[Secrets-In-Me]

Someone I love and care about very deeply recently admitted to be having what he called 'multiple personality disorder.' (Which I'm assuming is now refereed to as Dissociative Disorder.)

In all honesty I had no idea what it was, or how to even comprehend how it worked, so I started to read things on the internet. And it spooked me a bit simple because I don't understand it. I've never experienced it.

A couple weeks ago me and him got into a rather bad fight. He was saying and doing very hurtful things even when I wanted to drop it and was telling him he was right.

Tworeds the end of the fight I was so overwhelmed and drained by the fight that I ended up sending myself into a rather bad anxiety attack. I remember he reached his hand out to help me and as soon I clung to him it was like his whole additude and being just changed.

After calming me down he broke down crying and all he could say was, 'I'm so sorry. I tried so hard to come back. I could see that I was doing things to hurt you but I couldn't stop myself.'

Quite frankly, I don't want to be scared of him. (Like I stated earlier. I really care for and love him.) But in all honesty, I'm a little scared that I'm going to piss him off again and send him right back into the way he was that night.

I don't want to sound ignorant or say anything bad about people who suffer from this disorder, I just simple want to understand what to do, how to reconginze signs and how to help him when he's going into this state of being.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Secrets-In-Me

Someone I love and care about very deeply recently admitted to be having what he called 'multiple personality disorder.' (Which I'm assuming is now refereed to as Dissociative Disorder.)

In all honesty I had no idea what it was, or how to even comprehend how it worked, so I started to read things on the internet. And it spooked me a bit simple because I don't understand it. I've never experienced it.

A couple weeks ago me and him got into a rather bad fight. He was saying and doing very hurtful things even when I wanted to drop it and was telling him he was right.

Tworeds the end of the fight I was so overwhelmed and drained by the fight that I ended up sending myself into a rather bad anxiety attack. I remember he reached his hand out to help me and as soon I clung to him it was like his whole additude and being just changed.

After calming me down he broke down crying and all he could say was, 'I'm so sorry. I tried so hard to come back. I could see that I was doing things to hurt you but I couldn't stop myself.'

Quite frankly, I don't want to be scared of him. (Like I stated earlier. I really care for and love him.) But in all honesty, I'm a little scared that I'm going to piss him off again and send him right back into the way he was that night.

I don't want to sound ignorant or say anything bad about people who suffer from this disorder, I just simple want to understand what to do, how to reconginze signs and how to help him when he's going into this state of being.

Originally Posted by Secrets-In-Me

Quite frankly, I don't want to be scared of him. (Like I stated earlier. I really care for and love him.) But in all honesty, I'm a little scared that I'm going to piss him off again and send him right back into the way he was that night.

unfortunately DID (MPD as you call it) is a very unpredictable and scary mental disorder, where you have no control over what will and what wont as you say "piss him off and send him into the way he was"

maybe it will help you to learn about the disorder...

first the diagnostics - this is what the mental health providers here use for diagnosing whether someone has this mental disorder or not here in the United States of America -

the following is just the present critieria. this may be changing in the near future as the new DSM 5 is now being discussed and put together by the american psychiatric association here in america that will have updated diagnostics for mental disorders.

"A. The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

B. At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person's behavior.

C. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance(e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures). Note: In children, thesymptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play."
(found at http://www.behavenet.com/dissociative-identity-disorder and is also located in the diagnostic statistical manual that treatment providers here in the USA use called the DSM IV TR.)

here where I live and work what this is broken down into simple terms is that the person has a special type of two or more alternate personalities that constantly/repeatedly take control. the person with the disorder has a special type of memory loss and other symptoms that are not caused by things like drugs, alcohol and other mental and physical health problems that may cause the same appearance of switching like seizures. and lastly the alters are not the kind that are imaginary friends or other fantasies.

here where I live and work it is believed the alters are created when a child under the age of 5 dissociates while / during trauma, that results in the separation of the childs feelings/emotions/memories/....and catagorized (other places may use the terms "compartmentalized" "specific" "specialized" the DSM IV TR uses the term "distinct")this creates another personality where this categorical personality acts on its own just like a normal human being based on what their purpose/jobs are.

