[Pickenmix]

I'm not aiming to say anything I 'shouldn't' say with this post, so apologies in advance if I inadvertently do so.

At the age of twenty-five I spent a year as an outpatient in a psychiatric hospital, after being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorder. At the time the DD diagnosis was just that; nothing specific about it was ever mentioned to me. I saw a psychotherapist every week for about 12-15 months, did the therapy thing and then went back to a 'normal' life. I've had a couple of minor 'relapses' since then, but nothing serious enough to put me back in therapy or psychiatric care, and I've now just hit my forties. However...

Ever since the birth of my son seven years ago I've felt myself going 'down' again. Out of curiosity I did some research on Dissociative Disorder, and while I found correlations for the symptoms I experienced within more than one of the different types of Dissociative Disorders, I was a bit thrown to find some of them fitted for Dissociative IDENTITY Disorder. It explained things that had puzzled me for years - things about me and my life that didn't quite make sense and still don't... unless I also had (still have?) DID. for example:

1 - When I was growing up in Devon, I often had people coming up to me - complete strangers as far as I was concerned - who would chat to me as if they knew me very well. They would talk about places they'd seen me that I had no recollection of, and quite a few of them called me 'Sarah' (not my name.) For a long time I put it down to them just mistaking me for some other girl who looked extremely like me - until I moved to Kent, some 300 miles away, and it started happening there too.

2 - People have told me of things I've done that I not only have no recollection of doing, but would NEVER DO IN A MILLION YEARS (dancing on a table in a pub? NO WAY!) I'd dismiss them as lying to me just to wind me up - except that one or two of these incidents (the dancing on the table one included) was verified by my own husband. He is not the kind of man to do wind-ups like that - it's just not in his character, so the only conclusion is that he's telling the truth.

3 - I have SO many items of clothing in my wardrobe that I either - 1) don't remember buying, 2) have a vague memory of buying but are in a colour and style that I hate SO much I would NEVER wear them (usually either bold, garish prints suited for a much older woman, or something day-glo and quite obviously more suited to a very body-confident teenager!) or 3) have a vague memory of buying, but they're in a size that's either MASSIVELY too big or OBVIOUSLY too small for me.

4 - I remember on a few occasions during therapy sessions back when I was twenty-five, my therapist would suddenly say to me "Who's talking now?" I never quite knew what she meant by that, didn't think to ever ask her and she never elaborated on it herself. And to be honest, I can't even remember what I said in reply.

I don't remember anyone at any point specifically saying 'Dissociative IDENTITY Disorder' to me - or even telling me much about the things they HAD diagnosed me with... but my whole life is like Swiss cheese as far as how much of it I actually remember anyway, so who knows? Admittedly I didn't tell my therapist/hospital care workers any of the above things when I was twenty-five - mainly because they didn't ask - but if I really did (and do) fit the DID category they surely would have noticed without that information... wouldn't they?

Anyway, my main questions (yaay, knew I'd get there in the end!) are: if I wanted to clarify this for myself, how do I go about it? Should I even be wasting professional people's time with this; after all, I was supposed to have been 'cured' back when I was twenty-five. All I know is, since my son was born Something's Not Right with me again... and I can't afford to crash and burn again because I have him to consider now.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

[kaliope]

Hi Pickenmix
Welcome to Psych Central. DID is difficult to identify so without knowing your history, it would be easy for professionals to miss. Having this whole story would give them a complete picture and make diagnosing easier. Although you were successfully treated in the past, life events, such as the birth of your son, can trigger relapse. If these events are taking place for you again, or you notice you are missing time, that would be your cue that your alters are taking over and treatment is once again required. Try to pick a treatment provider with experience in DID and make sure to give all the history you gave here. In the meantime, keep posting to the forums here. We have many people with DID to support you. Again, welcome.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Pickenmix

I'm not aiming to say anything I 'shouldn't' say with this post, so apologies in advance if I inadvertently do so.

At the age of twenty-five I spent a year as an outpatient in a psychiatric hospital, after being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorder. At the time the DD diagnosis was just that; nothing specific about it was ever mentioned to me. I saw a psychotherapist every week for about 12-15 months, did the therapy thing and then went back to a 'normal' life. I've had a couple of minor 'relapses' since then, but nothing serious enough to put me back in therapy or psychiatric care, and I've now just hit my forties. However...

