[NextToNormal]

I definitely do not have DID. However I do have huge lapses in memory, but they also don't really affect everyday functioning unless someone wants me to remember something.

So let me ask the community, how much of your childhood/past can you remember?

Over the past few days I've been trying to dig for my earliest memory. I could never place how old I was at the time, probably between 3-6, but I have a still-frame in my mind of reaching for the flour in the refrigerator (which according to mom, I promptly coated the house in before she woke up to the powdery mess). I can picture my bedroom from when I was maybe 6-8? I remember what my favorite hot wheels car looked like... I remember the bucket-swing at my elementary school in Illinois, that's all I remember about that school. My next memories are of being 11-12 and they're only about a.. a bad event. So it's not like I have amnesia forgetting trauma unless there was something earlier that I did forget. Next I kind of remember my 13th birthday, and a little bit about my middle school friends, I have a blurry idea of what they looked like and I think I know a few of their names but that about covers middle school. High school I do remember quite a few more things, but it's still just things like what the building looked like, I remember the food, I don't remember ANY of the teachers, I couldn't pick them out of a crowd. There's only one classmate that I'd recognize from high school but he's the friend that sent me the texts in my other post. I dated a guy in high school for like two weeks, I don't remember his name and I can't picture him at all. I don't remember walking across the stage at my graduation, I remember the "prep" room and I remember leaving the building.

But all of my memories seem to work like that, they are still-frames of places. Not necessarily movies of events. I have a harder time remembering people than I do for events though. I could meet the same person for a week and still not build up that recognition. If I talk to more than one new person in a small amount of time (a couple days) I will confuse one person for another or just continue to forget all of them. Customers at work constantly recognize me, but I don't remember them at all. When I do try to recall a person, and then later see them, the details are almost always completely off too. Like if I'm telling my boss about something that happened with a customer, she likes to ask what they looked like for some reason. I might describe them as being short, fat, with darkish hair and highlights or something then have it turn out that they were medium-height, only slightly chubby, and blonde.

I also have a problem with over-thinking events. I'll space off and think about something happening to such precise detail that sometimes I'll recall it as having actually happened. Usually I can catch myself though, I think.. thinking wait.. no... that's not right... I just end up confusing myself a lot. Most of the trouble I have with this is that I'll talk to someone in my head a lot before actually confronting them. I won't say everything I mean to say because I feel like I've already said it. Then later when I bring it up in a conversation they say "You never said that" and I'm sure that I did... I don't know.

Does all of this sound normal? Am I just a really forgetful person?

[IndieVisible]

You don't have to have DID to have Dissociation which can also be found in a number of disorders. The more common slang for Dissociation is simply zoning out, and everyone does it occasionally. A common example would be your driving to work and it usually takes 30 minutes and quite a drag usually, but one day you get to work amazingly quick and think wow, I made great time, look at your watch and it is the same you always arrive at. So what happened? You zoned out, which is a form of Dissociation. Generally it is not a problem until it begins to interfere with your life. You may have a totally different recall of a conversation or series of events then your spouse, friend or boss. You will of course thenk they are wrong and are purposely trying to make you look bad, Dissociation. This is another very common form of Dissociation that can be found in a number of disorders. There are also other forms going all the way up to DID. But basically dissociation is not forgetfulness, it's zoning out for a period of time. You can tell when some is doing it by their eyes which seem to look through you.

[NextToNormal]

I do zone out a lot, but not to where I'm thinking of nothing. Usually I'm imagining things happening. Then promptly confusing myself as to what happened. Another problem I have frequently is I hear things wrong. I can't understand what people are saying to me sometimes, like the words are foreign. I hear what they say but my brain isn't translating it. So I try to concentrate and get them to repeat it in a way that the words they said are completely separated on their own. By this point though, they think I'm retarded.

[IndieVisible]

hmm, that doesn't sound like dissociation, it sounds like ADHD/ADD. I have difficulties listening to instructors in a class, I'm easily distracted and zone away. Of if some one is talking directly to me I often have to ask them to repeat parts of what they said. I also interrupt people before they are done talking. I suspect I have ADHD and have psych exam scheduled for it. My primary doc did not want to be the one to make that call.

[NextToNormal]

Wow, turns out what I thought ADHD/ADD was well.. was completely wrong. I'm an ignorant idiot. So thanks Indie, that sounds about right actually. Still doesn't really explain why I can't really remember my past much at all. I don't know...

[-jimi-]

How is your memory now? Can you freely move around know your way know where you are going? Remember new people you meet?

Do you remember stuff you did last week, last month?

[NextToNormal]

My memory is just as bad, if not worse now, than it was before... I've also introduced alcohol into the equation the last 6 months to a year or so... can't be for certain. I have to go someplace several times to remember how to get there. I can't hardly remember people either hence the bit about work. Heck, even on this website I've met a few friendly people in chat, but I keep confusing one person for another and lose track of entire conversations, which are continued later but basically they have had to tell me what happened because I literally can't remember...

The only things I can remember vividly are times in my life that I think sucked, a lot. There have been so many occasions where mom gets annoyed with me because I can't remember something when she's going through old photographs. A lot of the time even looking at the pictures doesn't spark my memory. That's why I was researching into dissociation. I don't know... I guess I'll see what my new therapist has to say about it in two weeks.

[-jimi-]

It could be a purely physical thing too. Some people are born with a bad memory.

[amandalouise]

noemotion...the type of forgetting that comes with dissociative problems is the kind that goes ....beyond normal forms of forgetting. only your treatment providers will be able to tell you whether your forgetting is part of a dissociation problem, your other mental/physical problems or is normal...we are not allowed to diagnose/tell a person what forms of forgetting they have..

that said we can give you an idea of what your types of forgetting is with in ourselves...

I have had the same kinds of forgetting you have. In ....me....my treatment providers called it by many different kinds of forgetting.....normal, dissociative, psychotic, manic, stress, anxiety, sleep deprived...and many more.

my suggestion if you really want to know what this is and it continues to bother you contact your treatment providers, they can tell you which type of forgetting you have and if it is normal or part of a mental /physical problem in you.

[yellowted]

Memory is something that differs from person to person, I have had carers who can not remember the straight line they have to travel from my house to the shop and I live in a one ended street! others needed reminding every time that I needed to brush my teeth after breakfast. not everyone is good at remembering things, that is why there are so many tricks people can teach themselves to aide memory.
I have dissociation but not did, I can remember my past over vividly, but for as long as I can remember I had difficulty staying focused at school or in meetings...day dreaming is what it was called at school, but often I am not actually having any thoughts at all. I can easily recall in detail things that happened two weeks ago, but for the life of me can't remember what I did two days ago. I have now sussed this out and tell everyone who needs to know that I have a two week turn around for things I have to remember, most people understand this and if I know I need to remember things less than two weeks away I 'write' it on my wrist under a wrist band and transfer it to a diary when I get home!