[irishmaiden78]

Hello everyone,

We are working on a diagnosis of DID for my 13 year old daughter with ASD. We know she has at least 5 personalities that are very distinct. My question is, how would you suggest we approach this as it's new for us all? With the ASD it can be hard to separate things as a lot of things are comorbid. I know how to handle the ASD as that's something I am familiar with. All suggestions and pointers are more than welcome!

Thanks!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by irishmaiden78

Hello everyone,

We are working on a diagnosis of DID for my 13 year old daughter with ASD. We know she has at least 5 personalities that are very distinct. My question is, how would you suggest we approach this as it's new for us all? With the ASD it can be hard to separate things as a lot of things are comorbid. I know how to handle the ASD as that's something I am familiar with. All suggestions and pointers are more than welcome!

Thanks!

same way you have been handling her since before she was 5 years old. sounds harsh I know, but here in america demographics\statistics show that DID begins in very early childhood before the age of 5. (you can check your locations exact demographics\statistics by contacting your local mental health agency or going to your local library and explaining to the librarian you need to see your locations census reports and statistics reports on mental illness in your location)

getting the diagnosis doesnt change what is already happening, it just puts a name to whats been happening to for your teen ager since before she was 5.

as for directly related to your daughter, your daughters treatment providers will be telling you what her treatment goals and options are and how they expect you to parent her so that the parenting style matches the mental health treatment plans for her.

Im taking a guess since you are her parent that you already meet with her treatment providers about her problems with ASD. My point nothing will change that isnt already happening you will meet with her treatment providers just like you do for her ASD.

[amandalouise]

forgot to add you might also try and figure out who abused your daughter and take steps to clear that situation up legally. here in the USA DID is a mental disorder that happens in very young children due to extreme abuse. if your child has DID then her treatment providers will most likely want to interview her to find out who she has been in contact with in her 13 years and take action against the persons who caused her to have this disorder by abusing her in such horrific ways that her mind created alternate personalities in order to handle that extreme abuse as a young child.

Welcome to PC

I don't really know what to say - everyone is different and have their own preferences. But I know if I was your daughter I would just want everything to be open, honest, upfront, and for all of me to be loved and understood - even the ratty bits of me. I would love to have people around me who acknowledged what was going on, and who talked to the different bits of me as if they were different, rather than pretending nothing was going on.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by irishmaiden78

We are working on a diagnosis of DID for my 13 year old daughter with ASD. We know she has at least 5 personalities that are very distinct. My question is, how would you suggest we approach this as it's new for us all?

1. You can continue to have the willingness to ask these types of questions. You're never going to get it all right, but coming here and asking this question is so significant and heartwarming. I want to reach through the computer and give you a hug myself. Keep asking questions - it's not the answers that will serve you best, it's remaining teachable.

2. Take time for self-care. Parenting isn't easy. Parenting a teen isn't easy. Parenting a teen with ASD isn't easy. Parenting a teen with ASD and DID is beyond 'not easy'. If you don't take care of you, your ability to take care of her will suffer.

Beyond that, I'm going to stop with the suggestions because I think that to be the best parent you can be in this case, you're going to have to find your own answers. I know that kind of flies in the face of what I said earlier about continuing to ask questions so let me explain. She is not ASD or DID - in other words, she is not her diagnosis. Each individual has individual needs and as her parent, you're going to know her best of all.

Imagine traveling to China and being asked by everyone you meet, "What do Americans think of x,y, or z?" It is daunting to speak for an entire country or culture. Likewise, grouping us all together to determine things like needs, desires and wants has serious drawbacks and shortcomings. I can only speak for myself - or in my case, I can speak for two of us... but we would have to say that your approach would be well accepted by most if it was powered by love and acceptance. I think you've already mastered those.

[Shaly78]

ASD can have some similarities to DID especially in a child especially if the five are all 13 years old and younger. If it we me, I would ask if ASD was a misdiagnosis maybe, trauma memories were not there yet, not absolutely necessary from the beginning but it does help to know everything. I just say journal for now for DID, I no nothing about ASD.

[flockpride]

I want you to know how excellent it is that you are working to help your child. Getting her help early in life for the DID is outstanding. I am guessing you've had a hard time with the ASD alone.

