[backwardsinsideofme]

Since I was little, I would end up in places and not know how I got there, or how I came to do the things I was doing. I had daily blackouts.

I started hearing voices when I was 10. Well, a voice. Sometimes I heard it distinctly coming from outside of me, always into my right ear. For a while I assumed he was a demon, or something like that.

He sounded stoic, and condescending. Eventually he came to tell me his name was Nevermore. It's a silly name I know. But that's what he demanded I call him.

Several times, I would wake up and my brother would say that I'd talked down to him and hit him at times. And I loved him more than anything in my life, so it wouldn't be brotherly teasing, I treated him very nice all the time.

I always felt bad about it, and almost didn't believe it.

I did lots of other really bad things when I blacked out, sometimes, my father and my siblings told me I wouldnt do anything at all, except sit and stare at them. It made them uncomfortable. Other times I would talk down to them and be very snide. When normally I didn't speak much.

I've never been diagnosed with anything but Neurosis, by my father, who was a psychiatrist and neurosurgeon.

I guess it's dissociation, I'm not sure. And I swear I wasn't trying to cover up for my misbehavings, I did plenty when I wasn't blacked out, and took the punishments, either way.

Anyone else here have only one alter/part? I've read about the subject a few years ago, and normally people tend to have 3 to 10 or more.

I think its odd I only have one, if that is what it is. Perhaps I just have a psychotic disorder.

[invisigirl]

Dissociation can be a very confusing things with large variations in how people experience it. Are you working with a therapist?

[phoenix7]

hi

Ive heard BPD's can have one alter.... but first if i was yuo i would see a T - yuor father really shouldnt have been diagnosing you cos he was too close to you - you need somone who can look at it objectively

do you stil have these episodes?

P7

[backwardsinsideofme]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

hi

Ive heard BPD's can have one alter.... but first if i was yuo i would see a T - yuor father really shouldnt have been diagnosing you cos he was too close to you - you need somone who can look at it objectively

do you stil have these episodes?

P7

My partner has told me I still switch back and forth. And he had physically injured her at times. He told her he was only 10 years old. She was understanding that I wouldn't mean to hurt her if I could help it, and apparently Nevermore apologized to her afterward.

:\ I still feel bad about it.

[backwardsinsideofme]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

Dissociation can be a very confusing things with large variations in how people experience it. Are you working with a therapist?

I had a therapist over a year ago, but I have since moved and not seen anyone about my mental illness.