Long post..trouble with memory

Long post, but please read. This is reposted from another forum. Need answers because my OCD is going crazy with worrying that I could be going crazy!!

Short version: I have a vivid memory that has most likely never happened to me. What is the cause for this? Trouble discerning a possible dream from reality.

Long version:

Awhile ago I was feeling guilty for all the compulsive lying I did in middle school. ( I am 21 now so this was about 9 years ago). I was very insecure and did this thing where I made fake social media accounts and talked to others behind pictures of random pretty people I found on the internet. I was young and stupid. I since then deleted all the accounts and have gotten better with the compulsive lying. I still have low-self esteem, and I have the diagnoses listed on the bottom of this post.

Anyway, the other morning I woke up with this vivid memory of me browsing facebook two years ago and coming across an account that I must have forgotten to delete, because it used the same picture I used for one of my other fake accounts. I remember the name of the profile being Jade Rydall. So I clicked on the profile and realized that I didn't remember making any of the posts that were shown on this page's wall- but the profile must have been mine because the location of this profile was in the small town where I was located when I was making these fake accounts, and because it used the same picture that I had used for another fake account. This picture was one only I would have had access to, because the real person the picture was of was someone I added randomly on facebook for the purpose of using their picture, because I thought she was pretty. Also, no one else in my extremely small town was doing this kind of horrible thing at that time except me. Anyway, I saw this Jade person's profile, knew it was fake, knew it was from my town and saw they had talked to people on their wall that I knew, but I had no memory of making it. I really wanted to delete this profile, because I knew it was one I had made back then even though I didn't remember making this particular one. But I couldn't think of any email or password I would have used to make the account, so I never was able to log in and delete it.
That was the extent of my memory.
So recently, as I remembered this randomly one morning just upon waking up, I decided I would go on facebook again, look for that account, and see if I could remember any password I would have put it under so I could delete it and therefore forget about that horrible part of my life. So I went on facebook, searched Jade Rydall, and nothing came up. Hmm. I typed in Jade Rydell, or similar names, just in case I remembered it incorrectly, and nothing came up.
I replayed the whole memory again and the thought popped into my mind "what if I dreamed that whole thing?"
I've never actually remembered something accurately in my sleep, like I seem to have done with this memory... No actual evidence of this profile ever existed... I became so worried I was delusional and going crazy that I sought help immediately.
I told my therapist about it and she said that facebook profiles do not get deleted unless someone reports the account or the user deletes it. I never deleted it, I never reported it, and since the activity on this account would have been about 10 years ago and I "remember" viewing it 2 years ago still, I doubt anyone else would have realized it was fake and reported it so recently. So she concluded that she thought it must have been a very vivid dream, since I have been having tons of vivid dreams lately. There was nothing bizarre in the dream I would have been able to look at the scenario and say "not real", and also it tied so perfectly in with life events that actually happened to me, such as the same picture as my other fake accounts, it being located in my hometown, etc., So she ultimately thought I suffered from OCD and also a depersonalization episode..not psychosis.
But a few weeks passed and I couldn't stop thinking about it. My OCD wouldn't let it go because it felt like such a real memory and I couldn't stop worrying I was going crazy because I honestly didn't know if it was real or if it was a dream. I realized there was one more thing I could do: I could check my facebook search history. It would show me any profile I was on, and if I really did see this profile, it would show up on there.
I searched by facebook history for exactly 2 years ago and there was the name "Jade Maydall" on there, in between two other names that I am familiar with. The other 2 names showed up as links to the person's profile, and the Jade name had no link, it just showed that I had typed it in. So wtf am I supposed to think now? I do not know anyone named Jade except in this inaccurate memory/dream. If there was a profile, it was deleted by now. If there was never a profile, then it's a freaky coincidence.
My therapist does not find it concerning and has not changed my diagnosis to anything related to psychosis, but I am having so much trouble discerning whether this is a real memory or a dream. I feel like I should know!

Does anyone have any advice or help to offer me? My OCD is running rampant over this

Oh hun, your panic is palpable.

I'm glad you talked to your T about this - and as long as it is bothering you, keep talking to her about it.

I can't say one way or another whether this was a dream or not. It doesn't sound like psychosis to me. Weird stuff like this happens to me a lot - and my issue is dissociation / PTSD. I don't know if thats the same for you, but your T will help you disipher it all. That doesn't happen quickly, but I have learnt to kind of accept that at the moment I don't know what is real and what isn't - but one day I will, and Im working towards that day. I spent months and months going over every detail and in a spin about it, but now I can kind of function normally and have these thoughts in the background rather than taking over everything. I mean, I still have my moments! But it does get easier to manage.

