I wrote this in my journal after I spent a night in the ER for physical reasons and it became very "holey" and spaced out, like usual.

It's getting old and I'm really tired of all these missing spaces. I don't think I ever realized, until recently how much of my life I spend not connected. It's almost more terrible knowing. Before it was like "O I'm sick, I'm really sick, I have no idea why, but I'm sick" and now that it's become known why, I spend my entire life "dancing between the raindrops". Never knowing what the heck is going on or how to control it. I want to be myself so badly, more then ever, I want to be truthful. I want to show people who I am, but I can only go so far. I can only go so far, because if all my selves acted themselves I would look like a huge, condescending jerk. If they all spit out everything. Everything they all had to say. I would look like such a huge hypocrite
.
Eating meat is sinful- I love these shrimp
I am the most confident person in the world- you should probably cut yourself, you fat *****.
People who attention seek need love- Those jerks need a day job
I am so clean- Look at your apartment it looks like a pig sty
I hate *****s- I am a *****
Don't call yourself a fat- You're fat
(makes sarcastic joke about gay people)- I'm pansexual and believe in equal opportunities for all genders, sexual orientations and sexual identities.
Stupid people and their sorry grammar- They took they're dog to the park and you're kid two.
I hate snakes- Don't kill them! I'll pick them up and take them outside...

"I thought you hated snakes" "O yea, I do, uhh I just don't want any animal to die, you know".


Lies, lies, lies, you'll live your whole life in one big lie, where you "dance between the raindrops" and fill in spaces, so nobody else thinks you're just weird.

It's true that I will never, ever get to be who I truly am, because the truth is is that I am one of many, sharing a body that everyone else thinks has to match. Do you like adhering to being somebody else? What if you were forced to be your sister? Eventually it gets really old. People say "what's the big deal if people believe you, if they understand"? What's the big deal? Because you're asking me to adhere to one set of goals, motives, thoughts, opinions, when I have many sets. It's okay for a set of three sisters to be completely different, to have three personalities in three different bodies. But when three personalities exist in one body, you just look like one big hypocritical moron, who lies a lot. No wonder nobody believes DID. Long before we figure it out, we look like liars.

[coldwutlulz]

I'd always wonder about that problem. One alter says one thing and then another says something to contradict what the previous alter said.