[SongBirdandDaisy]

As I work through therapy and work with some of the issues of the my others, I began to question who I am. Am I also a product of a new life event? This one being on a course of healing. It has been said that our minds create this defensive mechanism to deal with the "situation". But can it not also create a host that is receptive to the new ideas and paradigms that are associated with the healing process?

I have never know who "me" was or truly is. Because of the DID, paradigms are constantly switching, beliefs are changing depending upon who is influencing them at the time and what their reality is. Emotions fluctuate as well as skills and memories. So, who am I? As I embark upon this healing journey - who am I?

Does anyone sense that they are not "real"? Has a host been created to unify all that are present? Whether one seeks integration or co-consciousness - it doesn't matter. Someone has to be in charge, someone coordinates, someone takes the lead. So, where did this host come from?

[(JD)]

Ah, you ask a very interesting question (many questions actually.) I think it has been shown that if the original host met some demise for some reason and no longer functions, that a new host can take on the role. Of course adjusting so that you can enjoy good things, and create health would be no different or difficult than to do so to deal with the bad stuff.

I think if you are capable of taking charge of some things at least, then that is a good thing. Don't worry about who or when... you all are in control of the whole, and when it's time, it will happen.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Sky, your answer is thought provoking. It's a good point to not necessarily worry about where or when or who or what. My T has a favorite addage: It is what it is. Sounds simple but helps me to learn acceptance. If I can look at this for what it is, then I can move with it or beyond it.

I would like to know what others think as well. What do you all think about the origin of the host?

i am the "host" and have been for the past 18 yrs or so---occasionally another will front for awhile.
i have no connection to the past except what memories are shared with me, i have no real "issues" but those "normal" everyday things that arise in a fairly stable marriage or life in general. i can handle all the "big stuff" and have not triggers. nor do i have the degree of emotions that others inside have--or even some on the outside.
i believe i was "created" to raise the sons during their teen years, function in the "adult" world and handle "adult" things.
others front now for periods of time as they work thru their issues from the past.
i don't know who is the "core" if that even matters.
we are learning to work as a team each healing at our own pace, each learning to do a "new" job and create a system that works instead of being so fractured.
now, this is the challenge!!!!
don't know if this helps
w_i

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Thank you White Iris, this does help. For some time I have been wondering who or what is real and this is one of the questions that I thought could help to answer this question for me.

The more information I have, the better I can sort this out for myself.

Thank you, Hugs, Anne