[RinRin]

I often suffer severe derealization 'attacks', and I can't get myself out of them without hurting myself.

This isn't such a problem at home, but I'm worried what will happen if one occurs when I'm out.
I'm currently attending college and, whilst I have friends in all my classes, I still get quite anxious in class and just generally around college, and when I get really anxious it can trigger one of these derealization attacks.

During these attacks I can't really tell people whats happening to me, I lose most of my control of my speech and when I can speak, it's not things that make sense and I just repeat sentences over and over. It makes me really scared when it happens and It can trigger a panic attack on top of the derealization. I also suffer dermatillomania and when I have panic attacks I scratch my arms really severely, which obviously would make everyone think I'm a bit weird...

What should I do if this occurs at college? How can I prepare for this happening? I don't want to outright tell everyone about it, but no-one would know what's going on otherwise...

Anyone got any ideas?

[jelly-bean]

I think you might want to discuss it with the counselor at the college. Your professors should be informed in case it happens but no one else needs to know. Are you on any medication or in therapy.? Maybe they can adjust the meds to better help you at college.

[Kiya]

start training yourself to grab something at the first sign- something like a tiny stuffed animal in your pocket, or a polished stone, something with a scent; anything that helps to bring you back to your reality; learn to repeat your name, age, the current date, the president - these things are all reality making. Start when you're not panicking so that when you do panic, it's right there; the things you tell yourself, the object (non-harming) to hold on to. Even if you can hang on to your desk until it passes (which will keep your hands from scratching you). Doodle something that means safety to you - man I did that all through college. As soon as my mind started spinning, I started doodling the thing that meant safety to me.
best!

[eskielover]

That sounds like it's almost more than derealization which is the same as depersonalization. When that happens to me is more like I'm up-above myself watching & hearing everything that's being said & done & I'm functioning just as I was normally before it hit...

Just so you know.....depersonalization/derealization & even dissociation are all coping skills that the body uses in high stress times & in their less extreme form aren't a problem as it happens to many people just normally....it's the extremes that are the problem.

I know it freaked me out the first time it happened because my horse trainer was talking to me & I answered her but I had no idea how I know to answer her with the right answer & she had no idea that there was anything going on with me....but I knew & it scared me because I couldn't understand how I could be up there watching & still able to participate as if I was right there.

I am sorry you are having such extreme derealization to deal with. It's important to have therapy to help you go back to what caused it in the first place (trauma/abuse usually) & help to learn how to ground yourself in the NOW & where you are & to learn other skills that you can use during very stressful situations that can help you get through them in a more functional way. It seemed for me at least, when my body got used to reacting that way, it happened more often even though it was no longer tied to the trauma I went through so I have had to learn new stress reducing techniques & it has reduced the times when the depersonalization hits.

Also.....I know when I went back to college with my depression & anxiety even before that trauma hit me.....the disability program allowed the instructors to know what was going on with me & to help me get through the higher anxiety times using the things that they allowed to help with my disability (quiet place to take tests, extra time, recording lectures....etc)...it's worth it to use the things they provide through the disabilities office. When I got my BS, I wasn't dealing with any mental health issues....but when I went back......it definitely helped & I would highly recommend it.

[cool09]

I know what you mean in college. I was at a big university and it was overwhelming and I was disconnected all of the time. (I didn't realize I had this disorder back then and I too had a semester where panic attacks were prevalent and scary.) Class sizes were very large and it was too much - taking tests was very difficult because I would get distracted much too easily if someone coughed, sniffled, turned book pages, etc. Waiting for class to begin was hard because others would be socializing, laughing and I was disconnected and felt numb and lost. I took a leave one semester. I guess when I was overwhelmed I would start looking at my notes or a book to distract myself from what was going on around me. It's a horrible feeling.

Can you see a therapist while you're at college? If you need to take a leave of absence for your health don't hesitate. It's more important than school. Good luck.

[Just keep swimming]

Originally Posted by RinRin

I often suffer severe derealization 'attacks', and I can't get myself out of them without hurting myself.

This isn't such a problem at home, but I'm worried what will happen if one occurs when I'm out.
I'm currently attending college and, whilst I have friends in all my classes, I still get quite anxious in class and just generally around college, and when I get really anxious it can trigger one of these derealization attacks.

During these attacks I can't really tell people whats happening to me, I lose most of my control of my speech and when I can speak, it's not things that make sense and I just repeat sentences over and over. It makes me really scared when it happens and It can trigger a panic attack on top of the derealization. I also suffer dermatillomania and when I have panic attacks I scratch my arms really severely, which obviously would make everyone think I'm a bit weird...

What should I do if this occurs at college? How can I prepare for this happening? I don't want to outright tell everyone about it, but no-one would know what's going on otherwise...

Anyone got any ideas?

I wanted to go listen to a presentation on trauma, but I was pretty sure it might trigger me, so I told my close friend that I might need her help. We worked out what she could do if it looked like I had "left". Turned out the presentation was fine and I was so thrilled. I usually try to handle stuff like this on my own and I think worrying about anyone finding out that something is wrong makes me even more anxious. Knowing that my friend already knew that this situation might be hard for me, I think made it easier.

My T and I worked on finding what types of things calmed me when feelings of depersonalization would start and what types of things could bring me back. Then we practiced these things: taking a drink of water, unwrapping and putting a hot cinnamon hard candy in my mouth (it stings my mouth a little), smelling a small bottle of lemon grass oil, turning the wheels on a small toy car of my son's, looking around me and noticing things in the room, rubbing my finger back and forth along the seam of my jeans. I carry water, hard candy, a small bottle of oil and the toy car in my bag just in case.

My close friend's office is next to mine and there have been times when she's noticed that I kind of seem to be stuck, not moving. She knows to tell me to take a drink of water and that's enough to start the whole ritual of taking a sip of water, looking for the hard candy, unwrapping it....

And like someone's already mentioned, there are certain safe drawings that I use when I unexpectedly read something that's triggering. It just looks like I'm doodling.

So maybe you can find a trusted friend that you can get to help out, and maybe there are certain routines that can help at least calm you and get you a little more present, that are discreet. I had to practice the routines a lot before I could do them when I started to feel strange.

I hope some of this helps. It's kind of a long reply, sorry.

[Fuzzybear]