[canuck1971]

hello, so I have a teenage part that refuses to trust T and seems to be blocking anyone else from speaking to her

how do i deal with trust issues

i am trying hard to "listen inside" , but it is so hard

[innocentjoy]

I am dealing with something similar, a 'tween' who is hard to trust. I have told her that she doesn't need to trust anyone until she is ready and that I won't tell 'her' issues/stories to my t unless she approves it. I think it is a lot up to my t to work on trust issues, as most of the issues are her own. I act as a go-between and explain to my providers that she is having a hard time dealing with her own stuff, and that she doesn't want to share or talk, but that she needs to the most. I think she also knows that I am looking out for her best interest and will not force her before she is ready. Luckily she does trust me.

I would talk to your t about this issue and see what she has to say. I explain it that I am the only one who decided to go to therapy, and so some of the others are not as free-flowing as others.
Some random ideas to toss out (you obviously will choose what works/doesn't work for yourself)

1. telling t and trying to get the teen to tell your t why s/he doesn't trust, etc
2. writing to the teen or talking, and getting input on what is okay/not okay to talk about, and (hopefully) why
3. coming up with some sort of contract with the teen on ways to make it so that the rest of you can talk
4. asking t questions that may help the teen feel more at ease (especially if there is one or two things that make the teen suspicious)

Teens need to be as autonomous as they safely can, so a teen part may respond to having more of a say on things that aren't so important. For example giving a teen a couple chores and giving them options on when they decide to do them, or giving them three and having them choose two to get done, you get a lot more done around the house than if you simply dictate which chores need to be done. Taking this idea of giving choices, you may decide to give the teen the ability to write or talk to the t about concerns, but stress that it is important to communicate why. Or any variation of the idea.

Sorry if this is just a ton of rambling. I think it's great for any teen to decide to trust/not trust someone on their own. It's much better than a teen who has no boundaries. But it's also important to stress that the benefits of talking are there, and that other parts also need to have their choices respected. So if they wish to talk, it's important to let them, that kind of thing. It's good that your teen is making choices, but they also need to allow others those choices and they need to be encouraged into seeing the positives/benefits of therapy. It's difficult when the brain is at that stage of development to make peace with everyone.
Hugs!!
IJ

[Bloem]

I am a teen

I trust our t, but the original does not trust our T.

That is really hard for me.

Kim

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by canuck1971

hello, so I have a teenage part that refuses to trust T and seems to be blocking anyone else from speaking to her

how do i deal with trust issues

i am trying hard to "listen inside" , but it is so hard

my internal system of alters was one where we could not do anything about parts that distrusted others and blocked alters from speaking with her, all we could do was continue working with me to develop positive coping tools that enabled me to take over doing the jobs in which was the alters purpose, job and reason for being...

example alters that didnt trust...they were created in me because I was not able to handle that emotion and situations that needed me to be untrustworthy, distinguish between trust worthy people and untrustworthy people. these alters of mine were created in such a way as to prevent my getting close to someone and reduce the risk of my telling someone I was being hurt. so instead of trying to convince alters to come out and talk with my therapist (which is illegal and unethical where I am anyway according to the ethics board that over sees any of the treatment providers I have and do see) my therapist and I would work on improving my daily life skills and improve my coping skills for those problems that caused me to dissociate..anxiety makes me dissociate so learn how to handle anxiety through meds and other positive coping tools, kinds of stuff.

eventually there was no need to have alters that did this kind of job, purpose, reason for being so they integrated with me and we all became one whole person again.