depersonalised - decieving the self

Im usually "not here", ie Im trancey - very depersonalised and fearful and I had a glimpse of reality where I thought who on earth am I. Im so upset with myself, as Ive deceived myself, into staying at home thinking that I was shy and Im mentally ill which is true, but besides the mh, its really because Ive been fearful of living, of social situations, of so many things. Im educated so how on earth can the mind hide something from itself. I dissociate but nothing like alters or mpd, I guess its more like brain fog. I stay at home with my mom whom Ive hated since 1997, don't know why, but I guess Im afraid of living on my own. How could I lie to myself ????
Malah

Malah,

Our minds are really good at protecting us from stuff we aren't ready to deal with. I know it feels like you have lied to yourself right now, that must be really upsetting. It isn't your education letting you down or anything like that, it's just that our minds are really clever.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Milli

x

Malia people lie to their self all the time..

a co worker who at the moment has a summer cold keeps saying ...Im not sick I refuse to be sick, I refuse to give in to this blasted brewing of a cold..

someone who missed their monthly time....nope Im not preg, Im just late aunt martha will visit any day now.

someone on a diet...Ill just eat a couple it wont hurt, a couple wont add more calories because its healthy (when in fact even healthy foods are made up of calories)

a person who chooses diet soft drinks over regular because somewhere on the bottle it says zero calories...but in fine print that zero calories is meant for only a portion of the bottle of diet soda not the whole bottle...

human being lie to their self and others all the time. its part of being human.

as for how can you lie to yourself...only you know how and what you lie to yourself on.

the good part is that you posted this, that means you are facing the fact that you tried to deceive yourself but now you you are letting yourself feel and know that you are afraid of living on your own.

I agree it is scary to live on your own..but as you make more friends and get settled in your now home you will feel much better, less triggered and as a result less depersonalized.