[CesarioRose]

Hi, well, the name is Cesario Rose, i'm a 24 male, with a history of Epileptic Seizers, and Grand Mal seizers as a young boy. They stopped around 7 or 8 i've been told. I also had absence seizers as we've found out recently, or in the very least, strongly suspect absence seizers even into my adult life. (I don't know if it's possible, but it is likely I continue to have some kind of disorder. I will be going to a Neurologist after I get my 2011 insurance. I'll spare the details; the more private and non-connected to my real self, the better.)

Anyhoo, with that said, ever since I started to go to my now weekly therapy appointment, I have become very acutely aware to that I am disassociating frequently in response to stressful situations. This is anywhere from social to work, to daily life sometimes. I had an episode where a child alter came out during therapy, and I was told that I was sort of going through different ages, and I wasn't sure where I was. I have kind have noticed that when this happens, my mind goes "blank", while there are no visual cues, the world kinda feels like it's been fuzzed out in in a way, and for the lack of a better way to describe it. I cant really follow what people are talking about in the room if there are people in the room, and I suffer a loss of time. I had a bad one a few weeks ago where the last thing I remember was walking to my car from work, and waking up the next day. I don't remember what happened in-between.

I have been to see a Psychiatrist, though we just went over how I handle social relationships, and he believes I am going through depression, and some kind of social anxiety disorder. Because I have a history of seizers, and hallucinating in a way that I can play-act out social interactions with people I know, and now a disassociating loss of time, they want me to start on meds. I'm not sure if I am going to, even though they're just anti-depressants, and mood stabilizers. (Apparently, also a chance on bi-polar. but i doubt it, because when I am happy, it's more dull in that my only extreme is just the depression, and not a real manic episode. But the depression got really extreme a few weeks ago in that I had some real bad episodes and I started to see images of me jumping off buildings. I am not now, and to be clear, I have done a lot to lock that part of me away until we're ready to explore it, and heal it though therapy.)

Anyhoo, i guess I am on here because i'm curious at this point on what's going on with my mind. I am especially curious about meeting other people who disassociate, and how they feel, and experience it. Though not in person of course, but you know what I mean.

So, hi. i'm Cesario, and I am just discovering these things out about my self for the first time.

[Eriksplus]

Welcome!

(Yeston)Erik

[CesarioRose]

oh boy, I sure did write a lot. not sure why i wrote all that...

eep...

i didn't mean to write all that.