Shock and awe when you are left standing and wondering "What the heck is going on!?!" There are things that happened in your life that doesn't seem quite right that you've kept to yourself and told no one. Maybe a handwritten note you don't recognize in your diary, finding new gear and clothing, you know what I mean. Clues to our real undiscovered selves in the course of our lives prior to the awareness. We can list them here! I'll start.

In high school before word processors and computers, all rough drafts were hand written. I had to write a 5 page paper on some stupid topic about some stupid thing. I sat down to start it, then I was done. Hours have flown by in that time.
Not really having any idea what the paper I just wrote was about, I started to read it. The only thing that stood out to me was that there were 4 distinct different styles of handwriting. Big round letters, slanted lettering, scribble, and some fancy writing. I stared at the pages for awhile. The content was all disjointed jumping from topic to topic, but that was normal for me. Cue 'Twilight Zone' music. Lol

[Crazy Hitch]

It's really interesting for me how you describe the different handwriting styles AlwaysChanging2.

It fits in pretty well with what you are saying about "Past Clues".

So it's good for me to hear this in perspective.

Thank you for sharing this.

[amandalouise]

with me there was no "clue's" that I was DID in my awareness, at least not until after I was diagnosed. once I was diagnosed it was like I was constantly evaluating everything thing I had said and did through out my life. my therapist and I would have many sessions where we would end up laughing about this because everything most people would look for... doing things i wouldnt remember doing, buying things i didnt remember buying, writings/artwork I would not recognize nor remember doing, forgetting where my house keys were, ...all these things are things that even normal people do/happen to normal people.

my therapist had to explain to me that if I wanted to find those things that pointed my mind to being DID, I had to look beyond normal, and of course I could not find the beyond the normal because everything that was happening with me all my life was my perception of normal, everything was my normal.

my therapist and i had quite the conversations about how do you look beyond what is your normal to what is your abnormal ...well because not remembering buying things was my normal, the abnormal of that is remembering buying something. since not remembering and not recognizing my own writing was my normal then recognizing/remembering writing something was my abnormal..

then my therapist explained to me that the only way for me to know and find those things that point to having DID is the diagnostic criteria. those are what got me diagnosed with DID. then she and I went through my test results, and she showed me what got me diagnosed with DID, it wasnt my writings, or buying things\forgetting things. it was having two or more alternate personalities of a special type that had their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being, that affected my life in all areas of life...social, academic, occupational.....

now I dont bother looking back trying to analyze my life trying to understand what in my life pointed to being DID.

Yes i have lots and lots of clues from the past that allpointed to DID, even though i didnt know what was wrong with me at the time.

That's very nice Amanda. This is not an attempt to analyze anything like your reply seems to suggest in some subtle but pointed fashion. It seems that you might have taken the spirit of the discussion topic all wrong. Here, let me go ahead and try to clear the air as to the true intent of this discussion topic so that no one else here gets offended and finds fault with it also.

Basically, it boils down to this....I'm nosy. I started the topic because I'm fascinated with the doings of other people's lives. I always love comparing notes and finding the similarities and noting the differences. I love reading about other people's lives as much as sharing mine. It's a learning process for me, and others I hope, and I also find it very interesting. You can probably accuse me of being a mental peeping Tom.

I also gave it a humorous title. We have got to have some humor where the subject of M.I. is concerned because it's so evil. Humor keeps us from being swallowed into the depressing darkness of MI, ruining our soul and lives in the process, turning us into prisoners of our own mental hell.

I do admit that the word "clue" can be taken as an attempt to analyze to theorize ones mental state, but that would be in the present when the idea would be an active concern and actively investigated with purpose and intent to figure ones self out. Truth be known, I used it in the context of being back in time to when "it" happened. Then it's a mystery, or so it would seem to the participant. Because of the main word "mystery" I chose to use its companion "clue" as the obvious candidate to be in the title. Its a clue during our earlier days of wondering ignorance, well, maybe only for the ones that can retain some memory. For you "True DID" people, maybe this concept wasn't that well thought of and planned out. Give me a break, I put it all together in 10 seconds and now had to take an hour to explain it.

At most we might get a "wow" or "no ****" reaction out of a reply post. Other people's experiences are gems. Since we all are confident in who, what and how we are, I securely assumed that we could just have a little fun with this and post stupidly interesting stuff for entertainment purposes, and I can also be wrong in thinking that, but oh what the hell.

We all know the clinical text book definition for DID for you Amanda quote it so well endlessly. We appreciate that because there might be an outside chance that we just might forget what it is, and let's not forget the newcomers also.

