[Time traveler]

Greetings. I am just beginning to digest my diagnosis. Since I was a little girl, I just thought I was spacey, forgetful, depressed & anxious.

It's a relief to have a name for the process that has left me with extensive memory gaps and assorted anxieties.

It's still a lot to digest, especially as I begin to grapple with assorted childhood traumas that prompted me to go numb.

I have a therapist and meds. Please share your strategies for coping during those early days when you first understood about dissociating, DID, etc.

Thank you!! It would mean so much to me!

[UnhingedHick]

Originally Posted by Time traveler

Greetings. I am just beginning to digest my diagnosis. Since I was a little girl, I just thought I was spacey, forgetful, depressed & anxious.

It's a relief to have a name for the process that has left me with extensive memory gaps and assorted anxieties.

It's still a lot to digest, especially as I begin to grapple with assorted childhood traumas that prompted me to go numb.

I have a therapist and meds. Please share your strategies for coping during those early days when you first understood about dissociating, DID, etc.

Thank you!! It would mean so much to me!

Hey it's okay theres lots of people on here to help support you, im 38 and im still coming to terms with it. And i don't really remember much about 'back then'..... Hope you're okay!

-Misha

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Time traveler

Greetings. I am just beginning to digest my diagnosis. Since I was a little girl, I just thought I was spacey, forgetful, depressed & anxious.

It's a relief to have a name for the process that has left me with extensive memory gaps and assorted anxieties.

It's still a lot to digest, especially as I begin to grapple with assorted childhood traumas that prompted me to go numb.

I have a therapist and meds. Please share your strategies for coping during those early days when you first understood about dissociating, DID, etc.

Thank you!! It would mean so much to me!

When I was diagnosed I was at first relieved. For me it meant that I wasn't crazy. I had started to think that I was loosening my mind. Having this diagnosis enabled me to understand that I wasn't losing my mind I was just becoming aware of my system. After the diagnosis I went back and forth from acceptance to denial. Even now four years later someone will say it's not true. But than we talk about it and realize it is. Knowing and accepting my diagnosis, was and is like beginning a new life. I marvel at how strong I was when I was young and how my mind created alters to protect me/us. I feel better about myself and know I am not losing my mind. Sense learning more about my system everyone has settled down. My mind and thoughts aren't racing. The cross talk is now talk and not just random thought. I can see the conversations between alters as though we were all sitting in a room. Where before I felt just battered by thought. Particularly when my alters were disagreeing. Taking my medication has also helped with some of the compulsive thinking that I was having. I still have the thought just not over and over and over again. Not having the compulsive thinking allowed my head to clear. That was when I started to be able to separate the myriad of thoughts in my head. So I would tell you be grateful for the diagnosis. Don't be hard on your self when you take one step forward and two steps back. Eventually you will just be taking steps forward. Take care.

[MomgaJupiter]

I recently was diagnosed with DDNOS - not full DID. In the first weeks after I was told, I just started observing myself in a different way, looking for clues like a detective. I noticed when I felt spacey and it was hard to concentrate. I started to notice how sometimes I speak in a child's voice, and I feel really little. I noticed that some things just pop out of my mouth without my thought or approval. I spent lots of time reading posts on this website, which gave me the terminology and ideas about how this stuff works for some people. I did NOT talk to people about it, because misunderstandings about the diagnosis could bite me in the butt and cause more drama than I really want to deal with. So far I have clues about 5 alters, and have communicated with three of them. I'm willing to take it slowly so I don't freak myself out with too much at one time. It is great that you have a therapist you like and trust. That will help. I wish you the best on this new road of discovery!

[possum220]

Yep... take things slowly. Find something that relaxes you and do it when you need to. Don't try to rush things. Healing takes time.

[Gr3tta]

*gives encouragement*

it can be a challenge to unearth, for certain. however, know that you have undergone an extensive, creative, and amazing way to preserve yourself. some part of you has always know that you are worth it!!!

