[trashking]

possible trigger warnings.
I'm fairly sure i don't have DID, i just think this is the most accurate place for this. I can't stand to look in the mirror. (not only because self esteem issues,that's another thing altogether.) I just, I can't look for a long time because when i look in the mirror, it feels wrong.
i never feel like it's me. I feel like someone else is staring back at me, miserably. it weirds me out to see my reflection,especially when i accidentally ever catch myself smiling. it freaks me out. It makes me so unnerved because as I've said i feel like it's not me, it's someone else. why would they even be smiling at me. I don't even smile a lot,so that in its own...anyways. I would say i feel like someone else is watching me from in my skin, but that's not quite it. i don't even identify myself with that skin. i don't know what i fool myself into believing i look like, but it's definitely not that...along with the mirror issue, i get the terrible feeling sometimes, and i question if any of this is even real. it's a little difficult to explain. sometimes i'll even off-handedly mention to a friend that it feels like a movie, a book, sOMETHING, to see how they react, because sometimes i just don't..FEEL like any of this is happening i guess. it's also always a weird reality check for someone to speak to me directly,using my name, or telling me how old i am, or even sometimes i get weirded out when people call me a girl/boy. (sometimes i get mistaken for either at any time, i don't know) because i forget that yes, i exist? sometimes i c an't even tell if i really did/said something or if i was just thinking of doing/saying it. existing is just such a weird thing for me, and i get so weirded out that time is constantly moving, i am constantly aging and am an existing part of that.
does any of this make any sense to anyone ? sorry for rambling/the disorganized fashion of this post.

Hey Hun, dissociation is a spectrum, not confined to just one exact definition (DSM-5 is the final ultimate say for DID) but it spreads out from there. Everybody dissociates at one time or another, depersonalization, derealization, PTSD. Even borderline personality disorder has others also.

Also getting stoned and doped up produces like symptoms of self doubt. We couldn't diagnose you, but it does suck at being confused. Do you have a specialist to communicate to? Only they can help sort your concerns out.

Feel free to keep expressing because I don't know, I'm like you, another person on here looking for support in this crazy world of MI.

[trashking]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Hey Hun, dissociation is a spectrum, not confined to just one exact definition (DSM-5 is the final ultimate say for DID) but it spreads out from there. Everybody dissociates at one time or another, depersonalization, derealization, PTSD. Even borderline personality disorder has others also.

Also getting stoned and doped up produces like symptoms of self doubt. We couldn't diagnose you, but it does suck at being confused. Do you have a specialist to communicate to? Only they can help sort your concerns out.

Feel free to keep expressing because I don't know, I'm like you, another person on here looking for support in this crazy world of MI.

Thank you very much actually. It's helpful because i honestly didn't know it was a spectrum. I don't have a specialist, not even my school counselor (she isn't there for that I've tried bringing up personal issues) but yeah,i think I'll keep posting concerns about well everything that worries me. Thank you