[fallenembers]

Hello, I've been referred here to this forum by the clinician I had in the IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) I just finished. She said she couldn't find any DID groups that actually meet in person, so she told me to give this a try.

My story: I was diagnosed with DID in 2005. Before that, I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) in 2002. To my understanding, between the years of 2005 through 2008 or so, I had integrated my parts with intensive work with a psychologist, and had been doing so well for about 4 years. No dissociative symptoms, nor borderline behaviors (although I don't feel the borderline stuff was really ever worked out). Around this time last year, I started to have a recurrence of dissociative-type symptoms: seeing the "room" inside my head with some alters, some old, some new. I also began feeling some trigger-type experiences as far as uncomfortableness around men (in particular). Then in March of this year, my BPD symptoms began returning, most notably my "attachment" issues with particular people. In the past, it had been that I get severely attached to my therapist at the time. This happened with many therapists throughout the years, that wound up terminating therapy with me. Well, this time it began happening with my current therapist, which led to me starting the IOP program recently. My therapist was going on vacation and wanted me to be safe so she had me go to this program. (This is not the first time I've done the IOP either). I was put on Lamictal and I had already been taking Prozac. The Lamictal has not done much yet, but I have to wait until it is increased little by little until I should notice any effect. Next week, I return to my usual therapist (the one I have the attachment to). I discovered in the IOP that the borderline issues seem to be coming from an alter. I believed this alter to be new, but obviously, she has been around for quite some time. I do not know whether my therapist is equipped to help me with DID nor BPD, although when I did start seeing her several years ago, she experienced the DID. It's easy to say, well why don't I find a new therapist then? Well, that's not easy nor can I even imagine doing that with the attachment.

So, I guess I am here, on this forum to see what kind of additional support I can get in between therapy sessions. Because this recurrence of DID and BPD has thrown me for a loop and even though I have a great understanding of these disorders as I've worked for many years through them, I feel completely back to my old self again as far as not knowing how to deal with all of this again. I guess I am considered co-conscious.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for the long post.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by fallenembers

Hello, I've been referred here to this forum by the clinician I had in the IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) I just finished. She said she couldn't find any DID groups that actually meet in person, so she told me to give this a try.

My story: I was diagnosed with DID in 2005. Before that, I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) in 2002. To my understanding, between the years of 2005 through 2008 or so, I had integrated my parts with intensive work with a psychologist, and had been doing so well for about 4 years. No dissociative symptoms, nor borderline behaviors (although I don't feel the borderline stuff was really ever worked out). Around this time last year, I started to have a recurrence of dissociative-type symptoms: seeing the "room" inside my head with some alters, some old, some new. I also began feeling some trigger-type experiences as far as uncomfortableness around men (in particular). Then in March of this year, my BPD symptoms began returning, most notably my "attachment" issues with particular people. In the past, it had been that I get severely attached to my therapist at the time. This happened with many therapists throughout the years, that wound up terminating therapy with me. Well, this time it began happening with my current therapist, which led to me starting the IOP program recently. My therapist was going on vacation and wanted me to be safe so she had me go to this program. (This is not the first time I've done the IOP either). I was put on Lamictal and I had already been taking Prozac. The Lamictal has not done much yet, but I have to wait until it is increased little by little until I should notice any effect. Next week, I return to my usual therapist (the one I have the attachment to). I discovered in the IOP that the borderline issues seem to be coming from an alter. I believed this alter to be new, but obviously, she has been around for quite some time. I do not know whether my therapist is equipped to help me with DID nor BPD, although when I did start seeing her several years ago, she experienced the DID. It's easy to say, well why don't I find a new therapist then? Well, that's not easy nor can I even imagine doing that with the attachment.

So, I guess I am here, on this forum to see what kind of additional support I can get in between therapy sessions. Because this recurrence of DID and BPD has thrown me for a loop and even though I have a great understanding of these disorders as I've worked for many years through them, I feel completely back to my old self again as far as not knowing how to deal with all of this again. I guess I am considered co-conscious.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for the long post.

welcome...fallenmembers...i was also told to find a d.i.d group for help and support but found none within driving distance. My social worker found this site for me. I have very good support here on PC every one is so kind and help full.Sometimes i post things that i don't necessarily need anyone to respond too just to vent or get some thing off my chest.And i have made some friends. Here on PC you can talk to people who understand what you are going through....see you around...life

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Welcome fallen embers. This is a fantastic site for many, especially i have found it helpful for dissociation and abuse survivors. Play around in the forum, there are tons of places to post. And if youre anything like me you will be addicted to pc in no time lol. Heck i spend most of my days off in bed until 11 or 12 on pc (gotta love 3g on my phone) when im at work i go on pc, i think o have a problem lol. But this place has gotten me through some very difficult times, and will help you too if you let it. Take care of yourself and post any time you need to

[fallenembers]

Thank you, Such Is Life, and PurpleFlyingMonkeys. Before I posted in this particular dissociation forum, I had posted a few times in the Psychotherapy forum under the thread that has to do with telling your T something...Dear T or something like that. And I found it helpful to say (write/type) things that I wish I could tell my T, but can't. So yes, so far this site has been helpful. Nice to meet you both!

[kyangel04]

Welcome to PC fallen embers. I'm new here too. Everyone has been great. I use this forum as my 'home'. But, there's other places I like to visit.

If you have any questions or need to talk. Dont hesitate to PM me.

take care, kyangel

[fallenembers]

Hi Kyangel. Thanks for the welcome What other places do you like to visit?

[wanttoheal]

Welcome. I hope you will find a wonderful online support here.

[fallenembers]

Thank you, wanttoheal

[LouR]

I was wondering that, that an alter can have borderline personality disorder...thank you for sharing that. I largely have been clueless to my alters until recently. Thank you again

[fallenembers]

Originally Posted by LouR

I was wondering that, that an alter can have borderline personality disorder...thank you for sharing that. I largely have been clueless to my alters until recently. Thank you again

No problem, LouR. Glad to have brought that up then. I'm pretty certain that is the case. Will hopefully be able to address it further with my T.

[kyangel04]

Hi again,
I like some of the social groups. Like, books, tv tube, a few others. I really spend most of my time here. I feel safe and comfortable here.