[Vonnegutjunky]

Was not doing well so a few months ago so doc increased my Paxil-I recently got through the initial side effects - last week I actually felt almost like myself again- but now I just don't feel like myself- I am having a difficult time explaining it to my therapist - I feel disconnected from everything, including my surroundings- it's like my cognitive map is off somehow - like it's difficult for me to think about my surroundings beyond what I can physically see- or to think about days ahead - I feel numb physically and emotionally - just wondering if anyone can relate to this disconnect and can maybe do better job describing it? Also my ears are ringing really loudly when I get like this. I don't know if this is dp/dr or depression or both??

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[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Vonnegutjunky

Was not doing well so a few months ago so doc increased my Paxil-I recently got through the initial side effects - last week I actually felt almost like myself again- but now I just don't feel like myself- I am having a difficult time explaining it to my therapist - I feel disconnected from everything, including my surroundings- it's like my cognitive map is off somehow - like it's difficult for me to think about my surroundings beyond what I can physically see- or to think about days ahead - I feel numb physically and emotionally - just wondering if anyone can relate to this disconnect and can maybe do better job describing it? Also my ears are ringing really loudly when I get like this. I don't know if this is dp/dr or depression or both??

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this happened to me when I was on Abilfy (an antidepressant ) before 2013 my treatment providers called it depersonalization. but now with the new guidelines for dissociative disorders treatment providers have to rule out medication as the problem. if the problem is because of a medication its now called a medication side effect not a dissociative problem, which means now when my anti depressants cause this its handled differently with medication changes and adjustments rather than dissociative treatment of using grounding and relaxation skills.

to find out whether this is a dissociative problem or your meds you will need to contact your treatment providers who can make adjustments and changes and rule in or out the meds as the problem. if it turns out to not be your meds they can help you learn the skills needed (grounding/breathing\relaxing) so that you wont have this problem and when it does happen you will have the skills to help yourself so that you feel better.

If I had to guess hun, considering your story, a bad reaction to your meds? Have you tried cutting back on your dose to see what happens? The only time I ever got ringing in my ears was when I took a big hit.

I hope you feel better.

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thanks I felt like this before my medication increase - and it comes in waves - I just can't put into words what it is - and I don't have a lot of thinking that goes on while I'm like this - it's majorly physical -

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[Claritytoo]

It sounds like a dissociative state. I sometimes have a similar experience when I am in between alters. I know that sounds strange but sometimes I will start to switch but I don't. I just end up in a disconnected, emotionless state, where sometimes I can't feel the chair I am sitting on. Not like I am floating but just not feeling the chair. When I realize that, I usually have a feeling of fear that follows and than I switch. Because fear can cause me to switch. At least that is how I understand it. I have had this state last a few minutes to a couple of hours. Before I knew I was DID I just thought I was loosing my mind.

[finding_my_way]

have you had this happen since starting the med or was it there before you started the med? some meds can cause odd side effects, even coming and going. it can also potentially be causing dissociation, if that is what it is.

[Vonnegutjunky]

Yes it was before the med- my dissociative states were always mild- I have been on my Paxil for 8 years and I have never had issues with it - in my gut it's anxiety and dp/dr but usually those are associated with worry and fear - I have had dp/dr since I was a kid, I'm just wondering if it's changing because I am getting older ? Also I have a lot less anxiety and more dp/dr recently -

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[finding_my_way]

yeah. it's possible it could be changing. but also a degree of it could still be related to the increase of the med too even if you've always had it. i think as we get older too, how we metabolize things can change too, like meds, etc.

years ago, i used to take higher doses of certain meds that now i cannot tolerate. it was odd to me because back then, i had anorexia with a much lower weight than now, so i would have thought i would have been affected more by meds then compared to now. so, things can change in all kinds of ways too.

even if you have times in your life where things are going ok with less anxiety or stress and less dissociation for a long time, it still can happen randomly for no apparent reason.

A recent experience:
I went to a DBT meeting and I had full control of the body because nobody else wanted to deal with the group. I said our piece about not coming back and sat through the entire meeting. Everyone there was BPD, and I wasn't, and I couldn't relate to the group. While sitting there, I kept fighting falling into a dissociative trance and also was experiencing DR. I don't remember anything from that meeting, just that everyone and everything was not real.

I have these experiences quite often that I just ride them out. I found that freaking out only spikes anxiety, so I just remain calm and watch and wait, trying to stay grounded knowing that it'll go away. I imagine this would be the getting older part, experience.

Sometimes the DR is triggered it seems when I experience sensory overload, like walking into a store with all the colors and shapes, bright lights, and people. Sometimes it just happens. What I see or hear isn't real, just different. It's like I entered another dimension and seeing everything I know for the first time, but not believing.

Sure I take meds, but I've had these experiences long before I started my regimen. My meds are pretty side effect free.

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thanks for your your stories - I feel better as I can really relate to aspects of what I am reading- I just hate not being able to describe what I am feeling - it's frustrating to me that sometimes I feel so strange that I have no words for it -

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