I have DID but didn't find out until late in life. I didn't know it. Does your child know what is happening?

One thing you can do is affirm whatever part is out and functioning. Each part is your daughter. I sometimes say, "most people change gears; I switch vehicles." That is to say, all of it is 'me.' You know your daughter better than anyone else does. Love her. Support her. Affirm her.

And for you, figuring out what may have happened to her to bring forth DID is a big task. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by irishmaiden78

Hello everyone,

We are working on a diagnosis of DID for my 13 year old daughter with ASD. We know she has at least 5 personalities that are very distinct. My question is, how would you suggest we approach this as it's new for us all? With the ASD it can be hard to separate things as a lot of things are comorbid. I know how to handle the ASD as that's something I am familiar with. All suggestions and pointers are more than welcome!

Thanks!

[skeksi]

Is she aware of the diagnosis? It may be frightneing for her but at that same time reassuring to know she's not crazy. Acceptance of her experiences is key. She may feel that what is going on inside of her is strange or shameful. Let her share as much as she is comfortable with and accept it completely. If you have not entered into family counseling, that is a good next step.

I also suggest discussing with her treatment team how the ASD and DID overlap.

Sherri: Hi

From what I've read and understand, an abnormally small hippocampus causes one to easily dissociate. Have you a brain scan done?

DID is so accusatory even though nothing evilly bad has happened. A bit of trauma such as a visual observation of even a staged deadly accident can be more than the brain can process according to what I've read.

Therapy and love is all it takes to make one whole. We are slower to learn...but that doesn't mean we can't get well. Just hang in there and give loving support...she'll come around.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

forgot to add you might also try and figure out who abused your daughter and take steps to clear that situation up legally. here in the USA DID is a mental disorder that happens in very young children due to extreme abuse. if your child has DID then her treatment providers will most likely want to interview her to find out who she has been in contact with in her 13 years and take action against the persons who caused her to have this disorder by abusing her in such horrific ways that her mind created alternate personalities in order to handle that extreme abuse as a young child.

Thank you. We already have a police investigation underway for a couple of different things. We are waiting for the detectives at this point in time.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by CassyO

Welcome to PC

I don't really know what to say - everyone is different and have their own preferences. But I know if I was your daughter I would just want everything to be open, honest, upfront, and for all of me to be loved and understood - even the ratty bits of me. I would love to have people around me who acknowledged what was going on, and who talked to the different bits of me as if they were different, rather than pretending nothing was going on.

Oh we are very open and upfront with her! We have to be because sugarcoating doesn't so her a lick of good. lol

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by yagr

1. You can continue to have the willingness to ask these types of questions. You're never going to get it all right, but coming here and asking this question is so significant and heartwarming. I want to reach through the computer and give you a hug myself. Keep asking questions - it's not the answers that will serve you best, it's remaining teachable.

2. Take time for self-care. Parenting isn't easy. Parenting a teen isn't easy. Parenting a teen with ASD isn't easy. Parenting a teen with ASD and DID is beyond 'not easy'. If you don't take care of you, your ability to take care of her will suffer.

Beyond that, I'm going to stop with the suggestions because I think that to be the best parent you can be in this case, you're going to have to find your own answers. I know that kind of flies in the face of what I said earlier about continuing to ask questions so let me explain. She is not ASD or DID - in other words, she is not her diagnosis. Each individual has individual needs and as her parent, you're going to know her best of all.

Imagine traveling to China and being asked by everyone you meet, "What do Americans think of x,y, or z?" It is daunting to speak for an entire country or culture. Likewise, grouping us all together to determine things like needs, desires and wants has serious drawbacks and shortcomings. I can only speak for myself - or in my case, I can speak for two of us... but we would have to say that your approach would be well accepted by most if it was powered by love and acceptance. I think you've already mastered those.

Thank you so much! We always tell her that she is defined by what she has but by who she is and how she acts upon things. We as her family just want the best for her and will go to the end of the earth and back to make sure she is safe, as happy as possible and able to excel at whatever she puts her mind to. I'm trying to learn as much as possible to make sure that we know how to help her best. She's been having major declining mental health and we've had to do a lot of interventions lately so I'm trying to find ideas that may help her get balanced all over again.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by Shaly78

ASD can have some similarities to DID especially in a child especially if the five are all 13 years old and younger. If it we me, I would ask if ASD was a misdiagnosis maybe, trauma memories were not there yet, not absolutely necessary from the beginning but it does help to know everything. I just say journal for now for DID, I no nothing about ASD.

