only way to describe is through partial lyrics....

.....Oh, tell me those lies
Let me think they're true
I heard one or two
They weren't about me, they weren't about her
They were all about you

I may miss you
But missing me just isn't you
I'm so sick and tired hanging around with dogs like you

Tell me those lies
Let me think they're true
I heard one or two, and they weren't about me, they weren't about her
They're all about you......

artist---Rolling Stones
song---All About You
album--Emotional Rescue

...You’re fearing me, ‘cause you know I’m a beast
Watching you when you sleep, when you’re in bed
I’m underneath
You’re trapped in halls, and my face is the walls
I’m the floor when you fall, and when you scream it’s ‘cause of me
I’m the living dead, the dark thoughts in your head
I know just what you said
That’s why you’ve got to be threatened by me...

artist----Michael Jackson
album--Invincible
song--Threatened

bleh to the inner torments and thank goodness musicians and lyricists came up with words to capture some of what it can be like. left to our own the writings are bland, non sequiturs of little use...even to us!

the music listened to and lyrics printed out before leaving today were quite something. tonight's project is to burn cd for therapist as we gave copy of lyrics print outs today. tomorrow therapist wants to hear songs.

sharing has consequences. sometimes good. sometimes bad. feels bad even if good. that's how twisted up almost any abuse survivor may feel at times.

the fear of the office. the fear of that office. the fear of what can/does/might/will/won't/is/isn't/happening in that office. that fear is what brings out those songs which bring out those lyrics which describe one one hundredth of what is really going on inside. not that it makes sense. not that it ever made sense.

if only they could see what it takes, not gives, but takes to put forth the words and even moreso to make those words coherent. if only.

hafta attempt the ice cream cone tomorrow as today we managed all we could and considering the amount of social time necessary in errands accomplished we're not gonna beat down on what didn't happen.......tomorrow we'll go for ice cream and take dog to beach after therapy. already something to look forward to in this sea of bizarre pops of awareness and then heavily falling funks we currently call life.

Thanks for sharing these lyrics...... I wrote a couple of poems last night but funked posting them anywhere although by my standards they are "better" (and longer) than some I have posted

Good to read that you are taking pooch to the beach....... I am going to the beach for a holiday soon (Saturday)......a well earned break although I do not like the way sunscreen sticks to my fur.

Thank you for your sharing here of late, as I think bipolar_bear mentioned I also see glimpses of the person/selves behind the "hard, sharp shell"....... this is not a judgement with negative intentions, I have a "shell" too

I hope I have the right to post this here

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Thanks for sharing these lyrics...... I wrote a couple of poems last night but funked posting them anywhere although by my standards they are "better" (and longer) than some I have posted

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> meh bear. glad you're able to see change in your own words. as to posting? we all do what we can as we can. at least words express more (hopefully) than single punctuation or a single emoticon. we hope.....</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Good to read that you are taking pooch to the beach....... I am going to the beach for a holiday soon (Saturday)......a well earned break although I do not like the way sunscreen sticks to my fur.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> sunscreen comes in so many forms nowdays there must be some formulation that isn't as sticky or tacky to the delicate bear fur.....we have tubes of the stuff everywhere as we have more exposure with all the driving we are doing now. one day with shoulders and neck burnt from exposure through the sunroof we learned lesson..........have sunscreen in car, in purse, by key holder inside door at home, by power tools as using them requires outdoor time......etc. if sunscreen helps then by all means use the help available! scary to us to have peers and kids fifteen years younger having "growths" removed from their skin. how little we knew when we were younger! </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Thank you for your sharing here of late, as I think bipolar_bear mentioned I also see glimpses of the person/selves behind the "hard, sharp shell"....... this is not a judgement with negative intentions, I have a "shell" too

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> sure, sharing is a choice. and we have many reasons for why we've not shared more here for a long time. we made a choice now to expose more. it was a risk. still is.

thank you to you and bipolar_bear for taking notice. sadly this probably is more than will be shared for a long time to come. just the nature of this beast.</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hope I have the right to post this here

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> sure..why not? wasn't requesting input from ppl who live with extreme dissociation. wasn't requesting specifics. just pouring out some of the chaotic pain swiming around inside this head.

hope the beach treats you and mr. bear well. we know pooch will be thrilled today to be on her beach with her dog friends.