[jax01]

My therapist didn't come out and announce "You have DID." I had/have been in therapy with her for quite a few years. My reasons for beginning therapy were beyond belief depression, anxiety, and being actively suicidal.
Even though I wanted to end my life and my suffering, I have people who need me. I have been living with a chronic pain condition since '99. which has cost me so much I don't even like to think about it.
but anyway, my T was well acquainted with me by the time we started talking about dissociation. so she knew I'd deny it. like I did with PTSD. which she finally got up and held out a list of symptoms of PTSD and asked "which of these symptoms do you NOT have?" which is funny to me now. I knew I had PTSD. I don't know why I denied it.
What my T did was started using new terms, and turned therapy in a new direction.
so I web-searched the terms she was using.
and I felt like the word disintegrated. for the first time.
I read everything I could find on the web. I told my T I was reading up on it. which she wasn't happy with. but she didn't know if I was going to start second guessing her with stuff from the web, or what. but she suggested some books to check out.
I read "stranger in the mirror" and the word disintegrated again, as I could have written a great deal of what I read in that book.
I couldn't fit my head around my actually having DID/MPD. it was impossible. just no way it could be real. so I asked my T if she could recommend a Dr. who could diagnose DID.
She knew a Dr with experience with DID and Trauma, so I made an appointment. I met with her three times, long appointments too. and she said that If I wanted she could write it up as DDNOS, but it was a pretty text book case of DID.
this was a hard thing to deal with as I was the one who wanted a diagnosis to have proof one way or another as to whether I had DID or not. and it wasn't the answer I wanted.
I don't want to make this unreadably long. which I may have done already.
I was running into things I didn't expect from myself. why was I resisting so hard? didn't I have proof enough?

I will stop here. if you want to hear more I will post it. but I don't want to bore you, or write it all out for no reason.

I will say there is a kind of "post diagnosis crash" that seems pretty common. it may feel like the whole world is coming apart. inside it may get very busy. but it will settle down after a while.
it kind of a heavy processing time. and there's lots of new things to accept, and new feelings to deal with.
but it gets better.

jax01

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by jax01

My therapist didn't come out and announce "You have DID." I had/have been in therapy with her for quite a few years. My reasons for beginning therapy were beyond belief depression, anxiety, and being actively suicidal.
Even though I wanted to end my life and my suffering, I have people who need me. I have been living with a chronic pain condition since '99. which has cost me so much I don't even like to think about it.
but anyway, my T was well acquainted with me by the time we started talking about dissociation. so she knew I'd deny it. like I did with PTSD. which she finally got up and held out a list of symptoms of PTSD and asked "which of these symptoms do you NOT have?" which is funny to me now. I knew I had PTSD. I don't know why I denied it.
What my T did was started using new terms, and turned therapy in a new direction.
so I web-searched the terms she was using.
and I felt like the word disintegrated. for the first time.
I read everything I could find on the web. I told my T I was reading up on it. which she wasn't happy with. but she didn't know if I was going to start second guessing her with stuff from the web, or what. but she suggested some books to check out.
I read "stranger in the mirror" and the word disintegrated again, as I could have written a great deal of what I read in that book.
I couldn't fit my head around my actually having DID/MPD. it was impossible. just no way it could be real. so I asked my T if she could recommend a Dr. who could diagnose DID.
She knew a Dr with experience with DID and Trauma, so I made an appointment. I met with her three times, long appointments too. and she said that If I wanted she could write it up as DDNOS, but it was a pretty text book case of DID.
this was a hard thing to deal with as I was the one who wanted a diagnosis to have proof one way or another as to whether I had DID or not. and it wasn't the answer I wanted.
I don't want to make this unreadably long. which I may have done already.
I was running into things I didn't expect from myself. why was I resisting so hard? didn't I have proof enough?

I will stop here. if you want to hear more I will post it. but I don't want to bore you, or write it all out for no reason.

I will say there is a kind of "post diagnosis crash" that seems pretty common. it may feel like the whole world is coming apart. inside it may get very busy. but it will settle down after a while.
it kind of a heavy processing time. and there's lots of new things to accept, and new feelings to deal with.
but it gets better.

jax01

Wow Jax, you worded that so well, I can really relate to the post diasnosis crash. I am dealing with that right now, but couldn't put words or feeling to it.