Her new therapy team actually suspects that she may not have ASD but still be on spectrum somewhere. We're waiting on a referral to a psychiatrist who specializes in DID to reassess her actually.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by flockpride

I want you to know how excellent it is that you are working to help your child. Getting her help early in life for the DID is outstanding. I am guessing you've had a hard time with the ASD alone.

I have DID but didn't find out until late in life. I didn't know it. Does your child know what is happening?

One thing you can do is affirm whatever part is out and functioning. Each part is your daughter. I sometimes say, "most people change gears; I switch vehicles." That is to say, all of it is 'me.' You know your daughter better than anyone else does. Love her. Support her. Affirm her.

And for you, figuring out what may have happened to her to bring forth DID is a big task. Hang in there.

Thanks hun. We know at least 5 different personalities. We call it flipping her switch (like a light switch) when each one come out because it can be very sudden. We're still learning who is who though! Major learning curve but have I become familiar with Lilith the protector and antagonizer. lol She does not like being told no!

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by skeksi

Is she aware of the diagnosis? It may be frightneing for her but at that same time reassuring to know she's not crazy. Acceptance of her experiences is key. She may feel that what is going on inside of her is strange or shameful. Let her share as much as she is comfortable with and accept it completely. If you have not entered into family counseling, that is a good next step.

I also suggest discussing with her treatment team how the ASD and DID overlap.

Actually she embraces it, very much so. To her, it makes all the sense in the world for the most part but it can be hard when dealing with her emotions since she's smack dab in the middle of puberty. *sigh* Emotions are hard enough I would think without feeling them from 4 other people.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Sherri: Hi

From what I've read and understand, an abnormally small hippocampus causes one to easily dissociate. Have you a brain scan done?

DID is so accusatory even though nothing evilly bad has happened. A bit of trauma such as a visual observation of even a staged deadly accident can be more than the brain can process according to what I've read.

Therapy and love is all it takes to make one whole. We are slower to learn...but that doesn't mean we can't get well. Just hang in there and give loving support...she'll come around.

Thanks for this! She's had a bit of a stressful life and has had a few head injuries and we are working on getting a head scan. We have to wait for the new medical team to be set up and going but we're getting there.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by irishmaiden78

Hello everyone,

We are working on a diagnosis of DID for my 13 year old daughter with ASD. We know she has at least 5 personalities that are very distinct. My question is, how would you suggest we approach this as it's new for us all? With the ASD it can be hard to separate things as a lot of things are comorbid. I know how to handle the ASD as that's something I am familiar with. All suggestions and pointers are more than welcome!

Thanks!

Hello. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. It is good that your daughter is reciving help with this and that you want to be involved yourself.

I suggest that you ask your daughters therapist for resources, books or other things that might help you better understand or cope with the behaviors associated with this condition.

Someone with DID actually changes in her perception of self/identity-- who she feels and thinks herself to be. Someone else who is looking at her from afar might see clearly that from time to time she acts or talks like very different people. Yet, it is also likely/probable she isnt aware of this going on herself. When a person with DID dissociates her perspective and viewpoint changes, along with her available memory and the experiences she remembers.

DID is thought to develop as an automatic unconscious defense mechanism protecting a child against devastating feelings associated with terrible trauma. Repeated sexual and other abuse, torture, and violation in early childhood are often precursors to DID.

Dissociation is a complete disconnect in awareness from feeling the expereince. It is a way of removing oneself in our mind so that we block out completely the feelings associated with the traumatic expereince, along with the expereince itself. There is memory loss involved with this. Basically,this sort of dissociation is the complete physical and emotional denial of a reality so painful we cannot accept it as being our own.

You might want to broach this aspect of the disorder with the therapist since severe abuse is most likely involved and you will want to know what you can and need to do about this.

take care. keep the faith.

