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#1
Dec 08, 2010, 04:12 PM
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This week should have been joyful, but instead it's filled with hatred for myself. I can't believe the thing I did without even knowing that I did it. But then of course it wasn't really me that did it.... it was Tabitha. I would never have wanted her to do what she did, but I'm stuck living with the consequences..... This is so irritating.
*****Warning Possible trigger****** For those of you who don't know, I apparently have been raped beaten and nearly killed by more people than I know (alters only letting me know some things at certain times). And apparently in March of 2008 for my brothers 18th birthday, he decided to rape me and I wound up pregnant. Tabby (Tabitha) had to make a decision to keep baby and run to the other side of the world (how she tells it) or abort pregnancy and pretend it never happened. She choose the abortion. So on May 22 2008 had abortion. Was told by Drs. at Planned Parenthood where went for the abortion that conception date lined up right with rape not to mention hadn't had sex with anyone. And from the way Tabby been acting it's the week that Drs. projected for due date. Since I found out about this all though it's been worse. This week sucks so bad..... eugh I just want to cry so much.
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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#2
Dec 08, 2010, 04:21 PM
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{holds tiger tight} I'm so sorry this week must be ripping you up inside. We're here for you, I wish I could take away all of your pain. All I can do is be your support 100% and that's what I'll be for you. It's okay to cry, lean on me.
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 tigersassy
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#3
Dec 08, 2010, 04:25 PM
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We are more sorry than words can say that this happened! Offering support...
(Webber)Erik
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"We don't have a problem with us, the world does." ~(Webber)Erik @~~~%~~~ |
| tigersassy
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#4
Dec 08, 2010, 06:07 PM
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((( tigersassy )))
we be here for you and we sorry that you all have to deal with this pain. sending safe stuffies and tissues. Just remember all those within are only doing the best that they can. hopes all within you find peace one day at a time. 
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson .gif "Boy Angel")
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| tigersassy
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#5
Dec 08, 2010, 11:15 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((tigersassy))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry. I wish I could take away your pain but know I am here and thinking of you. Very gentle
 BB
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| tigersassy
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#6
Dec 09, 2010, 05:12 PM
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Dear tiger i am so sorry you all went through this and you are just learning of it now we are sending you safe hugs if you can accept them and warm thoughts.
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| tigersassy
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#7
Dec 09, 2010, 05:37 PM
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My heart breaks because of your pain. I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I hope that you lean on us for the love and support you need.
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A good friend once told me: All the things that you are doing for others DO NOT GO IN VAIN, and it may seem that you are not getting a return, but you are, maybe not now, but God never lets any good deed go unrewarded. "How can I feel abandoned, even when the world surrounds me; How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me; How can I know so many; never really knowing anyone; If I seem superhuman I have been Misunderstood." |
| tigersassy
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#8
Dec 10, 2010, 11:53 AM
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today is going to be worst day of the week... but i'm out for now cause have to get some things done.... when we finish, i'm going to let tabby or cass out to grieve in whatever way they feel is necessary.... thank you all for your support... i'm just ready for jan maybe will be a good new year....
mikaylah
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#9
Dec 10, 2010, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
(Webber)Erik
__________________
"We don't have a problem with us, the world does." ~(Webber)Erik @~~~%~~~ |
| tigersassy
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#10
Dec 11, 2010, 07:15 AM
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My heart goes out to you all (((((((((((tigersassy))))))))))). I'm so sorry you have this pain. We are sitting with you, holding your hand and passing you tissues. You are not alone.
kp
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Such Is Life - Ned Kelly
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| tigersassy
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#11
Dec 11, 2010, 04:20 PM
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hi just wanted to say that i remember this happening at the time and it was an incredibly difficult time for you all, due to feelings and flashbacks and decisions to be made. Be gentle with selves, they deserve giant kudos for getting you through that awful period.
Quote:
take gentle care of you.
__________________
He said that we can email as MUCH as we want (100 times per day). Believe in this - it is challenging fears about being punished. It is okay to be seen. You are not a nuisance. "Too much" simply means exploration, not punishment/withdrawal. Trust in him.  Not looking at him is about keeping aspects of self hidden/secret. We know that is not the healthy choice. Keep working on this - you will get there. Accept there are parts. Be kind and gentle with them. Working with parts and feelings is the key to happiness. We have been happy before when listened to them and accepted them and were open to feelings. Write in your journal - it is safe to do so. 
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| tigersassy
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#12
Dec 12, 2010, 12:22 PM
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Hang in there. I know the pain won't pass, but the urgency will fade and that will make it easier to handle with time. I'm glad you felt you could share the burden with us. THAT can make the unbearable bearable. PEace to you, Tiger. Even the worst day has an evening and dawns to a new day.
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| tigersassy
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#13
Dec 13, 2010, 06:29 PM
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so this weekend was just as bad as the rest of the week... eugh.... was at work on sun and started having memory flashbacks of what brother did that night in march of 08 and body was reacting while i was at work.... i was so overwhelmed acctually told one of my bosses that i needed him to be goofy or else i was going to cry. (he normally is goofy to an extent), but he was so nice... i even let slip to that boss and one of my coworkers that my childhood was h*ll. he (boss) assumed that i was hurt when i was little and told him about one of the guys that did it was just recently arrested again for the same thing (he never got arrested for mine but he did for his step-daughters. i apparently waited too long to file) and he acctually was mad about this guy doing those things to me even though i didnt tell him what happened in detail.... it was so weird cause i'm the one that's always thought we did something to "deserve" the things that happened (i know everyone says that's not true but it's how i feel sometimes) he started me second guessing that stuff so now i'm not thinking it hardly at all but it's only been one day who knows this may only be temporary...
Mikaylah (with some of Tabbys thoughts)
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#14
Dec 17, 2010, 05:47 AM
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You and all within are very brave and strong and ever so amazing. Listening and offering a shoulder to rest your heavy head whenever you need.
if ok.Cheers, kp
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Such Is Life - Ned Kelly
Last edited by krazy_phoenix; Dec 17, 2010 at 05:47 AM. Reason: grammar correction |
| tigersassy
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