[Chalkdust]

A friend of mine said today that they feel I have a difficult time making decision because of having DID in my past. I'm suppose to be integrated now but stress is making me wonder. Do you all think dealing with DID makes any of you like that? Maybe not the whole reason for difficulty but mabe an added factor? Just wondering.

Chalkdust

I find it difficult to make decisions but I think it is connected to my depression and my general character!
Caroline

[Kathyanita]

we trained ourselves to be vigilent to cues from abusers and become instantly what they want, i think the anylists call it "other-directed" instead of directing oneself. . . so part of that would seem to include being highly suggestable because its been so well reinforced and rewaded with being allowed to survive.

me make decisions - yea right. I go to a restraunt and suddenly I am faced with sooo many more choices than my own kitchen. Standing in the order line with a ffriend in a new place results in her making the decision by either her ordering first and my saying yea that sounds good I'll have that too. She knows I have DID and has at times she said had to ask me never mind trying to read the words what picture looks good? Sometimes she will ask me so where do you want to go eat? Loaded question if we are at that moment driving in a parking lot where there is a KFC, Mcdonalds, Carls JR, pizza hut, Shari's, IHOP all in eye site. So now we decide where we are eating before we leave the house to do our errands and stuff. Sit down /waitress places are better for me because I get the chance to relax and look around and let my thoughts calm down before ordering. Another decision in my life therapy. for 4 and a half years I was under the impression that I was court ordered into therapy. Turns out the DHS case coding placed on the case three years ago closed that court order for therapy and the case worker at the time never told me she had changed the case coding to permanent and that I was no longer court ordered into therapy and classes and so on. anyway I kust found out this past 6 months that therapy decisions are now at MY discretion not the courts and my therapist. The first time my therapist asked so do we meet in 1 week or 2. I could not make that decision. for about 5 minute I just kept saying I don't know it's up to you and she would say no its up to you. I couldn't make up my mind so I said next week because 1 was the first number she offered. The next week she asked again and this time said 1 week if you are having suicidal urges, 2 or three if not. Great now she gives me THREE choices. I have had other people deciding my therapy schedule for 4 years and I now have three choices what do I choose 2 because it was the middle choice. One time she gave me the choice of 2,3, or 4 weeks. some week s we run out of time so she automatically put me in for 2 weeks but for the most part now she asks when I want to meet her. now that I am aware 95 percent of the time I don't have much problem with making decisions at home. Over the past 3-4 years one of the books I work in is Amongst ourselves by Dr. Tracy Alderman and Karen Marshall. One of the activities is - who is in your system. Basically its making a chart of all your memory states (the psychological professionals call them memory states, alters, fragments, personalities and parts) - likes dislikes favorite foods, colors, clothes and so on. I keep that chart handy and make sure I incorporate those things in my present life. since I have been doing that I have less problem with getting triggered into the fast forward thoughts of I want this and that with leads to my problems with deciding what I want to do , eat and so on.

[allthegirls6]

I think it makes life difficult. I have lots of other people with likes and dislikes, all in different states of tiredness and distress. When one is ready to go out, the other wants to hide. When one is happy another can be in a state of breakdown.One might want to play with a dolly and the other might want to get food!!!!!!


Audrey