Exploring

Hiya everybody,

I don't even want to talk about this. I would much prefer to just check out of life and check back into my addictions. But that's not really an option so here goes.

Last night I was talking in chat to one member in particular about the dissociative stuff. He was able to access the others. I read the chat when I came back. They don't like me very much. I know I can be controlling but what the heck?

Anyway, I've told you all about the warehouse in my head with the little tara. I explored that warehouse last night and found a door that led to a beautiful meadow with knee high grass and a really big willow tree. When I was stuck inside I actually felt calm, which I haven't felt in a long long time.

I'm not quite sure what to make of all of it. I would like to know what the inside of your head looks like. Do you find calm? When I say you, I'm asking anybody who reads this.

Love and hugs,
Tara

if something happened upsetting in chat you can contact a moderator and they can help you. if I remember the rules here right (Im a bit spacey today) discussing private chat conversations and pms arent allowed on the boards.

whats inside our heads.. not sure what you are getting at. do you mean where do we go when we become our alters. when I was little my dissociating was falling into the mattress or chair or the wall so my head world was being part of a mattress or chair cushion - soft foam material around me and springs to keep anyone from getting too close, they would bounce off the springs and go flying away from me. or I would sink into the wall becoming a piece of wood with lots of paint and wall paper over me so even if they touched me I could not feel them through the paint and wall papers. even though I am an integrated person now that imagery of my head world when I was dissociating to that extreme does still bring me comfort.

in therapy, therapeutic groups and during stress and reduction class, we use imagery exercises for relaxation. The themes are many. Sometimes we "go for a walk in the woods" "go shopping to an endless mall that has everything we need to relax with" "sit on the beach by the ocean" Sometimes the exercise is sitting in front of a fire place watching the flames.. all kinds of imagery for calming and relaxing. each one has so far brought me comfort and calmness.

While reading your post one image popped into my mind. It’s something I have thought of a lot but only recently connected it to DID. It’s in the country, a meadow, by a lake, a beautiful tree, I’m sitting under it with a book. I can see others playing, running, fussing sometimes, but mostly just chillin.

The other with me don't like me either, I don't think it is all that uncommon. Our role of being the interface with the outside world requires us to act in ways the others are uncomfortable with.

I think a lot of people have safe places they go when they disassociate... At least that is what I got out of a conversation with one of my T's who was dumbfounded that not only did I not have a safe place I had no earthly clue what this 'safe place' thing was that she was talking about.

I am glad you found yours and have someplace nice to go to rest when things get to be too much.

My alters are not crazy about me either, they won't talk to me, meditation is what I need to work on. ty for sharing