[innocentjoy]

I was talking to my T about how my youngest alter (maybe 5 years old) has a difficult time with flashbacks because she thinks everything is still happening. My T suggested that we explain to her that it is 2014, and ground her to the present. I explained that this doesn't help, because she is aware of present day happenings as well. When she talks about things that happened in the past, it's always like it was yesterday that it happened. In the same sentence she can talk about things we actually did yesterday and things we did 20 years ago as if it was yesterday.

My T seemed surprised by this, when he realized she doesn't have any concept of time.

When I need to ground her, it means I have to show her that the stuff that happened years ago is not happening anymore, and prove that it's over in a way that doesn't use time. For example, we don't live in that town anymore, so we can't be in the same room that it was happening, or other differences, like ages, deaths, etc.

Has anyone else had to explain to an alter the concept of time? How would you do this with a small child?

TIA
IJ

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

I was talking to my T about how my youngest alter (maybe 5 years old) has a difficult time with flashbacks because she thinks everything is still happening. My T suggested that we explain to her that it is 2014, and ground her to the present. I explained that this doesn't help, because she is aware of present day happenings as well. When she talks about things that happened in the past, it's always like it was yesterday that it happened. In the same sentence she can talk about things we actually did yesterday and things we did 20 years ago as if it was yesterday.

My T seemed surprised by this, when he realized she doesn't have any concept of time.

When I need to ground her, it means I have to show her that the stuff that happened years ago is not happening anymore, and prove that it's over in a way that doesn't use time. For example, we don't live in that town anymore, so we can't be in the same room that it was happening, or other differences, like ages, deaths, etc.

Has anyone else had to explain to an alter the concept of time? How would you do this with a small child?

TIA
IJ

my treatment providers and I did not try to talk to the alters in terms of concept of time. we just honored their memories, feelings, emotions for what they were, their memories of what they remember happened to them and what they remembered doing. we approached it this way because there is a type of alter who's job, purpose, reason for being created is that of which they hold with in their memories...

example one of my alters was the holder of excitement. anything exciting happened during my childhood was held with in this alter, no amount of telling her we didnt go to the "climbing rocks" yesterday, we did that years ago, was going to get her to stop feeling excited and that we did it or that in her mind it was yesterday. she was not created to hold memories in chronological order, she was there to hold the emotion excitement. so my therapist talked with her about how exciting doing those things she remembered doing was and how it made her feel.

maybe instead of focusing on fighting to get this alter to see things your way, you can meet her at her own understanding and emotional level and honor the things she does remember and the things she does for you. maybe all she needs is acknowledgement that shes there and someone to say hey that must have felt.......

[lifelies]

We experience some sort of time distortion in a systemic way. Some times we still think that our father is a relapsing alcoholic (he is sober nowadays) and that he's going to drive us drunk, that kind of things that are already past (a year ago).
Some times the youngest alters (Tommy, 4; and Hilde, 6, and maybe Chris, 11) get confused and think that the "context" (year, situation...) is the same as it was when the body was their age. I haven't tried to talk to them about this yet because it's not something that happens often, but some times they still talk about traumas using present tenses (not past tenses).

I'm sorry I have no advice to give you, but if the flashback is recurring (i.e. always the same) you could tell her that she already explained you the flashback, so it's not possible that it's happening right now.
Hugs,
Lana

[innocentjoy]

Thanks, that's a good idea, and might work with her for some things.

I think the big issue is when we're super scared, and she feels like he is going to walk into our room at any moment. Or just that we aren't safe, and need to be hypervigilant for our safety.

Thanks for the support!
xoxo
IJ