[Bmee2]

There is a strong urge to say good bye to everyone. Another closed door on latest T. This search has cost us more loss time and dangerous thoughts. Help is what is needed but cannot be found. Insurance does not care. While hunting for this elusive T, insurance has decided the dosage of medication that has been keeping us afloat has to be reduced or switch to generic. Allergies make generics a bigger hassle. So.... No money......NOT enough Medication.......No T willing to deal with all of us.....No where to turn.....Pdoc not skilled to help.......so .......So?

Prepare for the loss of the parent too......plan to leave with parent. Proof that there is not anyone capable and willing that gives a hoot. Cover all fronts so there will be not mistake.....leave when parent leaves.

[Irine]

ow.
I was in a similar place. I know how it is when everybody turns away from you, and those who don`t really turn away don`t know what exactly they are doing.


I used to be frustrated with life...so much. With people around me. Disappointed. Lost All alone.
But you see - as painful and frightening it may seem - this is temporary. If you just can believe it... remember that your life has its ups and downs...and that this can be a down but "The Balancing Up" will inevitably follow! These are the rules of the universe....God doesn`t hate us, just allows everything to happen.

My story has this too. I used to be in therapy and my therapist would both deny i had DID ...my therapist...had a lot of stuff going on...i was in love with him but forced myself to leave ...

So now i am alone and things are both hard and escalating...mentally speaking - although i find some ways to deal with it. This is very scary for me to realize i am really that sick...that i may never really heal COMPLETELY and i may need hospitalizations medications and lots of therapy....

The only thing for you to do for now, i guess, is to accept things the way there are...because right now you are tired of fighting. You can use what you have, relax, never be hard on yourself and not to let others, who don`t know what they are talking about, be hard on you! After you feel more settled in the place, which now feels so critical because no one is helping....you will probably find a better therapist and a better income and the right amount of medication.

I saw that now one answered your post yet and i came...because i care. Because i know how you feel and still know that there are people here who care about all of you!
You are welcome to PM me if you feel like it. I`m sorry you have to go through such a rough time.

[Bmee2]

Thank you ever so much for writing LadyMacbeth. You are correct. I just have to take a break from searching for a new T. Small doses of that is all I am able to tolerate at this time. It scares me the lack of consistent control....but...one day at a time....Thank you again.

[Irine]

yeah...sometimes we need to let go of control.

I am really sorry that your T search seems so hard right now. I hope that you will not give up. PLEASE keep on trying to find the right person. The right person is out there somewhere. I have an old therapist dump me after working with us for quite a few years and it was a big shock. We had to find someone new, and fast. That spring/summer we tried out 8 new people, and they were ALL duds...some where okay, but didn't know anything about trauma or DID, some were just jerks. I gave up searching for over a year. Needed a break. FINALLY, just by chance, I came across the right person and she was absolutely worth the long and hard wait because now I have the greatest T ever. PLEASE please don't give up. You will find someone.... I hope it will come soon!

[krazy_phoenix]

((((((((((((bmee))))))))))))

We are so sorry, and are in similar place. Those insurance companies will be the death of us....BUT we care and would listen to anything you have to say or just sit with you, if you want.

I'm sorry Bmee, I know that things are so difficult right now... I hope you get relief soon.

[Bmee2]

i, we, would like to apologize for being so lost and defeated. It has been hard struggling to find a new T, be a caregiver with no help, and have a reduction of medication because insurance company is only willing to pay for half of needed dosage. So up down and sideways i am.

[Gr3tta]

We are very sorry Bmee. It is so stupid for some insurance agent to be deciding what you need. Just wrong. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, too, caring for an ill parent? So hard to take care of others when taking care of self is a struggle. Searching for T is a really hard journey, but can make all the difference. Just keep at it as you can, when you need breaks from it, take them! Can be exhausting.
We are thinking about you. Sending good thoughts your way.