Hijacked by my ALter Ego!

I'm pissed! Pissed that that ***** took me hostage. Hijacked my body and now I'M SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES!

Does anyone else ever feel this way??

yup all the time

We used to feel this way a LOT before we started getting along a little better. There is one particular insider who loves to shop , which I hate, so she would take over and do that a lot and so my closet ended up with all of HER style of clothes. Or one time, I found myself in another part of the country-- all thanks to her.

Yea, body hijacking sucks....especially when you have to " clean up their mess"

I was always being blamed for things that I now know happened when I was dissociated but I never felt the way you do. before I was diagnosed with DID I had DID symptoms of losing time, not remembering things, having people tell/blame me for things I didnt do..all this went on since before I was 5 (my youngest dissociation into alters was at the age of 2 or three, possibly younger since my youngest alter that was known to my treatment providers was a yr and a half) I didnt begin integration until I was 26-29. that means as far as my treatment providers and I can tell I had been dissociating where alters were taking control for at least 25-30 yrs. So for me alters taking control of my body was just something I grew up with and was a normal thing to happen.

It may sound strange to some but for me what was hard, strange and sometimes infuriating for me was being integrated - being the one in control all the time, not having alters taking control, I could no longer rely or place blame upon the alters taking control of my body. before integration I remember many times looking at my therapist and saying sorry wasnt me it was red, green or blue that did or said that, nope wasnt me, all the while having no feelings of guilt, remorse anger.... After integration its like "ah sh... that wasnt the right thing to do and cant even say wasnt me...." full of guilt, remorse and other emotions. But all things considered I wouldnt change anything if I could.

Yea I agree with AmandaLouise... I don't tend to feel remorse for what my self states do... but then I always feel bad saying that to people, because I deal with people who don't know much about DID, so I'm always fearful they'll point a finger and tell me I'm making up excuses. I always have my therapist, who does deal with DID, help me explain, because I fear they won't listen to me, the measly client. But I've been abused in a clinical setting before, so it may be why I'm so touchy about people believing me.

Yes. It is very difficult to deal with that. Remember that the alter is a part of you which needs to be heard. There is a reason the alter is acting out. It does not always look like it, but there are ways to find out what the alter needs.

Oh my gosh! I just posted about the same thing over in my conversation titled "Damage Control for Alter's Misbehavior"! I'm not much help because I'm just as pissed and frustrated as you are. I'm newly diagnosed DID, less than 2 months ago. But please know that I get it and understand where you're coming from Here's what I said...

****May Trigger**** I'm stuck in a vicious catch 22 cycle!! Hello my new friends. Well, it's been a week since my last post. But, unfortunately nothing has really changed. In fact, it has probably gotten worse. My partner (decided even though he's my EX-husband, he is still my CURRENT partner) just can't seem to accept my diagnosis of DID.

****May Trigger**** He has been searching the same website for more porn videos of me and he has found several more. I really wish he'd stop, but it's just eating him up. They are extremely graphic. They seem to fall into 2 types. In several of them, I am actively participating and it seems to be very consenting. ****May Trigger**** But in several others, it looks like I am basically allowing myself to be raped and abused. In the worst one, I am with 3 men at the same time.

My partner flips between anger/disbelief/disgust to being supportive and concerned. He flips between believing I'm DID and that this is clearly an alter acting out to I'm a liar who is leading a double life who doesn't love him. I understand that he must feel horribly betrayed, hurt and confused. He simply cannot wrap his head around the idea that my flesh and blood body is shared by several people. He can't understand that I have no memory of any of this and he is upset that I can't summon the alter out to confess. He's been to several therapy sessions with DID experts, so he is educated- he is just not processing it and understanding it.

I'm so torn on what to do. Part of me says that I need to leave the relationship, at least temporarily. But I (host) love this man. We've known each other for 30 years. We were married for 18 years and we have 3 children together. He is my best friend. I only have one other person to confide in about this besides him and that's my sister who lives on the other side of the country. I keep thinking that he will work through this phase and that I just need to be patient. But, we go round and round, talking for hours and never resolving anything. We don't talk about anything else anymore. It seems that the more pressure and stress I'm being put under to communicate with my alters, the deeper into hiding they are going.

I really do want to figure this out. #1) What happened to me when I was little that I even created my alters? #2) What happened 3 years ago? There's a ton of unanswered questions. And #3) Most importantly, what is this alter's story and how can I help her?

I'm hitting an extremely frustrating and painful roadblock. How did your diagnosis of DID affect your relationships? How did you handle the shock and the fallout that followed an alter acting out?

I agree with WePow. As WePow stated there is a reason. Find the reason and I think you find the part of the answer and hopefully all of the answer.

Your in my thoughts, Crew

It doesn't feel like she's part of me. It feels like we are separate people. I don't get her at all... but then sometimes I do....

It's all way too confuusing.

I'm just blaming it on my blonde hair for the time being.

hahaha... who cares right?? I cant believe what whiney things that were written by my user name here.

I want to stay me forever.