[anderson]

OMG!!!!!! You got read this one ! In a past post I wrote about how some of my /our so called friends where so understanding that they wanted to prove that by allowing certain alters have their own relationships with other people. Now that ticked us off for the simple fact that was the time that they stopped talking to us face to face. Now do you all remember what they say about assuming it makes an “ ***** out of you and me” Now these so called friends because of the fact that we had a couple of public panic attacks went to the “professional adviser” And was told to stay away from us because we were having flash backs of being abused by military men and women. Now this was the kicker why could not we be having flash backs because the ones that caused them were not being so nice to us?????????
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But this one really tops it. Now these men started to bring their girl friends or boy friends around us and started to get lovey dovey with them. At this time we really had no one to talk with privately or even had a person to give us safe hugs. But what we did have thanks to rumors was a group of people that would talk to us then tell other their night time fantasy of what happen between this body and theirs. That was when some of us got ticked off and when they came near us pulling this crap we would sound off about ya keep it rub it into our faces what we can’t have. Why not when the only people you let near us are those that hurt us. Thank to you all we have no friends, no one to look forward to even just to talk because of how a few people thought we were doing something with certain people so they came up with a lot of lies to cover up the abuse that they where doing to us.
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Now where the heck was it even thought of that we were mad at them for having sex with their partner and not us. At face value and from my perception I said and meant how could you keep all the good people away from us leaving us in isolation from everyone.
Guess what I was just told “Sweety we honestly thought you just switched and did not remember who you had sex with last night.” Now as you can imagine by now some people lost their hearing for a little while. Not only that but some X-rated words did come out of my mouth so just use your imagination. You may be able to come up with just a few of what we called them.
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Now thanks to rumors and those that were willing to hurt us to make a point This body has slept with the majority of the military men and women of this town. Now My question is this if we were doing this so willing why did we lose our home, our jobs, and up to a point my son. Not only that if We were so unaware of what was going on why did we finely publicly ask for help to make it stop or start tearing into the people that where hurting us.
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Looking back at all of our attempts to get though to these people and they would not listen to us because others and a person with a Ph,D said this and that. Just totally floors us. That we had to endure all that we went through just because we could not get any one to say “Don’t worry they can’t send your son back to your bio-family. We got you covered.” No what did we hear No matter who or what you do we still love you but we can’t have you in our lives because of the choices that you made. Dip crap, we made those choices because no one would stand by our side and help protect my/our son from being taken from us or allow him to be accepted by other because of how others talked about us.
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If those here could see the faces of these people , it is comical in the way that they made ***** out of them selves. But what really gets them is that the memoirs of the younger ones of these people keeping them safe even though they turned their back on us was the one of the things that kept us here plus the fact that we stayed here for so long no matter what we said or did what those here said about us would just travel when they checked out our work history. People tend to forget that little fact. But we don’t, that little fact still haunts us. So here we are ticked off and still wanting to find a way back to our friends but really how much should a person go through just for the sack of bigotry and controlling from some one who that can not understand a person with DID/MPD.
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As you can tell we were ticked off last night. The thing still is when a group of people are not willing to accept those that are different from them. Then all is fair in getting rid of them. The only thing is that when I tried to leave these men would come and sit on us so that we could not leave. In truth our reputation is worthless not just from what we did do but from the lies told to keep others from learning who we really are. In the past few years we had a number of times lost all hope and tried to go to heaven. We got told that our soul would be lost forever. Now I have read the bible in the only reface is thu shell not kill. ….. But just think about it if those that are oppressing you convince you that you can not take your own life. Now our oppressors can but God will forgive them but not take your own life. To us it’s the ability of keeping you in a situation that you want out off but not having the ability to. Because if you did this then you are not only finding release from abuse but also taken away there servants in past history of all nations. Now I am not telling anyone that taken ones life is an answer because given a choice to live life with hope I/We will take life.
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But the part that has hurt our relationship with these people that at first befriended us. After we gave up hope that was when they could be in our lives. Now when we brought this up we got told that we were doing it to get attention or that a new alter was coming to the surface. WE told them if they could not be in our lives with good times then they had no business being in our lives just during the times we have given up hope. That is why to the adult in us they had lost their value to them/us.
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Well at least we are talking and I Think they are hearing us now. But we still Like Tiger Woods Quote the best. “It will not be in my words but in my actions that will show my change of heart.” May all those that have been hurt by those that were only out to protect their own shelf’s need finely see the damage that they have caused us and be able to see that which we need in order to survive in todays world.
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

[WePow]

(((((((((((((( anderson ))))))))))))))))))) BIG BIG safe hugs to you!!!!!!!

