[weird artist]

Before you read on this post contains references to SI/SH, so if you are feeling vulnerable please avoid it for now.

Hi I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and now depersonalisation. My therapist says it is nothing to be worried about, and I should just observe the situations it occurs in and keep talking to her about them. But recently I experienced something quite different and instead of just being sat 'out back' watching, I wasn't there at all, and the next thing I knew I had self harmed. I don't self harm anymore, I'm past it, and I'm sure I wouldn't have done it, but I was almost aware of it, but I couldn't control anything. I'm really worried about how this will develop, I have to wait til Thursday to see my therapist, but I am going to talk it through with her. I'm just really scared its getting worse. My partner would get very angry if he knew I had self harmed again, I haven't done it since I promised him I would stop. I feel really guilty but I wasn't in control, and I don't know how to explain it to him Any ideas?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by weird artist

Before you read on this post contains references to SI/SH, so if you are feeling vulnerable please avoid it for now.

Hi I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and now depersonalisation. My therapist says it is nothing to be worried about, and I should just observe the situations it occurs in and keep talking to her about them. But recently I experienced something quite different and instead of just being sat 'out back' watching, I wasn't there at all, and the next thing I knew I had self harmed. I don't self harm anymore, I'm past it, and I'm sure I wouldn't have done it, but I was almost aware of it, but I couldn't control anything. I'm really worried about how this will develop, I have to wait til Thursday to see my therapist, but I am going to talk it through with her. I'm just really scared its getting worse. My partner would get very angry if he knew I had self harmed again, I haven't done it since I promised him I would stop. I feel really guilty but I wasn't in control, and I don't know how to explain it to him Any ideas?

we cant tell each other what to do about things. we may end up giving the wrong advice and end up causing you more harm. marriage is all about communicating with each other about all kinds of things. This probably isnt the first serious conversation you have had with him. You know your husband best so go according to what you know about his and your life together and how in the past you have talked about other serious matters. Maybe even sitting down first and write out how you feel about having to tell him about this then go from there.

[Hunny]

Terry,

It must be hard to be going through all what you are going through and I hope you find the help you need.

Did you also what to trying posting this in the SI section? I am not sure if you know about it and that is why I mention it.

Hunny

[weird artist]

thanks, I will try that too.

[michelle421]

i'm sorry to hear you are struggling. it's never helped me to promise anything to another person (in terms of my own SI), so i would highly suggest thinking about doing whatever is best for you and not just what someone else wants from you. i won't tell you what to do, because it is up to you. i just think that promises aren't helpful. it's ok if you want to be safe and your partner wants that too. but of course, life happens. things happen. it's ok. it will be ok. i think it's more important to recognize that life happens as it does, and we can try our best, but when things aren't going well we should still keep on going and not get down on ourselves for the struggles we have. it's human.

i would also suggest that you try to talk to your partner about depersonalization and dissociation. i think this post is helpful: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=89088 try to find some resources to help discuss your feelings about what happened.

i think it's important to recognize that you felt out of control at the time. you didn't do that to hurt your partner or to break the promise. i hope you will be able to talk about what happened. i hope you can also talk to your therapist. it will be ok. you can still work on staying SI free and being safe. you can keep on healing. maybe try to work on being mindful and in the moment. reading about mindfulness might be helpful to you, so check out this blog: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/ it may help you think about and work on the struggles you are having with depersonalization. like your therapist said, "observe the situations it occurs in and keep talking to her about them" i think that is great advice.

take care!

i want to offer my support in any way i can.

[weird artist]

thanks folks, I'm still not sure how to tell him, but I am working towards it.