[SoupDragon]

I have never been given a diagnosis - managing to function with T's help and no doctor to date. However I have been having experiences that I wondered whether anyone else can relate to.

Does anyone remember the plastic boxes with 2 eye pieces that you hold up in front of your eyes and then push a lever and a different image pops in front of your eyes?

Welll this is how life is for me sometimes. I will be doing something and suddenly it is like a lever has been pushed and my consciousness changes - it sort of makes me jump and freaks me out for a few seconds, like I have suddenly woken from a doze and don't recognise myself, then I settle down again.

I would be really grateful to hear whether anyone has these sort of experiences (if I have managed to describe them).

Many thanks Soup

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I have never been given a diagnosis - managing to function with T's help and no doctor to date. However I have been having experiences that I wondered whether anyone else can relate to.

Does anyone remember the plastic boxes with 2 eye pieces that you hold up in front of your eyes and then push a lever and a different image pops in front of your eyes?

Welll this is how life is for me sometimes. I will be doing something and suddenly it is like a lever has been pushed and my consciousness changes - it sort of makes me jump and freaks me out for a few seconds, like I have suddenly woken from a doze and don't recognise myself, then I settle down again.

I would be really grateful to hear whether anyone has these sort of experiences (if I have managed to describe them).

Many thanks Soup

the toy is called a view master and they can still be found in toy departments.

the switching between alters and me and from their thoughts to mine never scared me, probably because I had always been like that. What did scare me somewhat was gong through integration. I went from what I thought was normal (switching, hearing voices, sharing my body with others) to what was abnormal to me (being one whole person, one mind, one thought /point of view - mine, no alters voices, no alters switching)

thankfully my therapist recognized how hard it was for DID people to go from switching from alter to alter, mulitple points of views, mulitple senses, to that of experiencing everything as one whole person. She started a therapeutic group where we could talk about our integrative processes and its problems of going from many to one.

[SoupDragon]

Thank-you amandalouise for sharing your experience and relieving my frustration of knowing the name of the view master - wow didn't know you could still get them.

Maybe any change takes a while to adjust, from good to bad, from bad to good - we are more comfortable with what we are used to.

But can I ask whether the switching between alters that you describe is anything like I describe (minus the uncomfortable feelings).

Hope your support group is helpful to you - many thanks Soup

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Thank-you amandalouise for sharing your experience and relieving my frustration of knowing the name of the view master - wow didn't know you could still get them.

Maybe any change takes a while to adjust, from good to bad, from bad to good - we are more comfortable with what we are used to.

But can I ask whether the switching between alters that you describe is anything like I describe (minus the uncomfortable feelings).

Hope your support group is helpful to you - many thanks Soup

my switching like yours not exactly. one thing you need to k now before I explain about my switching..

nobody is going to have the same way of dissociating. though everyone who has the disorder DID and fits the same diagnostic criteria, no one has the same way of dissociating.

this is because everyone has their own reactions to trauma, stress, fears, anxiety....and ... everyone has their own limits of what their own bodies can withstand..... and .... everyone has their own coping mechanisms...

and we all come from different family environments..

so no two people are going to have the same way dissociation fits into their life..

example one persons dissociation affects them by making them feel small, another dissociation makes them feel like they are falling backwards or forwards, up or down... this person sees like through a fog and that one sees as if the edges of things become sharper, this one goes blind and that one goes deaf..

the way dissociation affects you - seeing as if looking through a view master is not how it affects me.

my switching was nothing extraordinary. it was literally no awareness of time passing, one second I would be on my way to school and the next I was being tucked in bed at night by my mother. I would be doing my chores in the garden on a summer day and the next second sitting on a plastic bag sliding down the hill in the winter with my friends.

there was no awareness of anything in between for me because I had no co consciousness between me and my alters.

After years and years of therapy I learned to notice my feelings and was able to recognize some triggers that made me switch. but again there was very little awareness of actually dissociating. with me it happened so quick bada bing badaboom

then after some more years of therapy I was able to focus on the voices, when the voices started screaming I knew I was going to switch.

Then after some more time in therapy I was able to recognize feeling like I was moving sometimes shrinking sometimes floating backwards, sometimes moving forwards like I was falling forwards.

Sometimes smells would come through. but other than that there wasnt much. Sight wise it was like trying to see down the street on a very foggy day.

my switching out of alters the only affect I had was a headache. not like a migraine there was no auras nor spots not light sensitivity. more like a stress headache. vision wise everything looked it was supposed to look. there was no changing of consciousness or thoughts because I had very little to no co consciousness between me and my alters.

please try not to worry about how you may not be experiencing dissociation like any one else or even like anyone else. though everyone has to meet the same diagnostic criteria to be DID, the ways there are for people to dissociate is infinite and dissociation affects each person differently.

[SoupDragon]

Again thank-you so much for this reply - the explanation is really helpful and also that everyone may experience dissociation differently.

My T always tells me not to worry about labels, it is how I am thinking / feeling at anyone time that is important - but it is actually helpful to me to have some understanding beyond that.

Very best wishes to you - Soup

[Gr3tta]

Oh!! We love that toy!! That and kaleidoscopes!!!
Sorry we don't have anything very useful to say, but we feel a lot of excitement over the toy, and just wanted to share it. Wishing you well!
~Julia & Millie

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta

Oh!! We love that toy!! That and kaleidoscopes!!!
Sorry we don't have anything very useful to say, but we feel a lot of excitement over the toy, and just wanted to share it. Wishing you well!
~Julia & Millie

lol - yes kaleidoscopes are great too! Thank-you, wishing you well too.