So you see this friend of yours has all these alters that are acting on their own for what ever reasons they were created for, their purpose /jobs. some of them may very well be ones that contain scary/angry/emotional things and the triggers for their "coming out" cant be predicted, just like whaty you do and dont do cant be predicted. one day you may suddenly be angry or sad or happy, want to go shopping or change your mind and stay home.... theres no way to predict what you think, and do, the same with alters, they are acting completely on their own just like you are.

in the end all you have control over is you. some people can "walk on egg shells" 24/7 and minding their manners and such and still the alters if thats their job/purpose will find a reason to get in your words "pissed off"

you have a choice you can roll with the punches as they come because no matter what you say and do they will come if thats the alters purpose /job, or you can get out, crude way of putting it yes but thats how it is.

example my wife tried "the I wont do anything to upset her" route.. an alter came out and in crude language told her to wipe that grin off her face," another was offended because she asking things like "what do you want to do?" "is it ok if I do ..." another alter took a swing at her because the only time anyone was nice to this alter was to hurt her so she struck first, and I the host was also having a huge problem because for a time after she was told I had this disorder and met a few alters my wifes behavior - how she said and did things totally changed from being the way she normally was to walking on egg shells so as not to set my alters off. I felt the distance and thought all kinds of things.. she doesnt love me anymore, she's scared of me and my alters, shes having an affair, she thinks Im crazy... we had all kinds of fights because she was trying to be a perfectionist so as not to set my alters off. we ended up in couples therapy and she discovered with this disorder even being nice and compliant will set alters off and cause problems.

the couples therapist asked my wife a cool question - would you walk on egg shells, try to not piss your partner off if she was depressed and suicidal, or if she broke her arm, or if she had a cold and this was a discussion about not getting out of bed, taking a handful of pills, not being mindful or how to be mindful of the broken arm?

my wife told him of course not I'd kick her *** out of bed, take away the pills and maybe hospitalize her against her will if needed to keep her alive and prevent her from re injuring the broken bone even if it means pissing her off by not taking her skiing. Id roll and deal just like every other couple does

the therapist said theres your answer.

she had to make the decision of either rolling with the punches or get out. shes my wife now that says it all. she stuck it out and dealt with each alter and what came as it came, just like any other couple and marriages had/has/have things they fight about and deal with, so do couples where mental and physical health issues are part of it.

only you can decide what to do, and how to do it.

my suggestion have some talks with your guy, tell him how you feel and discuss what his having this mental disorder is going to affect the relationship. that will tell you what you need / want to do with what you now know.

recognizing signs - each DID affects each of us differently.. some people look spacy others look more aware, some people look down others look normal, some people smile others look angry, some people show what ever appearance their alters are, for some people there are no recognizable signs that non treatment providers would see, hear or know.

in the end the only signs is how ever DID affects this guy and what his alters are like.

the same with how to help him only your guy and his treatment providers can say what is best for him.

again my suggestion talk with your guy. he and his treatment providers are the only ones that know what he's like what his system of alters is like and what he needs from you.

another thing we dont tell other members on psych central what to do here, you have to follow what ever he and his treatment provider say to do. all we do here is tell you if we had the same problem and how we dealt with it according to what our own treatment providers said was right for us. what was right for me may not be right for you and your guy..

[likewater]

I'm sorry that happened. I dont know how to make a switch happen except maybe call his name? It seems like your reaching your hand out worked. The problem is i think , even our therapists and those of us with the disorder don' t full understand it. Or maybe it is
Just different for everybody or maybe i'm just really new to this part of my disorder.

[Secrets-In-Me]

I'm really sorry if I offended anyone, because that wasn't my intention. But thank you so much for your helpful insight and I will try the things you suggested. We recently decided to do weekly sit down and talk sessions to lay everything out in the open that has been bothering us so that it doesn't get to the point where he gets so angry and frustrated that his other...whatever you may call it...comes out.