[__zh]

October 6th, 2005

More losses recovered!! Thank goodness yet again a copy was saved early July of this year when going through threads and posts for therapy material. We're really freaking out over how many more we might find missing as we review our notes, files and printouts.

We'd understand if the thread was moved but w/o any marker left there isn't any reason to think that was the case here especially when the thread existed from August of last year through at least July of this year.

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Anonymous
(Unregistered)
08/31/04 06:39 pm
Co-consciousness in therapy

I know that some are able to have more than one present during sessions...........some are willing to participate in therapy and others prefer to remain separate.

In my case I am only learning what it is like to be present in therapy after another is taking that space.

I know this doesn't make sense to a lot of people and I'm not up to answering questions to clarify.......thank you for respecting that.

Yesterday's session had me speaking but some very impassioned requests (tears and pleading) from an inner one.

Today's session I felt very upset and had all this internal anger that is her's (this inner) not mine. When the therapist brought up something it was as if the glass overflowed again. So much spilled out and it was from both myself and my inner. It is so strange to have that type of thing happen. Then I'm left to comfort everyone when I feel like tossing this inner across the room at times........and vice versa I'm sure. This sure isn't fun being so distinctly split .

I'm exhausted and feel nauseous. My head is ready to explode too. I'm cranky, weepy, pissy, and so on. I didn't feel like this going into today's session.

Gonna go get horizontal and wallow in this craptacular mood.

--zh

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SweetCrusader
(Grand Magnate)
08/31/04 10:04 pm
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

zh--

that would be really frustrating! so you spent all your time in therapy having to deal with this inner's problems and now that you're home, you're really feeling the consequences of it. ((((hugs)))) if ok

i hope your next session goes better, and that you can deal with your own stuff instead of hers when you want to.

Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

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mlyn
(Visitor)
09/01/04 02:30 am
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

safe hug if you want it (((((((((((zh))))))))))))))) makes a lot of sense to me.
I understand the wanting to throw another across the room too and yes there's those who have let me know their not to happy with me either. But I guess that's all a part of the getting to know each other and learning to work together.
mlyn

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mandala
(Member)
09/01/04 06:52 am
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

Lol at throwing the inner across the room.

I sure do know that feeling!

I had a hard t session yesterday, too. I really understand. Sometimes talking to t doesn't calm things down, it just stirs stuff up worse.

I hate being left to comfort inners... it's other littles that do that in my system and it's just a recreation of the abuse... kids comforting kids over horrible stuff. And that upsets me further, to feel like I am alone and solely responsible for surviving on my own... sigh... it hurts.

Remember, you don't have to explain anything here... and ftr, I understand completely.

((((((zenhussy))))))

L

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Anonymous
(Unregistered)
09/02/04 02:05 pm
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

Thanks mlyn for the safe hugs.

This is a part of learning to cooperate and it sure isn't easy. I'm grateful that I have support of people who do understand and know the emotional and physical toll that this is taking on me/us.

I'm glad that you are posting here. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in wanting to toss this one to the wolves!! (and again I'm sure she has the same thing in mind for me!)

--zh

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Anonymous
(Unregistered)
09/02/04 02:12 pm
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

Thank you Angela for the hugs. I appreciate them.

I was wiped out from those two sessions. I've been hiding since. Not able to do the things that I'm 'supposed' to be doing however I feel that if I am remaining safe that trumps out all 'should do and could do' lists.

I know it is important for this one to be able to express her fears about what is currently going on however we don't yet have any sense of cooperation or full trust.

It is like being hijacked almost. I'm sitting there upset and knowing that I'm not connected to the feelings of upset and then wham she's spilling out of me in my voice while I'm feeling like some kind of freak show puppet. It is bizarre and not comfortable and downright scary at times.

I hope the next sessions go well too. I only have few more before I leave to convalesce at ma's.

--zh

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Anonymous
(Unregistered)
09/02/04 02:20 pm

Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

L,
In reply to:
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And that upsets me further, to feel like I am alone and solely responsible for surviving on my own... sigh... it hurts.
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Thank you for understanding without any explanation.

It does hurt. And she really resonates with you on your statement.....

She was the one to suck it up and survive the horrors and keep 'me' functioning. Now that people are telling me to be independent and to learn to self comfort I feel like screaming at them "how in the hell will that help her?!!! She was alone for years and now you're telling her to rely on herself even more??!!!"

Healing is not a linear path. That is one thing that is hard for me to be able to let her know. Her knowledge is that I've not tried hard enough to deal with my/our issues and that I'm failing now by taking time to get well after too much stress on my physical body.

My ignoring her (I didn't know!) for years didn't help either. So now I'm left with this incredibly angry inner who kept us alive all these years and now is pissed at me for not figuring all this out sooner.

No win. But that is what most people are reminding me about teenagers. Especially teenage girls.

--zh

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fgh
(Veteran Member)
09/03/04 07:22 am
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

Hello ( to all ) [purple} Some times I feel like I was thrown across the room Some times I cry but am not strong enough to get time and some times only my tears get out. Our doctor says some thing to try and help whos out to let me get time so they do not get upset and I can talk about why I am sad some times. Maybe your doctor could help you like that too? I do not have any one bothering me like that. Everyone else is grown up and they just take time from me so I never know how long I get to have time. I do not know how it feels to be out and have some one bugging me be cause they take time just like whoosh and I am back in my circle. Some times I get to listen in. jj

It is fun to climb trees and run barefoot in dirt and lie in the grass and find pictures in the clouds.

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mlyn
(Visitor)
09/03/04 10:20 am
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

In reply to:
________________________________________
It is like being hijacked almost. I'm sitting there upset and knowing that I'm not connected to the feelings of upset and then wham she's spilling out of me in my voice while I'm feeling like some kind of freak show puppet. It is bizarre and not comfortable and downright scary at times.
________________________________________

Wow! perfectly put. It's nice to know someone else knows what it's like. I could never put it into words phew!
mlyn

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mlyn
(Visitor)
09/03/04 10:44 am
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

hi jj
I trick them some times when I want out but I got in trubl last time I did that. T helpd me by talking to mlyn about letting me out and I had to listen to her and why some time she dont want me out. If she lets me out some time when it is safe then I will not trick thtas the deal. Now if we can make the same deal with some others [tounge] that would be good.

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fgh
(Veteran Member)
09/04/04 04:17 am
Re: Co-consciousness in therapy

Hello. Yep you got to make deals. I did too. I like peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches buuuttttt one of the adults is allergic to peanuts so I do not get to eat them just any time when I want to. I have to have a grown up buy it in the first place aaaannnnndddd then only get to eat when some how it is "convenient" for others. BUUUTTT it is worth it all I love fat mushy peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. jj

It is fun to climb trees and run barefoot in dirt and lie in the grass and find pictures in the clouds.
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