[OneAndMany]

Had t yesterday and a sad little came out while I was still aware. I was able to experience her feelings of sadness and being scared to tell anything and was able to feel my mouth pull down into a frown and was able to hear her whisper to the T. Such a very strange feeling--still can't describe it to my husband. Afterwards, I was somewhat weirded out by this and was wishing that I didn't have all these parts or that I could just go back to not knowing about it all.

Today I realized that if I didn't have all my parts, I would be so much less than who I am right now. I may not like all of the memories that I have, but I do not want to lose all the good memories from after life got better or all the information I have stored that adds up to make me who I am today. I would be such a shell of a person without it. Like someone with long-term amnesia I suppose.

I know that there will be times in the future when I am not coping too well--hopefully I'll remember to come back here and look back at this message and see that I do need and want all my parts.

I'm thankful that I've found this forum with all of you here to share this journey. Safe hugs to everyone who wants one--I'm in a good space and have love to share right now.



Elizabeth

((((Elizabeth))))
I know the feeling...
w_i

Yea being and doing the co conscious integration process does feel strange the first time around. You can find my experience with this in my blog here.

It is a weird feeling But it sure makes the funtioning level ALOT better because now that you have experienced that memory piece (otherwise known as parts, alter, and so on) you have full access to those memories that you experienced and there won't be any more acting out that memory piece. It is now concidered a normal memory not an alter. You will now find there are things you can do without those memories being triggered.

So happy for you.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Elizabeth ))))))))))))))))

[wanttoheal]

Sounds like you are doing so well. Congratulations on that. It's hard for me to be thankful for DID right now even though T has said if my brain had not done what it had, I would have been dead or at the very least, very crazy.

I don't have enough memory to see the big picture of who I am yet, but there are pros and cons to it that I see now. There is a part of my brain that organizes and cleans and while it doesn't happen unless I am too overwhelmed to do it (which makes sense I guess), coming back and finding things done is a relief. But, at the same time, it's hard to miss events in the lives of my children.

Good luck on your journey.

[January]

(((((((((( Elizabeth ))))))))))))

What a wonderful way to think of things!

Hugs,

Jan

[mlyn]

((((elizabeth))))

[Evangelista]

(((Elizabeth)))

The mind is an amazing thing..although living with DID is terribly hard..the "parts" were created to help us survive..it may be hard to feel thankful for something so dysfunctional..but thank you for this thread..communication with your system is a big step to healing and understanding..so I am very happy for you..way to go!!!

EV

[OneAndMany]

Thank you to w_i, myself, fuzzybear, wanttoheal, Jan, mlyn, and EV for the hugs and congrats. It really makes me feel good and I'm glad to be part of this group.

Elizabeth

[January]

(((((((( Elizabeth )))))))))

We're all glad you're here!

Hugs,

Jan

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((Elizabeth)))))))))))))))

How great that you can view what might cause difficult times as a treasure still.

DID began for me as a blessing. I might've felt it a curse for a while when I had this gift and power that I didn't understand and it became more noticable when it wasn't needed.

Now? It's definitely a blessing...

thank you for this post!

KD