[TheStrongOne]

My therapist has been asking the past couple of appointments about what my dissociation is like and what it feels like. She was explaining the dissociation scale and what it looks like depending on where you fall. She asked me, don't remember how she put it, but basically what I have read on here as a blackout. I told her no. But then I remembered two times when it might have happened. I am going to tell her when I see her next, but was hoping to get input before that. I didn't know if it was normal to get really triggered and not remember things. If they are related to did or may not always be related to did.

The first I remember it happening, I was having a disagreement/argument with a friend. I was highly emotional, plus I felt safe around them which didn't help. So we were disagreeing (not yelling) and all of a sudden I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Don't hurt me!" When I screamed, it totally grounded me, and I realized I wasn't there a few seconds before, I had no recollection of the last few seconds. I don't know why I screamed, I didn't know I had sreamed until I heard it and it brought me back. I even said outloud, confused, I don't know why I just did that. I had realized he had a string he had put around my wrist randomly and I am thinking I felt pressure on my wrist and it triggered me somehow.

The second time I was in therapy (not my current) and we were doing roleplaying of work scenarios of boss confrontations. She came at me with what the boss said, and I did a good job defending my decisions/speaking up. She came at me again. Then I realized I was seeing my surroundings and I knew I wasn't there just before. I realized my legs were up on the couch and I was hugging my kness (my feet were on the floor before) and I was confused on how I got in this position. I realized my cheeks were wet because I was crying. I was feeling really foggy and knew I was dissociative. I remember my therapist asking me how old I felt, what memory I was thinking of. I just kept repeating, I don't know because I didn't. I was feeling really out of it.


One other thing, but it wasn't like those where I know I wasn't there. Someone asked me a question in a therapy setting and they said I shook my head. I told them, no, I didn't. They said yes, and the other people there agreed they saw it, too. Then I had a major mind block. I asked them what they asked me, and I just couldn't grasp the concept. Even though it was simple english. I was so confused. Couldn't understand the words. So I know there was a part of me blocking what the question meant.

That sounds like depersonalization where I sit back and watch my body performs and say stuff that I'd never would like in a movie...kinda freaky.

The hardcore DIDers totally blackout and go for a ride while I watch and not really remain in control, so who knows? I just think I'm freaking crazy!

I have alters that runs this bosy, but I can see.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TheStrongOne

My therapist has been asking the past couple of appointments about what my dissociation is like and what it feels like. She was explaining the dissociation scale and what it looks like depending on where you fall. She asked me, don't remember how she put it, but basically what I have read on here as a blackout. I told her no. But then I remembered two times when it might have happened. I am going to tell her when I see her next, but was hoping to get input before that. I didn't know if it was normal to get really triggered and not remember things. If they are related to did or may not always be related to did.

The first I remember it happening, I was having a disagreement/argument with a friend. I was highly emotional, plus I felt safe around them which didn't help. So we were disagreeing (not yelling) and all of a sudden I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Don't hurt me!" When I screamed, it totally grounded me, and I realized I wasn't there a few seconds before, I had no recollection of the last few seconds. I don't know why I screamed, I didn't know I had sreamed until I heard it and it brought me back. I even said outloud, confused, I don't know why I just did that. I had realized he had a string he had put around my wrist randomly and I am thinking I felt pressure on my wrist and it triggered me somehow.

The second time I was in therapy (not my current) and we were doing roleplaying of work scenarios of boss confrontations. She came at me with what the boss said, and I did a good job defending my decisions/speaking up. She came at me again. Then I realized I was seeing my surroundings and I knew I wasn't there just before. I realized my legs were up on the couch and I was hugging my kness (my feet were on the floor before) and I was confused on how I got in this position. I realized my cheeks were wet because I was crying. I was feeling really foggy and knew I was dissociative. I remember my therapist asking me how old I felt, what memory I was thinking of. I just kept repeating, I don't know because I didn't. I was feeling really out of it.


One other thing, but it wasn't like those where I know I wasn't there. Someone asked me a question in a therapy setting and they said I shook my head. I told them, no, I didn't. They said yes, and the other people there agreed they saw it, too. Then I had a major mind block. I asked them what they asked me, and I just couldn't grasp the concept. Even though it was simple english. I was so confused. Couldn't understand the words. So I know there was a part of me blocking what the question meant.

Im sorry but we cant tell you whether your black outs are dissociative or normal. what I can tell you is that there are many definitions for things like black outs, loss of time and such. the diagnostic criteria for dissociative problems is that the amount of time a person cant remember must not be because of some types of black outs from drugs, alcohol, other mental and other physical health problems, and the term black outs are not used in the diagnostic criteria for dissociative problems, which is why we cant tell you what this problem is with in you, only your treatment providers can say what type of black outs you are having and why.

my suggestion is keep working with your treatment providers and they will be able to help you with this.

[TheStrongOne]

Yea, I think I used the wrong term.... I was laying in bed last night and realized I don't think it is called black outs with did. Is there a specific term for time lost during did?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TheStrongOne

Yea, I think I used the wrong term.... I was laying in bed last night and realized I don't think it is called black outs with did. Is there a specific term for time lost during did?

mental health terms are relative to ones own location, treatment providers and how it affects the person having the problem /what physical /mental/environmental....all kinds of.issues are involved, how it affects a persons life on many different levels... even things like medications diet exercise/sleep or lack there of can affect a persons brain and how they remember of forget things.

heres a small example of what I mean...

the memory problems you posted about can be called things like

anemia
amnesia
normal
stress
anxiety
lack of sleep
poor diet...

depending upon other accompanying symptoms theres millions and millions of technical terms for this....

the best thing to do if you feel you are having memory problems like this is contact a medical doctor and a mental health treatment provider. they will be able to narrow down what type of problem this is in you and what to do about it.

Yes, blackout does doesn't sound right, missing time or lost time sounds better. It's like there's missing time that doesn't segment together in a continual timeline, for me at least. I'm not sure what else to call it. I'm always finding new entries on my account, things said and not remembered.