[lucidity11]

Having a huge amount of anxiety over being prescribed a beta blocker for my high blood treasure. I don't think I can do it. The medication doesn't do well with Zoloft and can cause additional anxiety and depression. I am freaked out right now. The doc doesn't know I am DID and I am not going to tell her. I have been having trouble with depression recently that has me wanting to go back to see a therapist. I don't need a medication whos side effect is depression. Even if it didn't cause more depression I would obsess on the idea that it would. Not good. Just not good. I just tried to call the dr but it is way after office hours. She is a good cardiologist but no no no no I can't take the drug. I don't like drugs to begin with and now a drug that can cause anxiety and depression. I don't want to make her mad but I can't. I am going to ask her for a referral to a nutritionist to see if maybe I can change my diet. I eat a lot of ****. But there is also a lot of food that I have difficulty having in my mouth. I don't like how some food feels in my mouth. I don't even wait to taste it. I just spit it out before it makes me throw up. I bought a blender recently thinking maybe I can blend vegetables up enough and drink it down fast. I might be able to do that. Right now I am freaked out. No more medications. I don't like them. My body don't like them. Everyone is against this beta blocker. It just doesn't feel right. aaaaaaagggggggggg. I will lose forty pounds, exercise and lower salt intake. That better work because I am done with medications.