[jax01]

Originally Posted by pheonix

Wow Jax, you worded that so well, I can really relate to the post diasnosis crash. I am dealing with that right now, but couldn't put words or feeling to it.

Thanks
I have had about two years of heavy processing time to come up with it. I've seen it come up every couple of months since I had my own 'crash, on this and another DID forum I haunt
The best thing for it is seeing that you're not alone. I have never been a joiner, or comfy and happy in groups of any kind(yes, damage related behavior.), but I felt so much better when I could see it wasn't only me. Which had been something I had been feeling for as long as I could remember.
Just seeing the unbelievable similarities between myself and my life and the others on the forums was scary. All those people knew things I had never told anyone.
Advice? Read. Check out the web pages and forums out there. Lurk on them for a while. Get a feel for what kind of community is there. There are a ton of dead groups out there. So check when the last post dated.
Be sure to see how the people interact. I've come across some bad sites. Not all are moderated well. Or at all, apparently.
Look for an active forum, where the members are watching out for one another. A place where they are careful about traumatizing, or re traumatizing each other.
This is a decent forum. I'd name a couple but that may be against forum rules. I don't want to start problems.
But a little support can be a life saver. And it really feels good to be able to speak freely about things you've had to keep hides, and in a place where everyone knows where you're coming from because they've been living with it just like you.
Okay, really tired now. Apologies for babble. If there be babble.
Take care.

Jax

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by jax01

Thanks
I have had about two years of heavy processing time to come up with it. I've seen it come up every couple of months since I had my own 'crash, on this and another DID forum I haunt
The best thing for it is seeing that you're not alone. I have never been a joiner, or comfy and happy in groups of any kind(yes, damage related behavior.), but I felt so much better when I could see it wasn't only me. Which had been something I had been feeling for as long as I could remember.
Just seeing the unbelievable similarities between myself and my life and the others on the forums was scary. All those people knew things I had never told anyone.
Advice? Read. Check out the web pages and forums out there. Lurk on them for a while. Get a feel for what kind of community is there. There are a ton of dead groups out there. So check when the last post dated.
Be sure to see how the people interact. I've come across some bad sites. Not all are moderated well. Or at all, apparently.
Look for an active forum, where the members are watching out for one another. A place where they are careful about traumatizing, or re traumatizing each other.
This is a decent forum. I'd name a couple but that may be against forum rules. I don't want to start problems.
But a little support can be a life saver. And it really feels good to be able to speak freely about things you've had to keep hides, and in a place where everyone knows where you're coming from because they've been living with it just like you.
Okay, really tired now. Apologies for babble. If there be babble.
Take care.

Jax

Thank you for the great advice! It does feel good to know that I am not alone. Although the dx makes sense to me, I feel as though I have even more questions than answers now. I know it will get better with work and processing etc, but wow I feel as though there is absolutely no equilibrium whatsoever right now. It does feel fab to be able to speak freely though!!! A bit of liberation here.

Much appreciation for your reply!

[amandalouise]

Time traveler what helped me was my therapist explaining to me that nothing was going to happen to me now that I had been diagnosed that hasnt already been happening. getting a diagnosis wont change anything as in I wouldnt get worse ...unless I made myself worse by stressing, over thinking and worrying about the diagnosis and stuff. getting a diagnosis means I could now get better because we know what all my symptoms add up to being. we can now appropriately take care of the problems and finally clear those problems up for good.

another thing that has helped me was following my doctors/therapists/psychiatrists treatment plans.. its so tempting to hear about or read about what others are doing and then trying what they are doing but that only messed me and my treatment plans up. everyone has their own treatment plans that are set up specifically for their own group of problems, reactions, meds, diagnosis's and other accompanying symptoms so as tempting as it was to do what my friends wanted me to try or do what others in books and online were doing I had to continue to follow my own treatment providers plans.

thats why I like this website. we dont tell each other what to do. and our own treatment providers plans for us is first and this site says right on it that anything on her isnt meant to take the place of off line treatment providers.

just keep following your treatment providers plans that are set for you and your problems and things will get better for you.