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Old Apr 15, 2010, 10:53 AM
anderson's Avatar
anderson anderson is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2009
Location: getting use to my own skin again
Posts: 1,797
Sorry, needed to take time off to cry. It really hit us hard that the people that we had learn to trust had not only turn their backs on us but also held what the others did to us against us. The ones that we called Mama and Papa Bears where the people that known that we had fears but never once approached us in a sexual manner. But when someone passed rumors that we where being sexually with these people they felt that they had no choice to but to separate from us in the public eyes. That was when we started to be approached by others in a way that made us have pubic panic attacks. WE did go back to the ones we thought we could trust but it did not matter what we said. To them we had forgotten them or that we had switched again and we would go back to the ones that hurt us. The last 2 years we honestly thought that they did not care about us we endured the abuse of those around us because no one would take the time to be with us to learn the truth of who we are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That is what hurts us the most is that we not only had to choice to stop working because it had become the favorite past time for some of our co-workers to get into a panic attack but every time We/I thought that we could find someone to talk to later they would not talk with us or they would make passes at us. At this point there was no way for us to have a normal friendship of any kind. Heck we could not even get a job because history always repeated it self even at a volunteer job we could not escape that what we did to keep our son being sent to the very people that made us who we are. But the most painful part of all is that these people where the first to step in when we gave up hope but where not there when the others would tell us that if we did not do what they wanted that they would take our son away. We were slaves to a rumor that no one wanted to help us stop. I guess it would be taken the fun away from the people that was using it against us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The part that got us going down this time was that some Ahole did in fact approach us with the same line. This time we did tell him No, Thanks and yes we are fully aware of the fact that the TGC would back him up and that if he would be so kind to also pass around the fact that my son is no longer in my/our custody so that line no longer works on us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It felt good just to be able to walk away knowing that if he would have pushed the issue we would be able to fight him and not hurt our son. We would only be hurting our self’s. To finely be to the point that we could go down fighting instead of enduring to keep our son safe. How people can feed their dark wolfs at the expense of another person, even to the point to ruin the life of another just because one is different still hurts us. But when the very people that had earned us trust then to turn us over to the very people that took pleasure from our pain hurt us even more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WE even got into the discussion on that schizo and DID were names for the same thing. We told them that give us a brain scan and that would prove it for a person with schizo has dead areas in the brain. A person with DID had more brain activity then most people because we used more parts of it to stay alive from the trauma that we had endured as children. This fact alone validates us but those that do not want to accept us for being a real human being that has endured more then most people would dream of. Refuse to acknowledge this fact because then they would have to acknowledge the fact in public that they have forced how many people to live in pain because they do not want to admit that children can survive that which few adult can and still be functional when not living under abusive conditions or by taken medications that only strengthen the inner walls so healing can not take place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In so many ways we were grieving for so many things and people. It took us a couple of days but when everyone inside fully accepted the fact that we could fight now. It took one load off but it was replaced by another. How many times do we have to endure abuse before it will end. That was the biggest question of them all. WE once told a person that a person with DID if was hurt bad enough that the drama of another alter taken over was not a fade story. It will happen. Not only that but who want to work when you already know that someone is find out who you are what you did even when what you did was done under black mail. People do not care about that. They only care about how much entertainment that they get from hurting another person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are people here that we are able to talk to and do things with now. But the grieving of lost trust we are still working on. The fact that most of these people took the word of someone that was not really interested in our healing but wanting to keep us trapped in pain so that he would not have to accept the spiritual side of mental health. The way I understand a homo-pathic Doctor is a doctor that treat the whole patient not just the body or mind but the whole body, person, and soul. That Is the type of pdoc or T that people really need. Someone that is willing to listen to a person. Not just for physical signs but for emotional sings as well. There are so many here that we hear about good T an Pdoc. These are the ones that give us hope. And also helped us to remember the good ones of our past before we came to this town. One of our favorite T form back east when we got on a tangent like this would make us sit down and do an alga rhythm repeating
“I forgive that stupid S*** OF a B****. For the simple fact that he was doing the best he could with what he had to work with.”
Needless to say we are doing that one for a lot of people that are in our life right now.
But most of all thank PC World for giving us a place that allowed us to vent and to find our center again. Even when we are crying and ranting we now know that we can do so safely. Thanks to those here.
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
Thanks for this!
krazy_phoenix, WePow

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  #2  
Old Apr 15, 2010, 06:22 PM
WePow's Avatar
WePow WePow is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2006
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
Posts: 6,588
(((((((((((( anderson )))))))))))))))) wow
That is so much to process! wow
Please just stay safe inside.
YOU know the truth!!!! You know what is YOU.
That is what counts the most.
Thanks for this!
anderson
  #3  
Old Apr 16, 2010, 06:22 PM
Hunny's Avatar
Hunny Hunny is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,982
Anderson,

It did take some of the stuffing out of you I can read. Thank goodness you had the safe ones to comfort and keep you safe from the original fam.

Also, thank goodness for your stamina against these kind of replays. You were honouring to your son despite the so called friends and destructive co-workers. When people say horrible things, it really is a reflection on who they are and not you but still you had to endure for your son's sake, and you did!

It makes me so happy that this time you were able to tell the baddies to 'get lost' by walking away. The power of peaceful action! Last time they were so despicable, turning you over to the ones that harmed you so. These people are the ignorant ones, unable to learn a new piece of information, closed minded and even to the point of being the e v i l word or feeding the dark wold, as you say. They choose to remain ignorant. This meanness is not entertainment, it is abuse!

