[Millitoria]

Hi,

I am new here and feel a bit bad immediately jumping in and asking for advice, so if it's not OK to do that please just tell me. I won't be offended.

OK, so why I'm here.

I have thought for a long time that I might have some kind of dissociative disorder and it's been suggested a few times by other people, including a medical professional. So, after years of working up the courage I am going to finally bring up the possibility with my doctor when I go to see her this week.

I guess what I am looking for is some advice on how to go about doing that?

These are the things which make me think I might have a dissociative disorder:

I occasionally lose time. Never more than a couple of hours, and I usually haven't left the house as far as I know. I must have done sometimes though as I have found odd things like cigarettes when I haven't smoked in 3 years, or once I was half way through eating a chicken burger when I've not eaten meat for 7 years.

I have found many things I don't remember writing but which much have been written by me. This includes poetry, an entire note book full of diary style entries and once a written conversation in two different hand writings.

I often feel like I am actually more than one person. Sometimes I feel very very young and child like. My partner often picks up this. He refers to me as having times when I am small and seem to need extra care and attention. Then there are times where I feel sort of reckless, and like I can do anything if I want to. Then times when I feel entirely the opposite. In the past, this has lead to talk of possible bi-polar, but since then my doctor says she doesn't think it is that. I am fully away of these different personalities, and they don't really seem to have names except two of them. I've also been told in the past that I just have a vivid imagination, so who knows.

I already know and have previously mentioned to my doctor that I dissociate when faced with things which make me upset/anxious. I enter a state where I feel sort of blank or like I am watching a different version of myself do/day things but feel disconnected form what is happening. Also, that I often feel like my body is not mine though this may well be related to body dysmorphia and not directly connected to this. I often feel like I am not real, particularly when left on my own for a while.

So, it is really a matter of approach here. I am not sure if I should bring up previous mentions of dissociative behaviour and tell her I think that actually, it pays a bigger part in my life than we have previously discussed.

Or whether printing this out and taking it in is the best option. Or something else.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions that would be amazing.

Thanks for reading!

Milli
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[Gr3tta]

Its always okay to ask for advice!
It does sound to me that these experiences could be dissociation, but there might be many different possibilities. Talking some more to a medical professional is the best way to find out what's going on.
I think printing this and taking it with you is a great idea!
You're brave to be addressing this. I hope it goes well, and please feel free to share updates.

[jax01]

Argh. Postage failure! 3X! I can't re write the whole thing now.

I'll hit the major points quickly.

Everything you mention experiencing, I have experienced. And more. There are few symptoms I've seen listed that I haven't had. Including eye color changes, if every GF I have ever had can be believed.
I was also told the same things. Vivid imagination. Over active imagination. All in my head. Making it all up to get attention. (I actually avoid attention)
If you re going to talk to a psych, or a therapist, definitely bring up how far back your symptoms go. They should ask about that, because DID is formed fairly early in life, for the most part. Some say differently under some circumstances, others say early childhood, or not at all.
Printing out your post can make bringing up the subject and the symptoms easier. Or just to keep you from leaving anything out. It can be Hard to talk about.

From my own experience, I thought that a diagnosis would prove I actually really had DID, or prove I did not. And if I did, I would be finished with all the denial. It helped. Mostly with telling those I felt needed to know. But not as much as I wanted for myself. I'd still like to wiggle out of it.
What really matters is how you feel. What you believe.

I believe if you think you have DID, but worry that you might be wrong, you probably do have it. Because you'll be careful about matching your experiences up with the symptoms. And if you are fakeing it, or making it up, you aren't going to worry about if you are faking or not. Only if people believe you. But that's just my opinion

Jax

[Millitoria]

Thanks for the replies and sorry for the late response. It has been a tough week and I've not really been about.

Milli

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