Bad day lost the long post I was going to amke. Over tired - not sleeping. crying at work. Then burst two tyres by running into the kerb ont he way home. Waiting for the repair services now - good thing we were within walking distance of home.

Stupid and useless - but T says I shouldn't think like that.

bad, useless, hopeless me. Inadequate, can't cope. Not sleeping, waking early. Don't know what to do.

[January]

((((((((( Caroline ))))))))))))))

Accidents happen and they are awful but tires can be replaced. You are much more important than tires. Please, email your t. Call him if you can. You need better sleep. Emotions are always fragile when we don't sleep enough. Maybe the t can work with the pdoc to increase your sleeping tablets.

Many, many hugs,

Jan

Thanks Jan

T is away till Monday (I see him Tuesday) but he doesn't do meds anyway. GP (who does do meds) is away now and all next week - I would contact him but I can't. Mental health support workers (not that helpful but another tool) are also now closed until Monday. Psychiatrist I see in a fortnight I think. I think I might need to change meds but don't know what to do. Shoudl I try to raise anti-depressants (prescription allows this but I get heartburn) or return to anti-psychotics at night (which i have just cut out a fortnight ago, with GP's support)? Should I hang on and hope the weekend will enable me to recover? I have SO much work to doa nd I think this is playing amajor part but I just can't see where to start or how I am ever going to get it all done.

Thank you for caring. I don't feel worth caring aobut right now but thank you for caring.

[January]

((((((((( Caroline ))))))))))))))

You are most worth caring about! All of you are.

I think I would call the Dr who is on call for the GP and ask what to do. Surely someone is taking his emergency calls?

I think the weekend will probably be good for you if, and only if you take some time to be good for yourself. I know you're swamped, but if you can just carve out one half and hour or a whole hour it will help.

Please do phone the Dr on call. Ok?

Lots of hugs,

Jan

The Dr on call? I don't know. I think the thing is I know what to do as much as any dr who doesn't know me would be able to advise. I think I'm going to take a full dose of the antidepressants (rather than the reduced dose I have just reverted to) and see how things are tomorrow. And i will take some sleeping tablets as well. If things are still bad I will take the anti-psychotics tomorrow night too. I really don't feel comfortable phoning the duty dr.

As far as time for me goes, I will try to do that this weekend. I have a session booked at the gym and then am having my hair done tomorrow and that is me time. Unfortunately I have booked them for the same time so I have to make a swift call tomorrow morning.

I just feel so useless again. But I'm trying to remind myself that two people at work really went out of their way to help me and that helps a lot. And you and KD have been really helpful today too.