I had to laugh, Anderson, at your smart therapist from the past who gave you this: “I forgive that stupid S*** OF a B****. For the simple fact that he was doing the best he could with what he had to work with.” Me too. But forgiveness is a process, at least for me. As serious as it is, I couldn't help bursting out with a guffaw at the truth of it. Thank goodness too, you have kept your humor.

I take a tissue and remove any tears remaining. I pray the chains and walls of pain will be torn down and new and abundant life will come to you.

Cheerio,
Hunny


Quote:
Originally Posted by anderson View Post
Sorry, needed to take time off to cry. It really hit us hard that the people that we had learn to trust had not only turn their backs on us but also held what the others did to us against us. The ones that we called Mama and Papa Bears where the people that known that we had fears but never once approached us in a sexual manner. But when someone passed rumors that we where being sexually with these people they felt that they had no choice to but to separate from us in the public eyes. That was when we started to be approached by others in a way that made us have pubic panic attacks. WE did go back to the ones we thought we could trust but it did not matter what we said. To them we had forgotten them or that we had switched again and we would go back to the ones that hurt us. The last 2 years we honestly thought that they did not care about us we endured the abuse of those around us because no one would take the time to be with us to learn the truth of who we are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That is what hurts us the most is that we not only had to choice to stop working because it had become the favorite past time for some of our co-workers to get into a panic attack but every time We/I thought that we could find someone to talk to later they would not talk with us or they would make passes at us. At this point there was no way for us to have a normal friendship of any kind. Heck we could not even get a job because history always repeated it self even at a volunteer job we could not escape that what we did to keep our son being sent to the very people that made us who we are. But the most painful part of all is that these people where the first to step in when we gave up hope but where not there when the others would tell us that if we did not do what they wanted that they would take our son away. We were slaves to a rumor that no one wanted to help us stop. I guess it would be taken the fun away from the people that was using it against us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The part that got us going down this time was that some Ahole did in fact approach us with the same line. This time we did tell him No, Thanks and yes we are fully aware of the fact that the TGC would back him up and that if he would be so kind to also pass around the fact that my son is no longer in my/our custody so that line no longer works on us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It felt good just to be able to walk away knowing that if he would have pushed the issue we would be able to fight him and not hurt our son. We would only be hurting our self’s. To finely be to the point that we could go down fighting instead of enduring to keep our son safe. How people can feed their dark wolfs at the expense of another person, even to the point to ruin the life of another just because one is different still hurts us. But when the very people that had earned us trust then to turn us over to the very people that took pleasure from our pain hurt us even more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WE even got into the discussion on that schizo and DID were names for the same thing. We told them that give us a brain scan and that would prove it for a person with schizo has dead areas in the brain. A person with DID had more brain activity then most people because we used more parts of it to stay alive from the trauma that we had endured as children. This fact alone validates us but those that do not want to accept us for being a real human being that has endured more then most people would dream of. Refuse to acknowledge this fact because then they would have to acknowledge the fact in public that they have forced how many people to live in pain because they do not want to admit that children can survive that which few adult can and still be functional when not living under abusive conditions or by taken medications that only strengthen the inner walls so healing can not take place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In so many ways we were grieving for so many things and people. It took us a couple of days but when everyone inside fully accepted the fact that we could fight now. It took one load off but it was replaced by another. How many times do we have to endure abuse before it will end. That was the biggest question of them all. WE once told a person that a person with DID if was hurt bad enough that the drama of another alter taken over was not a fade story. It will happen. Not only that but who want to work when you already know that someone is find out who you are what you did even when what you did was done under black mail. People do not care about that. They only care about how much entertainment that they get from hurting another person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are people here that we are able to talk to and do things with now. But the grieving of lost trust we are still working on. The fact that most of these people took the word of someone that was not really interested in our healing but wanting to keep us trapped in pain so that he would not have to accept the spiritual side of mental health. The way I understand a homo-pathic Doctor is a doctor that treat the whole patient not just the body or mind but the whole body, person, and soul. That Is the type of pdoc or T that people really need. Someone that is willing to listen to a person. Not just for physical signs but for emotional sings as well. There are so many here that we hear about good T an Pdoc. These are the ones that give us hope. And also helped us to remember the good ones of our past before we came to this town. One of our favorite T form back east when we got on a tangent like this would make us sit down and do an alga rhythm repeating
“I forgive that stupid S*** OF a B****. For the simple fact that he was doing the best he could with what he had to work with.”
Needless to say we are doing that one for a lot of people that are in our life right now.
But most of all thank PC World for giving us a place that allowed us to vent and to find our center again. Even when we are crying and ranting we now know that we can do so safely. Thanks to those here.
__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
anderson
  #4  
Old Apr 20, 2010, 12:00 AM
darkpurplesecrets's Avatar
darkpurplesecrets darkpurplesecrets is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Aug 2007
Location: within another world not seen. built and silenced behind a wall of fear based strength......
Posts: 12,715
((((anderson))))

Just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you and we are here for you. We hear you and we know that it is so much to accept and process through. Stand strong and let us stand with you. For together we can stand and together we can win. Hold tight to what you know and know that we are holding with you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps
Thanks for this!
anderson
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