Do you surprise yourself? Or Did I just say that??

It's like wow, "what the....?" I used to be caught between confusion and amazement. I'm not so concerned about it anymore now that I get it.

Words and phrases that come out of no where, a lot of times it's a little expressing, blurting out "I'm hungry!" Or "Stop it!" Or a big voicing their opinion- awkwardness.

I noticed that when it happens that I momentarily go blank and then come too with the words and voice echoing off in my mind. "Did I say that out loud?" Lol.

It's taken some getting used to, but today, nothing I do surprises me.

Do you surprise yourself?

one day in therapy I noticed my therapists make up wasnt exactly up to par. I suddenly blurted out dang you look like you put your make up on in the dark while riding a carny ride. she looked at me and with out batting an eye said those carny rides can be so unpredictable. lol

then she siad now the big question DID or normal. I said what? she said your blurt was that DID or normal. I had to think about that because for me it was normal, done that all my life but she wanted me to think more in depth about it.

I mean I was so used to the blurts that it usually didnt phase me or embarrass me or even surprise me, when it happened, it was just how I have always been.

finally after I was thinking a bit my therapist explained to me even normal non DID people sometimes have moments where they blurt out things. with DID it wasnt a requirement, criteria nor symptom. some people who are normal, or they have any number of medical or mental disorders blurt out their thoughts before censuring them. example people with tourettes syndrome (a medical neurological condition) will blurt out words)

there is actually a therapy approach called Association (where a treatment provider will say a word, phrase, or show an object or picture and the client is supposed to just blurt out with out thinking the first thing that comes out. this therapy approach is also part of many different diagnostic evaluations like the rorschac test and the Thematic Apperception Test)

I told her I was happy to hear it wasnt just me and that even normal people do this and that treatment providers welcome and use this in therapy and testing. she laughed and said yes you are normal lol

so I went back to not worry about it. all my alters have been integrated and still occasionally an F bomb will escape or other words, phrases at the wrong times. just normal lol

Right, I get blurting. I do it all the time and I can tell when its me that did the oops. It's usually happens when I'm surprised or experiencing an extreme emotions like anger and I'm just gushing at the mouth (ouch). When we are mad, we get to be quite the blurting hydrant.

There are also times that I'll experience moments of dissociation (daze/fog) and an other would say or blurt out something solo or in conjunction (usually sarcasm or a slam, depending on the general mood) of the sentiment being expressed as an add along. Usually upon coming out of the brief fog, the spoken words are quickly fading away echoing in a dreamy kind of way, causing me to pause and question myself if it really happened. I've asked other people "did I just say that?"

Usually, the big indicator that it was an other is the feel and attitude that powered it....Luis the daze aspect is a dead getaway.

Are you reflecting? Lol, yea I have these moment my goodness I understand that I have been this way my whole life....Oh that why you gave a kick *** speech seemily unlike you or that person was your mack honey....Then not remember or losing those ones in the same sitautions...

Oh ya, we do that a lot, reflecting, posting. Sometimes we are just bored to see who will chat back, compare notes,....I mean this is just such a crazy condition to have! So we like to compare notes and post about it if you haven't noticed! lol..

i have had a few times like this. it happens more when i see my psychiatrist though..or at least it is when i have noticed it...or other times where i'll have no thoughts attached to me that is generally how it is when i go to talk..i try to think before i speak or know what i want to say before i do...and sometimes it doesn't work that way and confuses me. of course, when i'm anxious, well, that in itself is a whole different problem where things come out wrong, jumbled up, etc.

the only time it bothers me is if it's something i would normally not say, something maybe mean or rude, sarcastic...and then immediately after i have to apologize. luckily, it doesn't happen much.

what scared me in high school was one day sitting beside a friend in class, and out of nowhere i told her i was going to kill her or wanted to kill her or something. she looked at me like i was crazy, and i was freaked out because i had no idea why that came out of my mouth, and i kept apologizing. it was bizarre...i had no thought or feeling of doing that..although, there was a phase i (maybe not me, not sure..not sure how i don't know but i don't really link myself to it exactly) went through of having a serial killer obsession, so i'm not sure if it was linked to that or not..but i don't remember what grade i was in so can't link it without knowing that...but that was another thing that freaked people out apparently....oops.

So I have to say, I had my mom over for dinner and were sitting at the table was me and my two oldest sons, 23,27. (They know all about my DID and are very supportive) so mom finished one plate and got up to maybe have some more, and I say oh go ahead grandma have some more there's plenty.
I look at my oldest and I go did I just say grandma? He said yep and you sounded just like a little kid... We both laugh quietly..
Luckily she didn't hear me... Wow, now that's DID in action.. Ha!