[Puzzle_]

I have always been a bit of a recluse, I have alters that most definitely aren't.
But I am, and for a reason.
How do you deal with , despite being apparently functional you are still desperately not?
I have alters that do things for me, and get things done, but I am desperately lost, and upset.
How do you deal with the social stigma even in the mental health community, that this disorder is not handled the same by all therapists and not widely known about and not widely accepted, due to so much controversy. And that if the secret becomes recognized or you get "caught" switching by average people, you are either "really cool" or "super wierd"...?? nobody knows this is a lonely lonely confusing place to be in. To be

How does one get through life being given mixed messages about DID itself.
I feel incredibly upset inside, very sad at the moment, that what went on in my childhood, caused such a disorder where, there is so much stigma still attached. It makes me feel like a crazy freak, that I have to be punished even more, and more for what happeend to me, and isolated and looked at like Im a crazy person.

So much that is unknown and unable to be defined. People , once they see me in a vulnerable state, where I suddenly turn into a little kid...
it means im crazy, or just not functional.
Which is so untrue, I can very much make it through the day, I dont know HOW but I do...sometimes it works smoothly, and at times it doesnt.
There arent DID specialists that I can see really, not in my area that I know of. Even specialists, how could they understand what its like to live like this.

Anybody understand?

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[likewater]

Hi, puzzle. I saw your other post today. I'm sorry you hurt yourself. You cant judge yourself through other people' s eyes.i
recommend a simple no nonsense down to earth book called GOT PARTS. I really like it. It has everything in it from tips on how to stay safe and then all kinds of other stuff. It explained why people react so strongly ti DID . People are usually relying on
misconceptions they got from sensationalized movies etc...as for what other people think , i like a quote from Ru Paul: "what other
people think of you is none of your business." Sending you hugs. ((((Puzzle)))) ((((all puzzles pieces))))

[Puzzle_]

Thank you . Im often wary of reading about DID, since everything is so double sided, but I will give it a look.

I am very much interested to find out why people react the way they do. I guess in one sense I should be happy DID is in the media and people get educated, but its so sensationalized that people really dont see it for what it is, and expect it to be a bunch of things its not.
But you are right, people will think what they want, about everything.

thank you

(((likewater)))

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[MeAndMore]

Puzzle_, you and I really seem to be having the same questions & i am so happy you're asking the questions I know what I am and have been living this way for 45 years. I also know not everyone understands it and I can't expect my Dr. to know what I feel or experience because there is no way for him to unless he is the same which he is not. I like that Dr's have to continue their education every year to keep their license so I would hope more of them are looking for information in this area and become more aware. It sure is hard finding the right one though, to talk to. I agree it is really hard when you go to one who thinks you're not what you are and spends all their time trying to put you into some other "acceptable" disorder that they think they are good at treating and in the process they are making us feel like we are stupid and crazy. Some day, some way, we will find the right one to help us and get better. I cling to this hope.

[Puzzle_]

Originally Posted by MeAndMore

Puzzle_, you and I really seem to be having the same questions & i am so happy you're asking the questions I know what I am and have been living this way for 45 years. I also know not everyone understands it and I can't expect my Dr. to know what I feel or experience because there is no way for him to unless he is the same which he is not. I like that Dr's have to continue their education every year to keep their license so I would hope more of them are looking for information in this area and become more aware. It sure is hard finding the right one though, to talk to. I agree it is really hard when you go to one who thinks you're not what you are and spends all their time trying to put you into some other "acceptable" disorder that they think they are good at treating and in the process they are making us feel like we are stupid and crazy. Some day, some way, we will find the right one to help us and get better. I cling to this hope.

You're reply really really helped me feel less alone. This whole thing is so confusing all in itself, plus the many prejudices many regular people have about DID , just makes it harder. Sometimes I dont want to get help anymore and just deal with this a day at a time, but even that can become unpredictable and hard for me.

I hope that soon professionals and people can truly learn about all of this.
This is my hope as well.

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[Trippin2.0]

I wouldn't dare try to understand. Just wish I could hug you and make you feel less lonely.
I read thru the DID forum daily, so I'm kinda 'aware' of the struggles posters face here, but I never say anything, cos I know I don't getit, and don't want to offend anybody. I'm making an exception today tho, coz I hate to see you so hurt.
Please don't lose hope, who knows, maybe the sun will shine a bit brighter tomorrow.XOXO

[Puzzle_]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I wouldn't dare try to understand. Just wish I could hug you and make you feel less lonely.
I read thru the DID forum daily, so I'm kinda 'aware' of the struggles posters face here, but I never say anything, cos I know I don't getit, and don't want to offend anybody. I'm making an exception today tho, coz I hate to see you so hurt.
Please don't lose hope, who knows, maybe the sun will shine a bit brighter tomorrow.XOXO

Oh , that is so very nice of you...I dont think you should be afraid of offending anybody, its nice ..in my book anyway that someone tries to educate themselves and not just sit there and think we're all nuts heh.
Thank you

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[Trippin2.0]

Pleasure's all mine. And thank you, maybe I'll try joining in where I can... Thinking of you

do you have any friends irl? we would be more than happy to talk to you but for now prefer the privacy of PM if youd like to talk. Yes,we are DID too

[Puzzle_]

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

do you have any friends irl? we would be more than happy to talk to you but for now prefer the privacy of PM if youd like to talk. Yes,we are DID too

I havent any close friends that I meet with regularly in real life, only acquaintances.