Well, after all that, I hope some misgivings were cleared up and that we're now all on the same page as I see it. But, after all that, the fun has been zapped out of it somewhat, and I'm now not so much into it anymore, but that can change. Don't worry, I'll come up with something else here soon, I usually do. That's my job.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

That's very nice Amanda. This is not an attempt to analyze anything like your reply seems to suggest in some subtle but pointed fashion. It seems that you might have taken the spirit of the discussion topic all wrong. Here, let me go ahead and try to clear the air as to the true intent of this discussion topic so that no one else gets offended and finds fault with it also.

Basically, it boils down to this....I'm nosy. I started the topic because I'm fascinated with the doings of other people's lives. I always love comparing notes and finding the similarities and noting the differences. I love reading about other people's lives as much as sharing mine. It's a learning process for me, and others I hope, and I also find it very interesting. You can probably accuse me of being a mental peeping Tom.

I also gave it a humorous title. We have got to have some humor where the subject of M.I. is concerned because it's so evil. Humor keeps us from being swallowed into the depressing darkness of MI, ruining our soul and lives in the process, turning us into prisoners of our own mental hell.

At most we might get a "wow" or "no ****" reaction out of a reply post. Other people's experiences are gems. Since we all are confident in who, what and how we are, I securely assumed that we could just have a little fun with this and post stupidly interesting stuff for entertainment purposes, and I can also be wrong in thinking that, but oh what the hell.

We all know the clinical text book definition for DID for you quote it so well endlessly. We appreciate that because there might be an outside chance that we just might forget what it is.

Well, after all that, I hope some misgivings were cleared up and that we're now all on the same page as I see it. But, after all that, the fun has been zapped out of it somewhat, and I'm now not so much into it anymore, but that can change. Don't worry, I'll come up with something else here soon, I usually do. That's my job.

Im sorry that you took my post that way but I wasnt analyzing your post, the point of my post was that when .....I..... was diagnosed I began to try and analyze ......my own life...trying to figure out what things in ...my own life.... pointed to being DID. and this is how my own treatment providers and I handled my questioning things like what in my life pointed to being DID....there are many different people here with many different treatment providers who approach things like this in different ways. Im sorry if how I and my treatment providers approached this same issue that you posted about is different than you and your ways. but thats the risk we all take when posting on mental health boards right, theres going to be people addressing the same issues you have in different ways. that doesnt mean they have hidden agenda's like analyzing other peoples posts. what i posted is how I and my treatment providers addressed this issue.

Sorry Alwayschanging, I'm late to the party, as usual.....
I was given the DID "test" (can't remember what it's called) and the doc told my T that I faked all of it.
One clue is one my husband told me about. I almost got kicked out of Walgreens, of all places cause I was running around , playing with the toys and making lots of noise. Well, I hope it was fun.....
My T has seen switches and I have experienced a horrible headache after sessions.
Don't let anyone zap your fun. It was and is a valid, interesting, and yes, funny thread.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

That's very nice Amanda. This is not an attempt to analyze anything like your reply seems to suggest in some subtle but pointed fashion Subtle, huh?? . It seems that you might have taken the spirit of the discussion topic all wrong. Here, let me go ahead and try to clear the air as to the true intent of this discussion topic so that no one else here gets offended and finds fault with it also.

Basically, it boils down to this....I'm nosy. I started the topic because I'm fascinated with the doings of other people's lives. I always love comparing notes and finding the similarities and noting the differences. I love reading about other people's lives as much as sharing mine. It's a learning process for me, and others I hope, and I also find it very interesting. You can probably accuse me of being a mental peeping Tom.

I also gave it a humorous title. We have got to have some humor where the subject of M.I. is concerned because it's so evil. Humor keeps us from being swallowed into the depressing darkness of MI, ruining our soul and lives in the process, turning us into prisoners of our own mental hell. If you don't laugh, you may as well ******.....whoops..NOT funny

I do admit that the word "clue" can be taken as an attempt to analyze to theorize ones mental state, but that would be in the present when the idea would be an active concern and actively investigated with purpose and intent to figure ones self out. Truth be known, I used it in the context of being back in time to when "it" happened. Then it's a mystery, or so it would seem to the participant. Because of the main word "mystery" I chose to use its companion "clue" as the obvious candidate to be in the title. Its a clue during our earlier days of wondering ignorance, well, maybe only for the ones that can retain some memory. For you "True DID" people, maybe this concept wasn't that well thought of and planned out. Give me a break, I put it all together in 10 seconds and now had to take an hour to explain it.

At most we might get a "wow" or "no ****" reaction out of a reply post. Other people's experiences are gems. Since we all are confident in who, what and how we are, I securely assumed that we could just have a little fun with this and post stupidly interesting stuff for entertainment purposes, and I can also be wrong in thinking that, but oh what the hell.

We all know the clinical text book definition for DID for you Amanda quote it so well endlessly. We appreciate that because there might be an outside chance that we just might forget what it is, and let's not forget the newcomers also.

