me then I am!)

I wish there was an element of control, because I could use that more often you know.

Like, how I've been feeling insecure and anxious this afternoon and while it doesn't affect my behavior that much, it really isn't a good thing either because it's not like I'm in my room right now and I don't have to worry about outside stimuli like the TV, my brother, other people in general. Which...makes things worse. My brother in particular is an issue right now with his anger issues but I'm not going into detail because then I'd need a trigger icon.

[Eriksplus]

You are not crazy at all.
we have a bunch of animls here, including a cyote and a fox.
I myself adore all animals; I have a cat and had a dog when I was younger.
(Kay)Erik

Everyone for your support and kindness

[Eriksplus]

My pleasure!
(kay)Erik

[DianasClan]

I like you discription of your doggy. It gave good visuals to have the link to the doggy picture. If we were to have an animal alter (not sure we realy dont) I would have to say it wpould be a cat. When mad we hiss and growl like a cat and in deffense we are first to use our nails. We love both dogs and cats as both have saved our life in thier own way. When we were young like 5 or 6 we had an arsinist set a fire under the house we were in right under our bedroom where our bed was located. Our puppy at the time Tinker got upset and could smell the fire. Befor you could see it he was standing at our bedroom door barking and would not stop. Some how our father found the fire befor any damage was done. If Tinker had not barked the fire would have burned through the floor and got my bed. Then flash forward some 14 years. We were engaged to a guy that turned out to be a jerk. We were so lonely and felt so unloved that we had considered ending it all. Diana's mother suggested we get a cat. That cats love saved us again. Right now we have 2 cats Fuzzybutt and goofball. They keep us going when all we want is to dissapear.

Thanks for posting this.
The clan

[Eriksplus]

Originally Posted by DianasClan

I like you discription of your doggy. It gave good visuals to have the link to the doggy picture. If we were to have an animal alter (not sure we realy dont) I would have to say it wpould be a cat. When mad we hiss and growl like a cat and in deffense we are first to use our nails. We love both dogs and cats as both have saved our life in thier own way. When we were young like 5 or 6 we had an arsinist set a fire under the house we were in right under our bedroom where our bed was located. Our puppy at the time Tinker got upset and could smell the fire. Befor you could see it he was standing at our bedroom door barking and would not stop. Some how our father found the fire befor any damage was done. If Tinker had not barked the fire would have burned through the floor and got my bed. Then flash forward some 14 years. We were engaged to a guy that turned out to be a jerk. We were so lonely and felt so unloved that we had considered ending it all. Diana's mother suggested we get a cat. That cats love saved us again. Right now we have 2 cats Fuzzybutt and goofball. They keep us going when all we want is to dissapear.

Thanks for posting this.
The clan

Tinker was very smart!
(Webber)Erik

[multipixie9]

Kaika,

I find your doggy a cool creative way to handle anxiety you could not avoid or control. My mind has never worked that way, I kinda wish it had. I definitely would have had a feline alt. Maybe even a panther. We definitely could haved used someone like that to protect us. We were the youngest and smallest and we had no power.

DID is a creative way to endure in the midst of severe troubles. What is less about having an animal alt than a human alt? Nothing that I can see.

I think the real problem here, if there even is one - is feeling insecure and being very hard on yourself. I think what you did to handle your anxiety is healthier than many other ways people handle anxiety.

Leah

Insecure is a good way to sum things up.
I've spent a good part of my life ostracized from other people my own age...for no reason in particular. Even going back to pre-school days. So even though it's silly, my auto-reaction if I start telling people these sorts of thing is that I'm being absoltely rediculous and stupid and people won't like me anymore or think less of me for it.

Though, I really must note that every alt seems to have an animal counterpart....Myself and the dog, Satchell and the rabbit, Sako and the Bat, Deer is well...just a deer, and another guy who really goes with any name because he doesn't really care so I just call him Kaoru, he's a crow for animal counterpart. The only one that actually IS an animal alt is Deer. The rest is just changeling stuff.

took the time to draw a picture

[Typo]

Hey Kaika, don't feel weird about the dog thing, Pip my alter is a coyote, which is odd since we have no particular attachment to coyotes. Dogs are great, and it probably is as others said a protection thing

sending hugs your way
Sparrow

XxXxX((((((((((BE CAREFUL, POSSIBLE TRIGGER)))))))))xXxXx

Blehhh...neighbors somewhere out there had fireworks,
Which you know is all well and good for them
After all, practically everybody has fireworks for the 4th of July, or at least a bonfire or something. But man, when they started going off it scarred the crap out of me. In my ears they sounded like slamming car doors.

So yeah, not feeling so great, I mean, they've stoped now...and I suppose I'm not really anxious anymore, but am still left with the residual effects afterwards too (body memories, and dizziness and feeling like it's getting hard to breathe) . I guess that was triggering.

[turquoisesea]

yeah the fireworks are so loud, at least it's just this night

[Kiya]

((((Kaika)))))) sounds like it was triggering =( be good to you!!!

[DLHsSystm]

Kaika,

Wow, that was a cool way your insides reacted to the anxiety. Sure beats meds. Your description was awesome. It made me feel calmer just reading it. Sounds kinda like shapeshifting.....

Mia

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that the fireworks triggered you so much.

BB

First: Thank you everyone
Second: They are still doing fireworks tonight

Ear plugs help alot!!!!
Inside little gets very triggered by fireworks and similar noises. I wore earplugs this time. It really helped.

[Kiya]

i know - i was resigned to the fireworks on the 4th - but since then, when they keep doing them - we jump every time (and swear loudly, lol).
You doing good things for you?

Yeah today, I went to the playground (to fulfill a promise)
and unlike the past few days, nobody was there!
(I don't like it when people are there)
I was swinging for awhile, I would have stayed longer but after awhile those chains hurt your hands...so after I just sat in the grass for a moment before going home. On the way home, I heard a meow and guess what? I looked over and there was this big orange tabby cat. She ran right up to me and wanted to be pet. I wanted to pick her up and take her home but we already have cats so I didn't. Though I did sick around and pet her for a minute or so...but I wanted to run home and tell mom because I was so excited!

[Eriksplus]

Originally Posted by Silversparrow

Hey Kaika, don't feel weird about the dog thing, Pip my alter is a coyote, which is odd since we have no particular attachment to coyotes. Dogs are great, and it probably is as others said a protection thing

sending hugs your way
Sparrow

Our Cyote is named Will.
(Dance)Erik

[turquoisesea]

awwwww YAY I love neighborhood kitties

Yeah, I saw the kitty a few more times, but then there was a bad storm and I havn't seen her since she's probably just hanging out inside in her favorite spot in the sunshine taking cat naps...she isn't stray because she is fat and therefore very well fed. And I've observed that the kitty is smart enough to not go into the road, or immediately get out of the road if a car is coming so I know she wasn't hit by a car, and doesn't follow people home. (maybe somebody beat me to the cat-napping? ) it was really fun while it lasted I suppose