_zh,

Understand so much of what you are saying. I'm sorry for not replying earlier. I was not in a place to read, let alone respond on posts here.

I so understand the effects of change, good and bad. This body, this mind struggles with change of any kind, big or little, good or bad.

It sounds like where you live, although out in the boondocks, might be a peaceful place with the animals to bring you comfort. I'm so glad for that. It's so hard when Ts are gone and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on top of life's battles.

I wish you peace and safety _zh, as you continue on your journey to healing. Thank you for sharing with us. You are much appreciated.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
white_iris said:
i'm ready--i'm ready!!!! dog can come too-there's no walking involved (he has bone spurs on his spine and can't walk on hard surfaces and much walking around is difficult for him now.)
it has to be a tomorrow thing--i'm thinking 2PM EST--ice cream!!!!! chocolate. gotta be chocolate!!!
w_i

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> well of course it is two weeks later or some such passage of time that went by like a snap of the fingers! poof!

ended up going out to get ice cream on the second day of back to back sessions. went to local olde time parlour for a one scoop sundae....all the fixins--mint oreo ice cream with hot fudge, whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry.

took that in tall cup (how else can a manual car be driven with ice cream?? cones and stick shift are not compatible in our world ) down to the beach to run the dog around.

it is very relaxing to walk the beach at dusk w/o having to worry about one's dog. very happy pooch after swimming and stealing other dogs tennis balls. easy come easy go is the law of the tennis ball at the beach.

anyway....just wanted to see if you had managed to get out for some ice cream and how it was. details woman!! it is all in the details!!

tc w_i and hope you and dog were able to enjoy sitting, as he isn't able to walk far due to his health, and eating the world's perfect food--ice cream!

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wanttoheal said:Understand so much of what you are saying. I'm sorry for not replying earlier. I was not in a place to read, let alone respond on posts here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> oh sweetie you only need to keep taking care of you and yours......fully understand the inability to read and respond here. that is the case most of the time now for us. due to our therapeutic work and other factors this forum isn't necessarily the best place for our work. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I so understand the effects of change, good and bad. This body, this mind struggles with change of any kind, big or little, good or bad.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> change is life, life is change. the only constant in life is change? yeah yeah trite but true. so hard to accept that the river keeps moving and changing all the time and instead of wistfully wishing the river were as it used to be. somehow we need to accept the ever changing river as it is now.......in this moment.</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It sounds like where you live, although out in the boondocks, might be a peaceful place with the animals to bring you comfort. I'm so glad for that. It's so hard when Ts are gone and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on top of life's battles.

I wish you peace and safety _zh, as you continue on your journey to healing. Thank you for sharing with us. You are much appreciated.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> it is peaceful out here. if chosen it would be dreamy. as necessity it is very managable but difficult. the horses are amazing creatures. the more time spent with them the calmer some inside seem to be. growing up riding might have something to do with that.

so much attached to what is going on with therapy now. the costs, both financially and emotionally, are becoming too much. the need to back off for many reasons keeps coming up. have taken breaks, not by choice, but by life circumstances, so time away has happened this year........moreso than wished but such is life.

however we're not so brazen as to think this path possible at this time w/o therapeutic assistance. we'll have to figure out what will work for the finances and for the well-being of this system.

at least when we are able to read here we can see the positive changes in those actively engaged in their work with professionals. it can be encouraging to read of others able to recognize that they cannot fix themselves or think their way out of it. it helps to know others take their lives seriously enough to get the help they need, deserve and want.

wishing that help was available now but we'll get back to a point where it will be available. before the year is out. sigh.

thank you for the kind words wantto. may your journeys continue to unveil more of you to you and may you all revel in the splendor and beauty that you all are.