Well, after all that, I hope some misgivings were cleared up and that we're now all on the same page as I see it. But, after all that, the fun has been zapped out of it somewhat, and I'm now not so much into it anymore, but that can change. Don't worry, I'll come up with something else here soon, I usually do. That's my job.

It was enjoyable so don't worry about it. SMH......people....

Thanks yall, but it wasn't me that wrote all that. I ain't that smart! Lol I don't know who did but I can ask around, but maybe later. I got to get to sleep.

[TheFuZZieONE]

For me a big clue was when people (OK, mostly men) would approach me like they were expecting I would know who they were. They would sometimes try to talk to me and I'd get so nervous and freaked out that I would get away from them as quick as possible. I'd often leave them standing there with a puzzled wtf look on their face, and I would be just as puzzled as they were. Why were all these strange men harassing me..?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. But why could I not remember? And how come everyone knew but me? Something fishy was going on and I was gonna figure it out. I was a big f***** slut. Lol. But it wasn't me
How could it be? How come I couldn't remember? Just a few fuzzy memories. For some reason the memories were ONLY auditory. I could only hear some memories, but couldn't see them.

Now I cracked the code. It was DID all along. But like that makes it any easier to explain? I'd rather be known for being an "easy" forgetful gal.

[lifelies]

One of the things that made me start wondering what was wrong with me was that, sometimes, when I was given a corrected exam at school, I wouldn't remember having taken it, and sometimes I'd notice a different handwritting. This still happens to me, and sometimes while I'm co-conscious (I guess) I sort of realize I'm writing in a handwritting very diferent to mine...
Also I'm a very "contemplative" person and after thinking whether to do something or not for a period of time, I'd realize "I" had already done it.
Tom

Hey yall, I got triggered last night and... See, that's a shining example of the stuff we got to put up with. Right now it's not funny, just more frustrating.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Im sorry that you took my post that way but I wasnt analyzing your post, the point of my post was that when .....I..... was diagnosed I began to try and analyze ......my own life...trying to figure out what things in ...my own life.... pointed to being DID. and this is how my own treatment providers and I handled my questioning things like what in my life pointed to being DID....there are many different people here with many different treatment providers who approach things like this in different ways. Im sorry if how I and my treatment providers approached this same issue that you posted about is different than you and your ways. but thats the risk we all take when posting on mental health boards right, theres going to be people addressing the same issues you have in different ways. that doesnt mean they have hidden agenda's like analyzing other peoples posts. what i posted is how I and my treatment providers addressed this issue.

Thanks Amanda, I appreciate the info. It sounds most hopeful. It sux when there are too many opinions of things. Sorry for the other one for doing what he did. He was adamant about whatever. I guess we use humor to hide the dark side, even though I like to stay light hearted, or I'll lose it. Any how,

[TheFuZZieONE]

Alwayschanging2,

I could actually notice the difference in the way you wrote your response to Amanda. There were less typos and the manner of speach was different. You seem to normally take things in stride, but yesterday's response was deeply offended. Just an observation. Luckily, no one here seems to mind :-)

[TheFuZZieONE]

I still haven't been able to identify my triggers. That would make my life a lot easier if I could figure that out. I too love reading about other people's experiences with DID because it helps me learn more about myself. I learn more from other people with DID/MI than through all my therapy and psychiatrists combined. Aha! Just got an idea for a new thread!!

Originally Posted by TheFuZZieONE

Alwayschanging2,

I could actually notice the difference in the way you wrote your response to Amanda. There were less typos and the manner of speach was different. You seem to normally take things in stride, but yesterday's response was deeply offended. Just an observation. Luckily, no one here seems to mind :-)

It defintely wasn't me. There's a proud intellectual in here that comes up with all these "great ideas" and pumps them out. It pops in our head and so we go "hey, that's cool", and throw it out there. He hates being taken wrong, he's got issues.

I can't go back and read it. I can sorta remember a feeling about it and I don't like it. See what I got to put up with?

[savana_w]

I am really beginning to think I am DID....
Changes in attitude in response to situations.
I forget things discussed until I am prompted they were talked about. A change in feeling of self when I am driving.
Scared Self,
In Pain Self when I have a migraine,
Lost child self,
The doer, pleaser self....

Alwayschanging...sorry that you got triggered. None of you guys did or said anything wrong.

"I" still have my doubts about if it's DID with me. My T doesn't have doubts. It does explain some stuff, though.
There are notes written to T detailing some inside. At times, there is a crying child who is lost or abandoned. "I" can feel her. But I wonder if that's just a feeling of normal loneliness? The journal that T has says a lot and I can't explain it.
I don't know....reality has never been my strong point.