I would like to speak in PM, that would be fine.

Puzzle_ Puzzle_ _CR

[Open Eyes]

(((((Puzzle)))))),

I am like Trippen and though I don't know very much about DID, I have asked my T about it and he did explain it to me. Just so you don't feel so bad, not many people understand what I have either (cPTSD). So I know how it can be and there is a stima attached to what I have too.

I have met some very nice members here that also have DID. I don't think of them as nuts at all to be honest and I have had some very nice conversations with them.
Crew and PorcelainDoll are my friends here.

(((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

[possum220]

Dear Puzzle.

You aren't alone, even though it may feel like that. Regardless of which mental illness you have there is a stigma attached. Even family don't understand. It's just a fact.

I have found a couple of people who have DID like me irl. They understand when I get triggered. I don't scare them.

I used to go to a support group and found it good to be among people who struggled on a daily basis like me. I helped me to not be so isolated. Maybe that might help?

Peace

[roads]

Like Open Eyes & Trippin, I don't live with this. So many of us in this community interact and I've begun to sense bits here & there, especially how people IRL don't understand & how hard getting the right T & pdoc can be. And we have overlapping things too, like depression and bipolar to deal with.

I try to hear you and offer support. Although I don't live with DID, I still know there are different Roadies in a sense who deal best with different things. Like, my dad would only respond to the 12-yr-old me without getting mad--so when I feel like I need to handle an angry adult, I become twelve ... I have a better chance. And it's been a hard thing for me to not do, to not let that 12-yr-old rule.

I know it's not the same thing, but I'm trying to understand & that's what seems similar in my experience. Am I anywhere close? Tell me to go away if you want. I don't want to make things worse.

[likewater]

((((Puzzle)))) it sucks when you cant find someone to treat you. They have to accept your insurance, understand your issues, be a good
fit in other words not a jerk.i pray you get what you need.

[LeafLace]

Originally Posted by Puzzle_

How do you deal with , despite being apparently functional you are still desperately not?

I relate to this strongly, Puzzle. I'm a recluse, too and often can't answer the phone or make eye contact with people or even speak when spoken to but I have alters that get me out into the world and perform certain tasks for me that I can't perform myself.

One part of me is good at talking to doctors, asking questions, offering information, which has frequently worked to my disadvantage because she always takes over in clinical settings (even in the ER when I've been close to completely unravelling only minutes before) and she's the only one they ever see and is very composed, engaged and articulate, so it's hard for doctors and therapists to understand that this is not the piece of me that is in charge of other areas of my life, even when she explains very carefully what the situation is.

My previous T didn't believe I had DID because this alter was only talking about herself in therapy but not identifying herself (I'm male, btw) and the parts of my life that she knows about, which is far from the whole story. I didn't talk about my suspicions of DID again until I started with a new T and when I confided that some of my alters have thoughts of violence (which they don't act on... We live in a violent culture and I grew up in an abusive environment... Who doesn't/wouldn't have the odd thought?) and the agency's treatment of me immediately changed.

I've never so much as had a speeding ticket and they became very standoffish and treated me like a criminal and/or crazy person, which is how I sometimes feel anyway but I had never been treated that way by people that were supposed to be helping me. It's a very discouraging feeling. Not at all helpful, especially to go from being treated like I was exaggerating my experience to being treated like I was underestimating my danger to the general public. It seems to be one extreme or the other.

Originally Posted by likewater

as for what other people think , i like a quote from Ru Paul: "what other
people think of you is none of your business."

I often think of that quote, too, likewater. The world is a better place with RuPaul in it.

if nothing else the world is certainly better looking with rupaul in it!

did is did. it is what is is...it saved our lives...allowed all of us to get thru what ever nightmare we all were stuck in. it worked like a charm back in the day..now as adults sometimes it doesn't work as smoothly. for many years it wasn't even thought to exist. then it was thought to be rare. then..oh boy everyone & their brother (& sister) seemed to have it...it was the happening condition.

in truth everyone disassociates ..we just do it way more to the extreme & for a whole different set of reasons. you are driving & all of a sudden you are home..hello? that type of thing..yup that's it!

look..i don't normally offer up my did to people. can't be bothered explaining it..& honestly it is none of their business...others don't go around offering their cardiac history or such. people have emotions & switch back & forth all the time between them...with me most of the time that is all it looks like...99% of the people wouldn't notice anything different because they don't think to look.

at times it would be nice to blame everything that goes wrong for me on it but i can't...just like i can not do the same for my ptsd (or asthma, kidney issues etc). stuff goes wrong because of my actions, inactions, other's actions or what ever...but to blame it on a condition & use that as a scapegoat to me is just a way of not accepting responsibility.

this is my take..for my system of peeps. yours might be different.

[Nammu]

I understand, I'm intergrated now but remember the feeling of crazy and lonely even though I wasn't really alone. Being told DID was a coping mechanism for a child to deal with the unthinkable yet being ostracized by docs for our actions. Sometimes getting help felt crazy making too. Hang in there it does get better. You will meet people on your journey who "get it" Like Trinity Dancer, and many others on here, PC. Wish I could offer more than just words.