Past the accepting stage...now comes the I don't want it stage...

it's been several months since i've been on PC. I was diagnoses a little over a year ago. At first knowing the name of my disorder was a blessing. I didn't mind having DID because it all made sense. But now I'm so tired. I'm tired of compromising, making time for all my parts and trying to get everyone to agree and or get a long. I feel like I'm giving up "my" life in order to keep all my parts in line. I understand the consequences for not responding to the needs of my parts, but honestly i dont care. I'm not doing well, loosing a lot of time and my parts are silent. There is little communication and I'm just blowing in the wind. The sound of "have you asked inside" furiates me. It makes me sooo angry. I know that my parts saved my life and that the only way to heal is to get along and make a way of life to include everyone. I know all this....I just dont care.....I am sooooo sick of everything, I feel like I;m going backwards. I'm no longer able to work, I filed for disability, and I have a hard time leaving the house. I just need a break...and as you all know...in our world you never get one...thanks for listening.....bye

I am so sorry things are hard for you right now.

It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.

I'm sorry things are so hard. I just started therapy myself and worry about what lies ahead. I don't want any of it.. don't want to do the *work* in therapy.. don't want to know what, if any, dx they find for me.. I just want to be 'normal' and healthy.

Newly diagnosed like you after diagnosis and the work of trying to establish communication and harmony my symptoms became worse and my life started falling apart. Thats when my therapist and psychiatrist explained to me that establishing communication and harmony isnt for everyone and isnt the only treatment used with DID people.

My therapist and psychiatrist and I changed our treatment plans. instead of working to promote communication and harmony with the alters we went to work on triggers, grounding and relaxation.

This approach does not have to include "asking inside" "making time for the alters"

we located the triggers that was sending me into switching into each of the alters, and we used various relaxation grounding techniques to self nurture, then solved the problems that triggered me instead of using dissociation/switching.

This approach allowed me to be more in control of my life and resulted in my remaining fully aware, functioning like a normal person does. as I became stronger and more able to take on daily life and recognize my triggers and do something about things when I was triggered, the alters associated with taking care of my life associated with those triggers, calmly merged /integrated with me because their purpose/job/ why they were there was done.

Talk to your treatment people, explain to then how the attempting to establish communication and harmony is upsetting you and affecting your life. they can help you set up a treatment plan that includes working with triggers, relaxation and grounding therapy approach.

I am newly diagnosed DID also..since June 2010 after 4 years of therapy with various other DX's. With the new realization comes a lot of confusion and anxiety. I reached a point where I didn't care either. As more alters appeared and new situations arose, I also thought I was going backwards. But at the beginning it is all evolving, the new parts, the forgotten memories, etc. As time passes, you will find that you will take 2 steps forward and 1 step back instead of the other way around. Hang in there, you can do this.... I'm cheering us both on!

((((( Newly_diagnosed )))))

It is going to be okay, I'm convinced. It takes long time but even just reading the intense feelings in your post it feels to me like you are looking for a bit of a calm time...take time to calm time, there is no rush.

I really like what Amanda says...about working on triggers, grounding and relaxation. I can't imagine how I could ever have journied through this whole process thinking about being in communication with the inside parts, at first, ugh! Enough already I have to even go through the possible dx and therapy.

Maybe 5 years in there was a concept of inner communication... even then the train was going really slowly: "What do you mean, talk to them?! No!"

I used to love the calming times, they take up a good 1/2 of every session for first 5 years (or so), near the end. Seeing the puffy white clouds, blue sky, birds flying by, sound of air conditioning...zzzz, sometimes Hunny falls asleep now.

Please try to be so gentle...

This is a process. For us it is a bit of this and a bit of that. Some calming, some asking and some feeling better, much better.

“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein