[Swaith]

Hi all, My name is swaith.

The reason i took the Sanity score revolves around my constant lack of feelings towards pretty much anything.

I am concerned because the rate at which I am loosing the ability to care is increasing and while my memory black spots and forgetfulness seem to be gradually lessening I am noticing that replacing it are events that leave me worried about my state of mind.

I constantly have hallucinations of graphic or terrifying acts either movie like dis-figuration or "demons" being the best way to describe them watching me or trying to reach out and touch me. To put it bluntly despite being consciously aware these things are impossible my heart races and I can only think of escape.

I now find myself aware of more and more episodes like the above, to the point where I cannot listen to music or look away from my bedroom door during the night incase I miss one of them coming into my room while I am awake and touching me, which results in me passing out from fear and waking up many hours later.

as I type this I can hear "something" which i know cannot be real moving around outside my door. I sit here with one headphone on as to have both on lets me hear static noise that I now hear voices in screaming really quietly.

My fear increases.

I need to know if this is normal and simply me being paranoid that it is something amiss. Mainly I find myself so scared I have stopped being frightened of more mundane things like traffic or sharp objects, I am more aggressive towards difficult people because frankly I don't care much for what a human can do to me. This is one facet of a multitude of issues.

I now expose my mind to as much depravity and gore sites as I can find with new and more explicit video footage in order to de-sensatise myself to the fear I feel from these Greys as I have named them and what It is i know they want me to experience.

Every night I dream of dying over and over again never waking as I once did when I struck the floor or felt my heart give way. Every day I hear screaming until my headaches go beyond pain and make me sleepy with the constant agony.

I dont want help. I merely want to understand what It is that I am dealing with. I cannot help but feel detached from reality. Nothing we can do In this world can affect these creatures I see but know cannot be real. Nothing I think of can stop this crushing weight on my chest as I write this listening to them scratching at my door.

I cant help but feel that either they will finally reach me and I will simply cease to be or that I driven by their bizarre nature will force society to imprison me to protect me from this nightmare.

this is one of many many issues I face tonight. I'm seeking information If any can be had. why am I feeling less every passing day. why do I no longer care?

and most importantly why am I feeling more fear at admitting this to you all then at being caught by my ever attending Greys?

[Claritytoo]

What does your therapist say? And if you don't have a therapist maybe you should consider talking to someone. You have a lot going on. I think it is good that you shared your thoughts with psych central but you may need someone you can talk to on a regular basis. There are many reasons for changes in thinking.

[volatile]

are you trying to write a Lovecraft-ian story?

none of that is normal.

[montanan4ever]

There's really no way we can help you understand what you're dealing with. That's beyond the scope of any internet forum. It would be far better if you saw one or more mental health professionals, sooner rather than later.