Ever since the birth of my son seven years ago I've felt myself going 'down' again. Out of curiosity I did some research on Dissociative Disorder, and while I found correlations for the symptoms I experienced within more than one of the different types of Dissociative Disorders, I was a bit thrown to find some of them fitted for Dissociative IDENTITY Disorder. It explained things that had puzzled me for years - things about me and my life that didn't quite make sense and still don't... unless I also had (still have?) DID. for example:

1 - When I was growing up in Devon, I often had people coming up to me - complete strangers as far as I was concerned - who would chat to me as if they knew me very well. They would talk about places they'd seen me that I had no recollection of, and quite a few of them called me 'Sarah' (not my name.) For a long time I put it down to them just mistaking me for some other girl who looked extremely like me - until I moved to Kent, some 300 miles away, and it started happening there too.

2 - People have told me of things I've done that I not only have no recollection of doing, but would NEVER DO IN A MILLION YEARS (dancing on a table in a pub? NO WAY!) I'd dismiss them as lying to me just to wind me up - except that one or two of these incidents (the dancing on the table one included) was verified by my own husband. He is not the kind of man to do wind-ups like that - it's just not in his character, so the only conclusion is that he's telling the truth.

3 - I have SO many items of clothing in my wardrobe that I either - 1) don't remember buying, 2) have a vague memory of buying but are in a colour and style that I hate SO much I would NEVER wear them (usually either bold, garish prints suited for a much older woman, or something day-glo and quite obviously more suited to a very body-confident teenager!) or 3) have a vague memory of buying, but they're in a size that's either MASSIVELY too big or OBVIOUSLY too small for me.

4 - I remember on a few occasions during therapy sessions back when I was twenty-five, my therapist would suddenly say to me "Who's talking now?" I never quite knew what she meant by that, didn't think to ever ask her and she never elaborated on it herself. And to be honest, I can't even remember what I said in reply.

I don't remember anyone at any point specifically saying 'Dissociative IDENTITY Disorder' to me - or even telling me much about the things they HAD diagnosed me with... but my whole life is like Swiss cheese as far as how much of it I actually remember anyway, so who knows? Admittedly I didn't tell my therapist/hospital care workers any of the above things when I was twenty-five - mainly because they didn't ask - but if I really did (and do) fit the DID category they surely would have noticed without that information... wouldn't they?

Anyway, my main questions (yaay, knew I'd get there in the end!) are: if I wanted to clarify this for myself, how do I go about it? Should I even be wasting professional people's time with this; after all, I was supposed to have been 'cured' back when I was twenty-five. All I know is, since my son was born Something's Not Right with me again... and I can't afford to crash and burn again because I have him to consider now.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

how would you clarify this...I see by your profile you are in the UK. you will first need to contact your areas NHS (the mental health system in the UK) they will tell you what the process is in the UK for diagnosing and getting treatment for mental disorders. if you already have a mental health treatment provider they can tell you how to go about clarifying what your mental disorders are and what treatment programs you are on and why.

one thing I can tell you is that for some people its completely normal to have people you dont know coming up talking to you, forgetting things and other things you posted.. for others its not normal and can be part of many different mental disorders and DID is not the only mental disorder in which the person seems to change, appear to have alters..

going down after your son was born well I have that problem too and my treatment providers have called it Postpartum depression which is being depressed, having memory problems, mood switching sometimes to the point where it resembles DID and other symptoms too after having a child.

my suggestion please dont try to self diagnose you could end up causing your self more harm then good.. its better to contact the mental health treatment providers in your location and follow the steps they give you to get an accurate diagnosis and treatment for your problems.

[montanan4ever]

Hi and welcome.

It's rather common for people with trauma and/or dissociation issues to have things "flare up" during/after major life changes, and becoming a parent is a particularly huge trigger for some people's issues. So I am not at all surprised to read what you have written here.

My suggestion to you is this: Think about what kind of help and support you need at this stage in your life to be safe and "okay" and functional, not so much about going digging to "fix" what might be "wrong" with you. The present matters more than the past so long as the past is not unduly intruding upon the present.

If you find that you are not able to function well in the present, then it might be necessary to deal with some past issues. Once upon a time, the emphasis in the treatment of dissociative disorders was to "find and heal the trauma." More current thinking is that this is NOT a good idea unless the past impedes good functioning today. Going hunting in one's psyche and memory can be quite crippling.