[Lillyleaf]

I wish you well and hope for you have only happy thoughts.

Snow

[Hunny]

Anderson,

Sorting through is not easy at the best of times. Know that you are not alone. I am here and the others and I am hoping for the best for you.

Hunny

[anderson]

Even the computer is giving us hard times. We lost our first attempt.
We wanted to say thank you for understanding that we are still putting the peices back to gether again just like humpty dumpty and all the kings men.
In truth we know our pain is more of letting go of the hope of a better past and future. The Enquire can't even hold a candle to the Flagstaff gossip mill. When looking back at history at all the big events You can tell that the one with the most power decided on how history was remembered it was not about being right or wrong it was about who had the power to make others bow before them.
We finely asked what value does it give to a person to clam stuff that hurt another person? This person would only say I don't know. We looked at him and said you want pleasure from my pain that is what makes say the things you say. The person just left the room.
During prayer time at church we are starting to ask that all of us here may find acceptance from those in the real world to. We may not get it today or tomarrow but those like us will be accepted some where, some how. In the old days by those closer to the spirit world we would be accepted.
WE just remember another part of our conversation with a good friennd here irl. The way we understand it is that the native american and other culters like them was broke down not becuase they had no god in thier lives but the fact that they totaly believed that it was a one to one relationship. Now the priest and everyone that wants to say that you have to go through them this really took away thier power. Because if it was truely one on one then no one had the right to condem you for the path you choice to take. The spiritual young will never listen to the spiritually old for the simple fact they are all mouth and no ears. LOL life is never boring for any of us.

[Hunny]

It is true that all we have is the present, Anderson. It simplifies things considerably for those of us who know that the past was all that some of our parts ever knew. Stuck there forever until they were allowed to come into the present and be embraced by us all or at the very least accepted by going to therapy and implimenting other supports.

Thanks once again for examining your own life to the blessing of the rest of us here.

Cheeiro,
Hunny

[Hunny]

Anderson, my heart is for you

I am sorry.

I had written more in my post to you on Monday but I wanted it to be just right so I deleted some of it. Just before I tried to respond to you I found out my little baby grandaughter was a pretty sick little munchkin. I was just so, exhausted, having cared for her sister when her mommy took her sister to the Doctor and worried, I was just so worried for her and the little family. Yesterday, was nursing her all day long...and so tired. Today, the fever broke and she is on the way to being mended.

Fortunately, thank God, she is on the road to healing.

I'm sorry I don't have the words right now for what I really wanted to say to you, so please forgive me. I have thought through a few things but want to be clear.

Hunny

[Hunny]

Anderson,

And I know your computer is giving you problems so you may not be able to read this for a few days...

So, here is what I have been wondering...

Perhaps this phd that you are referring to just has never had anyone in his/her family be traumatized by abuse. I find the therapists that are the most helpful have some of these issues in their family, not necessarily to them self. So, apparently they don't rely on their book knowledge only. Now don't get me wrong I wouldn't want someone with only say their intuition as their guide either. I think some of the people in the congregation I was in thought they could pray the person into healing. In a way they can eliminate some of the symptoms that way but as far as therapy goes the 'trained' and compassionate christian therapist, phd or not is by far and away my choice.

I have come across people here on PC who are training to be in the field of psychology and I feel that some of them are best to do research and some to work with people, they may even have had DID. It is in their make-up and personality plus their training. I hope that their supervisors will honestly tell them what are they might do best in. I have had my therapists pray for me as well as do OEI therapy as well as using their conventional training like CBT, etc etc.

It has been a God-send to me to find the right therapists and hope you don't give up searching and ask for 'more' of what you need when you can. You are so wonderful at researching health and healing for yourself, plus with your wonderful Nana, Papa & Mama, and have contributed so much here for all of us. I think you are remarkable!

Sincerely,
Hunny

ps I also tried to find a therapist that loved their wife and family more than their work and a therapist that took care of their physical, mental, emotional, psychological, educational, spiritual needs, in other words that took care of themself.

[anderson]

((((Hunny))) for listening to us.and yes we like that ideal to. we just having a hard time letting go of somethings but we are now able to cry so that we can let go.