Struggling

Hey... Well I'm just a 19 year old girl struggled with DID since I was about 7 or 8 I've been bullied, abused and hurt a lot in the past both phisically and i suppose mentally sometimes if I got hurt enough.. Well something in me would just snapp I supposedly changed... The way I acted carried myself my personality hell it becomes a stark opposite omnicidal/homicidal...hatefull abrasive...volitale... Semi sadistic... As of yet "Artemis" has only hurt those who have pushed or hurt me to far, but I'm worried one day it could be someone I care about a freind, my love, family... Its like I am tied in the back of a car carring off track and I can't do ANYTYING about it... I can't seem to regain controll of Myself!... It frightens me...the stories of all I done nothing too bad thank god..my freinds have had to knock "me" out when I get like that... I can be really self abusive slamming my head into things... My body into things I used to cut...("Artemis" has a blood fascination I think supposedly "I" was trying to finger paint with it...) biteing on my hands arms knees.. Tearing into my skin with my nails my freinds say my eyes fogg over like there's no one there and I've done some pretty bad things nearly blinding one eye with bleach..nearly walking into traffic nearly stabbing my arm deep with a big knife ect sometimes I go into a world of my own... My island... Im always drawing the people creatures places maps of it I have gotten better as I've gotten older... But I still struggle with Artemis and the self abuse, spacing out flashbacks... Sometimes there still really bad the nightmares are really bad struggling with all my hate anger pain... I want to be ok... I need help... I struggle trusting others but I need some help... Truely I do.. I'm struggling a lot more then I show...

Hi. I hear you. I have a similar insider. Know you are not alone. I hope you are in therapy with a good T. That is the thing that has helped me/us most.
sending good thoughts
SG

This is a good start coming to this site and discussing your thoughts and feelings. You must have some control at times because someone wants help and is willing to ask for it. You will need a good therapist, someone who specialized in trauma work. Something that has helped me with the angry ones is to ask them what they want or what they are trying to tell me. Most times I will get some response. Sometimes just by asking my anger will diminish. But definitely talk to someone. It does help.