Roller coaster ride

This is crazy. Everyday is a roller coaster ride. Ever feel like you've been gone awhile and your happy to be back?

I think we need to focus on the present more and try forgetting about what's happening upstairs.

Emotions are a major trigger, and by trying to feel nothing, we can slow the switching down. When we were in denial, it was easy...now I don't know if it'll work anymore. Even right now I can feel an other trying to present. I used to be able to force them away to keep us even keeled with me forward of course.

I've got a hole to dig ourselves out of and I don't need any crazy happening.

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Well that didn't work, lol. He's such a blow hard.

But it's true....it's a roller coaster ride....so much that I'm surprised that we made it this far in life undetected or living.

I can't believe we pulled the wool over our own eyes! I actually believed that I was somebody else (the body) that I felt fake and lying but kept playing along! How is that possible? I mean, we did okay...I guess. It was hard though....a lot of internal struggling happening there... I can see all the switching and effort now that I'm aware of it.

The future now looks messed up...obviously there's no going back as much as it sounds like it's what needs to happen.

The past couple days was spent with a suicdal other present

But hopefully we can get passed that, too.

Now, if we can get back to working together for the greater good of ourselves and put the body's needs before ours when it's needed, and then maybe we can get something done? What a concept.

At least we are aware of the present enough to do this.

I'm sorry to bother y'all with our mental garbage.... Just trying to make it real.