Thank you!!

My anxiety about it has lessened a bit but I'm still obsessing about it

I have a vivid "memory" of having had sex with a good friend. Someone I loved. The only thing is in the "memory" I was wearing shoes that I hadn't worn in years. I wouldn't have had those shoes on during the period of time I believed I was intimate with my friend. My t said to me once, if there is something in the "memory/dream" that is out of place or couldn't have been there at the time you believe the event happened, it was most likely a vivid dream. I believe her and it's still a vivid memory/dream but I chalk it up to being a dream because the shoes I was wearing were from a decade prior. Basically what my t was saying is if something is out of place and time in the "memory" there is a good chance it is actually a vivid dream. I don't know if this helps you. To this day I still feel as though I made love to him. Very vivid dream.

I'm sorry for your issues because I've an obsessive mind too, at times. When I can't get something out of my head, I generally find something else to replace it with, something that doesn't cause as much anxiety.

I've learned to listen to logic and reasoning... If it fails the "real" test, accept and move on and find something useful to focus on turning my obsession into a gift. I've spent too much energy in the past obsessing on fantasy that I've decided to try and use it for benefit.

I don't know if you can do the same, but I hope that you can....it wearies the brain to be locked on to thoughts that you know are untrue and yet can't do anything about them to get rid of them.

Dreams are dreams. What makes a vivid dream so real is that it's more of an experience then just a dream....like dreaming in 4D!qq. The brain is so emotionally entwined that it seems beyond real.....it's better than an iMax 3D movie!

Also, it seems like you have a guilty conscious that just won't give you a break, been there done that! Just need to say yeah yeah yeah and move on!

Good luck

I know how to do reality testing and I've tried to check this memory for anything that would be indicative of it being a dream vs a real event and I can't find anything. And if it wasn't real at all, why was that name in my search history? What if it actually happened and I was so triggered when I saw it that I blocked it out of my memory for awhile? It's a long shot but not impossible.
I would be 100% content in calling it a really vivid dream if it weren't for two things:
1) I feel like it makes me crazy, essentially delusional, for thinking this whole thing was true if it was actually just a dream
2) the unexplainable name in the search history

Other than that, I can easily say it was a dream. I just feel like I should know the difference, you know?
I feel like what happened to me is beyond the scope of OCD and anxiety and occasional depersonalization episodes. I'm so worried this makes me psychotic!

Thank you for all your responses though, you really have no idea how much talking this out on here helps!!

Thank you for your response. I do believe, ultimately that it was a vivid dream. I suppose it was just a freaky coincidence that a very similar name was in my search history. Maybe my brain was just remembering a random name it did actually see two years ago and dreamed a vivid story up about it. Who knows.
Thanks again, you really helped!

Does anyone here thinks this makes me psychotic or crazy? I feel like I could easily let it go if I could just minimize the fear that it makes me crazy/

Nope. Being confused about whether one dream is real does not mean you are psychotic.

i had dreams that continued day after day about a story that was going on in my lifeand each dream would follow in order of what happenned i the last dream. it was like watching a 6 series movie, way more than 6 too. i acted on te dreams in the real world and did some stupid stuff and ended up on the pshyc ward. my t had to keep reminding me that it was dreams until it finally occured to me it was so absurd it couldn't have happened.

i was hearing voices outside of my head, alongside with inside my head too but tried to dig up my backyard steps to my house because i heard a friend of mine say she was under the stairs and needed food for her children. i also thought the president of the usa wanted me to work a weekend at the pentagon after 9/11. my grandfather actually did die in a plane crash in 1945 when a plane crashed into the Empire State Building on july 28, which is a true story.

i added the second part of my post seperately because i needed people to know it was a true story about the Empire State Building. my grandfather was the president of the Catholic press at the time and was a reporter.

Not at all. The OCD part might be a bit much...but that would be normal.

The unhealthy part is obsessing. That's unneeded anxiety and stress in ones day...like their isn't enough to begin with.

I've decided that I need to drop all unhealthy obsessions (it's like tearing away at times) and refocus my super powers on healthy habits like good thoughts and stuff that actually do good.

Anything else is just a waste of time, especially if I know it is.

As far as crazee goes, hunny "we're all crazee now"- Twisted Sister!

Thanks, I know the OCD has gotten out of control about it.
And good for you!!