just long enough to feel normal

as soon as january arrived, my mood started to plummet. i had a nice break through christmas and new year's but when my husband had to go back to work, i knew the fun was over. back to the grind stone.

as my mood sinks, i start to feel weirder and weirder again. monday, i felt flat and down.. low and lazy.. as if the wind was knocked out of me. yesterday i started out feeling even lower than monday and by the end of the day felt like i had drifted miles away from myself and felt very detached - when my husband came home from work, he was again asking 'are you ok? you seem distant.. are you sure you're ok?'

last night my head started hurting and still hurts a little bit today. and that feeling of having other people, other voices in my head is back.

and during that break in december i had really started to feel normal. i started to believe that i'm ok and this is not nearly as big as it was seeming to be. i even contemplated backing out of therapy. because i'm 'fine'.

*sigh*

(((((((((((invisigirl)))))))))))

do others experience these 'breaks'? or are your symptoms pretty much a daily/all the time kind of thing? do you have these periods of time where you feel 'normal' or like you're 'just you'?

I guess 'breaks' might come for us (all in kp) in the thick of denial when we do our darndest to block what is, and then we have periods of better functioning that can last even a year or two which can give us a 'break' from living 'within' the darkness, but no, we don't get 'breaks' from what is our reality as such. Is that what you meant? Sorry you are hurting and confused. Are you in contact with your T?

thanks, kp... I often wonder if my breaks or periods of increased functioning might be more due to denial than anything. I spend a lot of time trying to ignore a lot of things and trying to keep myself busy. and sometimes, I get busy enough to sort of forget everything for a little while and just live more in the now. but it always ends. sometimes it will last a couple months (still having dips, but no major depression or incapacitating preoccupation), and sometime it will only last a week or two before something will happen that will send me over the edge or bring it all crashing back in again.

Girl,
It's so good you are reaching out, it helps us when you do.
Take care, just for today, one day at a time.

“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

My husband has "good runs" (as he puts it). Times where he's in charge and everyone else works together with him and it's kinda like there isn't any split. Then there are other times where the fractures are really obvious to everyone and there's lots of infighting and switching and everyone ends up taking turns instead of working together. And sometimes one or the other will decide to be in charge even if it's not their turn or their job. And then there will be days or weeks where everything is smooth sailing again.

I'm on the outside, so it can be a little hard for me to describe it as well as he does. I know sometimes I'll come home and he seems a little...off, distant, out of phase. He always says he's fine and everything is OK, but usually a little while later someone will show up and let me know what's going on. Usually something under the surface or triggered by some event in the day.

We (Me, Jon and The Guys) all think that he's susceptible to seasonal/S.A.D. type changes as well. Winter (after the holidays) is usually pretty rough. Good nutrition and as much sunlight as possible seem to help him have better days. The less stress there is on the body, the less stress there is on the system.

invisigirl,

I have periods of higher functioning where I can get things done and seem to have a "normal" life. But everyone is still with me and I have them always. There were many years in my life when I didn't know they existed, but even then, I did not feel "normal". I knew that something was different. There have been times when we are all getting along and working together that are not chaotic and it feels as if I am just as "normal" as everyone else. During these times I don't spend as much time inside as I do usually and maybe that is what makes it seem like I am just like everyone else. I don't even know if this is making any sense to you. I know that some of the others have said similar things, but I wanted to tell you about my experience as well. I encourage you to stick with therapy until you are for certain that you don't need it.

Cris from the hotel

thank you, Cris. that helps a lot... sounds very much like what I have been experiencing.