Hazel.

I have a question about myself.
I am conscious that I am an alter or Paradox.
Is it normal for an alter to not feel any type of emotion?
And I amnot saying that I blocked out all emotion, I am saying that I do not feel.

-Hazel.

I have parts that feel emotion and I have parts who don't feel emotion. The parts who don't feel emotion tend to be the parts who hold memories of abuse.

D. is the one who holds memories of abuse and rape, not me. I do not cry nor love, I do not feel.
I do not understand feelings.
-Hazel.

you don't feel anything?

that has to be a rather weird sensation

all my alters have emotions- that's probably why i feel like that

hugs

I can simulate a smile or sadness, but I do not feel the emotion.
-H.

I am trying to match up the parts who feel emotions to the ones who have memories. It is difficult because when I am feeling fear that is all I am feeling. It's everything. I get overwhelmed and hide. I have been working on talking to my fear part and explaining that the feeling of fear is from past trauma and not needed now. Sometimes that helps but many times I am not around to tell my fear part that so we hide sometimes unable to move. The parts that I am aware of who hold memories don't feel anything. It's not their job. Their job was/is to hold the memories.

You feel?

D.Girl...I dont know about whats what in puerto rico (your location on your profile) but here in america we have a label for when someone whether they are an alter or the person in which the alters reside that is for this kind of situation. the psychological term is ...lack of affect....short version it means the inability to show or feel emotions appropriately.

related to DID ....in general......yes it is possible to have alters who do not have emotions, do not show emotions, can not express emotions. most if not all people with DID have an alter who's job, purpose reason for being is to be quiet, dont cry when being abused, act out what ever the abuser wants them to do with out expressing fear, anxiety, tears, dont fight back type situations.

I had quite a few of these alters who had to perform with out showing displeasure, with out fighting back, be a good little girl and do what the abusing adult says to do. it was their job to do this so that I the person in which they resided with in would not get harmed for disobeying and fighting back.

that said only you know whether this is possible for you and your system, each persons system is comprised/made up in how ever ways that was right for them. to find out how and why you do not have emotions you will need to work with a mental health treatment provider in your own location. most times this kind of in depth therapy work takes many years to discover how and why a persons internal system of alters is the way it is.

my suggestion contact your (or a) mental health treatment provider. they can help explain the whats and whys directly related to your own set up.

yup, I have that part, yup.... really a great part to have around.

I do not think you understand.
D. girl is the user name of paradox, I am Hazel.
I did not suffer the abuse, I did not got hurt.
I am mature, educated, intelligence and knowledge. I am who keeps the rest in control for Paradox.
I am Hazel.
I have never feel.
Ever.

Yes, I do understand, I choose not to use names for my parts, but I fondly think of him as the Narrator, he keeps the Chaos away, he is the gate keeper, he is there but cannot and will not ever feel emotion. Emotion is Chaos and he is logic... yes I truly understand

Amandalouise does not understand.

In time there will be understanding, I have been dealing with this for 14 years... it takes time don't push it.... I am far from whole... just let them get to know each other... understanding will come later... each has a function, each has a reason, none will ever go away, they will just learn to understand each other until the separateness starts to fade.... It is a long journey... and at times painful, but in the end I keep telling myself it will be worth it..... once I get past the denial thing...grin.. that comes and goes.... in the meantime... let those that can comfort and hug amandalouise hug her if no one can than at least let her know she is not alone...

Amandalouise is a user here.

I'm sorry, I thought Amandalouise was one of your parts... I went back and read the thread and see her post. I don't think she is telling you she doesn't understand. When I read her post, she was explaining her system and her non emotional parts... I do think she understood.

Each of us has our own system of coping, each of us has a unique system, that was created by us, just for us. If you have a part that has not emotion (as do I) then it was created by you for a reason, to protect you, to be able to take you to school and think and study, have no emotion, because to deal with the emotion at the time was just way too much... thus you have a non emotional part that was needed to get you through school. At least that is why my Narrator came to be. He made sense out of chaos. I use to think he was just awful for not feeling... but as I begin to understand my system and why it works the way it does... I understand.

Not everyone's system is the same, not everyone will understand... what is most important is that you learn to understand your system... it is a very hard thing to do and takes a lot of work and is a very scary thing..... Many times, I deny that I even have a system. Just depends on what part is needed to be present at the time. Just know your system is unique to you... don't question it... Amandalouise gave you very good advice in that you need to find a very good psychologist, if you haven't already, who will carefully and slowly help you start to discover the parts of you that have separated. Each part has a reason, each part has a place and each part, even the ones that are mean, is there to protect you.... that was the hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around... and at times I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.

Not everyone is going to understand.... not all parts of you are going to understand... I am grateful I have a part that is unemotional and can handle things at times .... it is a coping mechanism....

There is a long road ahead of you, to discover who your really are... you need a guide, think of a psychologist or qualified mental health professional as your guide to help you discover the map to your own system.
I hope that made sense... sorry if I am rambling

yes lady lindsey, thats exactly what I was doing in my post, showing I understood by explaining what my own system was like and that the original poster was not alone in having alters that dont /cant feel. thanks

It made sense.
But, I do not want to feel.
Paradox haves the helper and they work well together.
I am not touched, we do not seek help to be united. We do not want it.
We want to stay this way, but with control.
Do you understand my meaning?

Then seek help to better understand and have control. But seeking help by a qualified mental professional is necessary to have control

I dont know whether your system is set up in a way that will enable you to not be united, and stay the way you are. only you can say that.

by control do you mean have more time in control of the body /time out in the world.

or

do you mean to have a better/less stressful/less painful life?

if you mean control as in who comes out when and have more time in control of the body only you know whether your system is set up in a way that allows the alters to be in control longer or not. everyones system is different and made up in what ever ways that is best for that system to survive. Since you know about the others in your system maybe you can talk inside with them to find out how your system is made up and how you each end up in control /out in the world. maybe you can hold meetings where you all can make decisions on who needs to be out when.

if by control you mean you want your life to be better/less stressful well that takes working with a mental health treatment provider called a therapist or a psychiatrist. they can help you learn coping tools that you can use to make your life better/less stressful...

The helper is who you mean. My apologies, my way of expressing words is quite different.