[anderson]

In the past couple of weeks I/we have been facing so many things. Our frustration of those around us at times not willing to understand that when we are afraid of some one it is not just because of our past abuse but from how these people have chosen to treat us.
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We now living in an apartment that makes us meet once a month with a Therapist. It is not that we mind seeing a therapist but we miss the therapist that we had in our 20’s. The therapist that we had back then had no problem believing that we worked as a unit when we were not working with trauma issues. Because of how many people used our trauma responses to their advantages we can not prove that we are aware of our daily activities. Or could it be that those that have hurt us can not allow that to happen for if the public truly believed that we are aware then their action can be seen for what they are?
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When those within are trying to find peace we go to the teachings that have saved our sanity time and time again. One author that we read a lot is Deepak Chopra. The book that came to us this time is “The Book of Secrets”. From this book we were reminded about how all of us have three types of people in our lives. These three types of people react to us based on what they want from us. We react to them based on what we want from them. When we can just let them be and only react in the means that help ourselves find peace and self acceptance that is when we can choice how we react instead of reacting based on the need of drama.
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The type of people are:
Toxic people are those that gain from your pain and if you heal you will be taken back your personal choices back. These people will do anything to keep you from healing. (we have a lot of these types in our life. Now that we are dealing with the pain of abuse we have chosen to limit contact with these people until we can chose how we react when they are near us.)
Leave alone people are the people that can not be bothered with your pain or problem. At time we go to these people begging for help and understanding but still in the end these people will almost always be polite in public but turn away just as soon as they can politely do so in public.
Helping people are those that truly from the heart chose to help or even just to lend an ear. These are the people that will help those within heal and find acceptance from a few good people.
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These are the people that we miss the most by not going to church on Sunday but the simple fact those that have hurt us are not kind enough to wear a sign that says what they have done to us and yes maybe to others. For if they were willing to hurt one why would they not hurt another but those acts are hiding.
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We went to talk with the pastor again we had to look at him and remind him that just because we change our mannerism does not mean that we do not have a common memory. In a lot of ways because we are tired of those that have hurt us coming near us thinking that just because we do not remember at first once we find safety we know then we have only one choice we stay away from them. Now if a miracle would take place and those at the church will allow us just to come and interact with those that have a truly helpful heart then we would go even if we had to ride a bus but as long as those people stand back and act at times that we do not remember them and allow those that have hurt us to come near us and act like they did nothing to harm us. This action only made the trust that we had for them weaken for how can we trust them if they will not accept that it is only in trauma that we have no memoir.
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It was in this book that we had confirmed that if we can not feel safe or knowingly not react to those that hurt us then it is to our own benefit not to be near to those people. Change must come from within not from those around us. It is a fairy tale that others will change their action once they realize that their actions are harmful to another. Most of these people realize it in the first place and gain from it. The two years that we had at Safeway allowed us to learn that old but true fact. It was not until we had physically removed our selves from their physically and emotional abuse that we started to heal again. But the simply fact that we stayed regardless of how hard we tried we could not work free from bigotry and abuse for those around us did not want to accept or leave someone alone that was different from them. We did have the tree types of people there just like we have the three types of people at church. But the simple fact that no one can see or truly understand another if they have never lived or walked a certain path.
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That is the main reason that we are so grateful for this apartment. We may have to go to see a person once a month for the privilege to stay here. But we mainly have the ability to chose who comes in. This is safety in so many ways yet at times it is lonely. In the past week we started to listen to book on tapes. Just listening to another voice gives us the ability not to feel so alone. The dream of having a service dog is also helpful to us for we are dreaming of training and interacting with a living being that will help us keep safe and know that this being is not only with us to help but to give us a sense of belonging to another being.
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That is what we are missing the most is the ability to belong by someone and accepted no matter how different we are from the normal that society has deemed it to be.

[silentwhisper]

I/we are listening.

[Hunny]

Anderson, it is good to know you have found some ways to feel less lonely with the recorded books and with shelter over your head now it will afford you more ability to get involved with activities that each one of you like to do.

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing.

[Lillyleaf]

I agree with the three types of people but I also think that some are on in a little of boht sides. some on the help side while others on the scared but want to help side. I guess all can fit into one but remember there can always be a foot in both worlds

I am glad you found something to help you!
I wish you the best
~Jenny

[anderson]

we agree that most people do have their feet in to sides. that is why we are spending so much time alone we are dealing with to much trauma to go some where just to be pushed aside we may grumble about being lonely but at least we are not in fear of being hurt in side the apartment.

Originally Posted by Lillyleaf

I agree with the three types of people but I also think that some are on in a little of boht sides. some on the help side while others on the scared but want to help side. I guess all can fit into one but remember there can always be a foot in both worlds

I am glad you found something to help you!
I wish you the best
~Jenny