This place is for when we can't cope.
It is a place where we can say anything. Nobody can say we are wrong or bad to say things here.

Hugs are good here.

We have soft cushions on the floor. When we are falling apart it hurts already, and we don't want any more hurts from hitting a hard floor.

There are soft snuggly animals to hug. Sometimes we can't even say out loud how we are falling apart so we can whisper it to the snugglies.

What else do we need in here?

Lots of tissues, in different colours and all soft and smelling nice.

Maybe we need an umbrella from Petunia so those who are falling apart don't soak everyone else with their tears.

Please add any thing else you can think of.

all of us

[CedarS]

I brought some flashlights and life jackets. Flashlights to help us find things in dark when we want, life jackets when we want to float some.

I'll set up a space with pliable clay to work on and some finger paints.

First, I'm flopped down on some of those soft pillows.

I'm flopping on cushions too. Mine are black and purple and red right now but they will change when my mood changes.

The red is my feeling that I will explode soon.

The black is my feeling that things will always be bad, they will never change, this depression will keep on coming back.

The purple is my resentment and anger at the things nobody else does.

[CedarS]

Oh I like that idea very much, use of colors for the cushions.

Mine are silver gray because of tears that need to come out. Some have lightning streaks of red, yellow, and orange. Lightning is flares of pain. And this big brownish one is for punching, muddy anger.

[Zorah]

We'd like to come here too, whenever Lucy doesn't have to keep the controls so tight.
We're bringing candles (the big kind that glow through their patterns) & incense, so it smells good.
We got a punching bag, for hitting when the angry ppls come out, want us to bring that too ?

[Zorah]

Oh, oh, can we bring the cats

They are beautiful & they cuddle ppls when they cry, lick off the tears, not need umbrella.

Those all sound like great ideas, zorah.

Maybe lucy could let go for you to do a little bit of falling apart and thenyou might all feel better?

I've done all the coping I feel able to do today. Done lots of housework, lots of school work, ticked several things off my list and now I need a place to be, to be me. I'm feeling like I'm never going to get everything done, especially when it is just me doing it. And I know any minute now someone else will want me to fix something, sort something, do something, find something and I CAN'T DO IT ANY MORE.

Caroline

[tamzinrose]

Then don't.

[Fuzzybear]

Good advice.....

yes... if only it were an option in real life....

C

[CedarS]

Can you create a safe falling apart place in your own home? 15 minutes in bathroom with door locked?

When I was working in the book the courage to heal one of the first activities is create a safe place. The basic idea of this is finding a spot in the home where it is the one place where you can go to just be, work on the books, or any way that you need to be. This gave me an idea for what I call "the quiet area". I bought 2 six foot bookcases and arranged them in a corner so that the bookcases (one facing inside and one facing outside) and the two walls formed a room, with a walk space between the two bookcases. Inside that room I put a rocking chair, a comforter, and a pillow. On the shelves I had notebooks, pens, pencils, markers, plain white paper, color pencils, crayons, construction paper, scissors, glue, rulers pencil sharpeners, relaxation CDs and cassettes, walkman style CD and cassette players, 4 sets of headphones (one attatched to the CD player and cassette player and 2 spares for I learned the speakers always go in them at the wrong times), a lap style desk (mine was a crayola lap desk storage box bought in the crayons and markers isle of the store), workbooks and other books I always find helpful such as the courage to heal. Orr to the side but in reach of the rocking chair is what I call the mad box - a box full of newspapers, magazines and cardboard that I can cut up or rip up any way that I need to for anger or creating colloges or other projects in works. My son and I both used this room with the understanding that when one of us was in there that person was to be left alone. I still use my quiet area concept only it has recently been expanded into my sons bedroom (since I have been told he wont be home until he is 18) and now includes two full size desks and this computer, file cabinet and lock trunk.

[tamzinrose]

That is an incredible idea. If only I had enough space...

Great idea, myself. Ditto what tamzin said!

Carolin

thanks caroline and tamzinrose. My first guiet area was two feet by three feet. basically the width of the rocking chair. as time went on and I moved into another apparment it expanded to about three feet by three feet and now its a whole room about five by five maybe a bit more.

I find it really difficult to give myself "permission" to fall apart at home. It tends to take me a long time to pull myself together (probably because I bottle it up for so long). So I worry that I will be needed or that my children will see me upset. It's a bit of a vicious circle I'm afraid.

I like myself's idea of a safe space, but can't see how i could create it. A bubbly bath might work though. Thanks for the suggestion.

Caroline

[CedarS]

Oh yes, bubbly baths! I use baths and showers a lot, both for pain control and also for calming myself. Something about baths feels safely containing and nurturing, often if I need to cry I can finally in a bath or hot shower. I can fall apart while getting help pulling it back together.

[tamzinrose]

I never feel comfortable in the bath...

[tamzinrose]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Caroline said:
This place is for when we can't cope.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Then I think I'm actually here atm. Because I really can't deal right now. Sorry. I feel really guilty for saying this, since I have no reason to be falling apart, I just am. And I'm really sorry to all of you, because I really feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like it's your party and I'm gate-crashing. I know, bad metaphor, cause you guys probably don't wanna be here anyway, but you're all so nice, and all the different rooms and stuff are such good ideas that DID is the best forum on PC for me atm, but I really don't like to feel that I'm in a place I shouldn't be, which is the feeling I have atm, so I might have to stay out of DID from now on.

Tamzin, you belong here just as much as I do. I think you need to use help wherever you find it. I totally understand how the different rooms help you - I feel the same. Somehow they help me to put into words how I am feeling, where I am.
Having said that, I'm sorry you feel like you are falling apart. It's a bad place to be. You don't have to have a reason for feeling that way, and you certainly don't need to justify it. Feelings are feelings. But I do need to tell you that despite your feelings, I certainly don't feel that you are gate crashing here. You have given so much support to so many of us. Maybe it is just your time to let us try to support you.
Can you think of anything you can do taht will make you feel a bit better - or if not, anythign you can do which will pass the time? I was going to have a bath but I think I am just going to go to bed, read some more of my current book (Anne MacCaffrey, if anyone is interested!) and then try to catch up someon my backlog of sleep. Please keep coming back here.
Caroline

[tamzinrose]

Caroline, you always know just what to say. Thank you so much. *Hugs*

((((tamzin))))

How are things looking today?

Caroline

[tamzinrose]

Things are looking manageable now. I don't feel quite as bad now. Thank you. How are you?

Bleh.
thx for asking.
C