[LouR]

Hi I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy using my boundaries and assertion and all the other stuff that goes with cbt which is working with my work, family and some of my friends especially new friendships
However I'm trying to re establish a friendship lost through me being depressed and really hostile and I feel lost
I feel a deep sense of regret for carrying on the way I did and I feel that I let her down. She was so integral to my sense of fun and feeling female and sensual and now she may be depressed and her life has crashed down around her and I'm just so sorry for her and it's effecting my balance
I love her dearly and want the best for her. I've told her about this site and I've even sent her some articles on depression but I haven't heard back from her and I feel like poop.
I guess I feel responsible for her slide because she said our arguement affected her badly which led to other things going wrong.
Aaargh. I know she needs to find her own path and she needs to work through her denial to bypass her anger but it is dang frustrating to see such a positive person in a mess and feeling responsible even though I know it's illogical
I can't even replicate the time or the reasons why I did what I did and I'm not telling her I have DID either because a part of me feels that she needs to earn my trust again but how can she? When she's so scattered and low?
My logical brain believes it's best to stop trying and let this friendship go because it might put everything into jeopardy that I've been working so hard to fix
But the compassionate side believes that we must assist in bringing her back and if I do decide to be logical could it contribute to her feeling worse.
The ***** in me thinks that she deserves it and what goes around comes around and sniffing at my door for compassion when none was shown to me is a load of horse manure. Why should I even care?
The fun side just wants her back so we can dance and do girly stuff again.
WTF am I going to do?