[kaliope]

Having a therapist who specializes in D ID I think is the most important thing ever.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[flockpride]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

DID is thought to develop as an automatic unconscious defense mechanism protecting a child against devastating feelings associated with terrible trauma. Repeated sexual and other abuse, torture, and violation in early childhood are often precursors to DID.

...
You might want to broach this aspect of the disorder with the therapist since severe abuse is most likely involved and you will want to know what you can and need to do about this.

take care. keep the faith.

Severe abuse is not always the cause. It could be trauma associated with a parent's illness or the child believing her life is in danger. If a young child is extremely sensory defensive, situations that seem normal to others can feel life threatening. And some people are more inclined to dissociate as a way to cope and survive.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Severe abuse is not always the cause. It could be trauma associated with a parent's illness or the child believing her life is in danger. If a young child is extremely sensory defensive, situations that seem normal to others can feel life threatening. And some people are more inclined to dissociate as a way to cope and survive.

We've had a lot of upset in her life. Going from living with me then having to live with the grandparents, she's had some head trauma as well from falls during recess and hockey. We're covering all bases.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Hello again. I have had your post on my mind since first reading it. I even posted a couple replies. I admit this matter really hits home to me. I have a lot of feelings as well as opinions about this. Being a survivor myself. Now recovered, now integrated, self aware and self identifying. I was diagnosed very late in life and with so much time being/seeing life and living life in peices (alters/ others /functions) therapy was even more tortuous.

I have come to beleive that it is very important to be able to catch this and diagnose and treat this early on. The more time spent living in reaction, living without a full awareness and recognition of a sense of self and a sense of being connected to a past and part of a continuing life expereince, the harder it is for the patient to recover from.

*** I find is very hopeful that your daughters condition has been recognised at a young age, and that it is being dealt with by someone who understands DID. I find it very hopeful that you have a therapist who recognises what is going on with your daughter, and that you also want to help and work with this.

It is even more hopeful to me that your daughter's personalities have come out and that both her doc and you are aware of them and can inteact with them.

Each of these personalities are connected to that trauma that initiated your daughter's DID condition, and being able to have them available to connect to provides access to what happened and what your daughter has been dealing with in her own internal unconscious fashion. To be able to connect with each of them and hold fast both to the needed discipline of 'house rules' while still allowing each to express her'self' is an amazing opportunity for your daughter to get grounded in where and what she comes from and in the end who she is.

I wish you all the very best in this journey you are taking together. The human brain is an incredible thing. As someone who lived with DID for many years of my life and who was diagnosed very late, it is really good to know that this has been caught at a young age when , in many ways, your daughter has her whole life ahead of her.

[irishmaiden78]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello again. I have had your post on my mind since first reading it. I even posted a couple replies. I admit this matter really hits home to me. I have a lot of feelings as well as opinions about this. Being a survivor myself. Now recovered, now integrated, self aware and self identifying. I was diagnosed very late in life and with so much time being/seeing life and living life in peices (alters/ others /functions) therapy was even more tortuous.

I have come to beleive that it is very important to be able to catch this and diagnose and treat this early on. The more time spent living in reaction, living without a full awareness and recognition of a sense of self and a sense of being connected to a past and part of a continuing life expereince, the harder it is for the patient to recover from.

*** I find is very hopeful that your daughters condition has been recognised at a young age, and that it is being dealt with by someone who understands DID. I find it very hopeful that you have a therapist who recognises what is going on with your daughter, and that you also want to help and work with this.

It is even more hopeful to me that your daughter's personalities have come out and that both her doc and you are aware of them and can inteact with them.

Each of these personalities are connected to that trauma that initiated your daughter's DID condition, and being able to have them available to connect to provides access to what happened and what your daughter has been dealing with in her own internal unconscious fashion. To be able to connect with each of them and hold fast both to the needed discipline of 'house rules' while still allowing each to express her'self' is an amazing opportunity for your daughter to get grounded in where and what she comes from and in the end who she is.

I wish you all the very best in this journey you are taking together. The human brain is an incredible thing. As someone who lived with DID for many years of my life and who was diagnosed very late, it is really good to know that this has been caught at a young age when , in many ways, your daughter has her whole life ahead of her.

Thank you so much for this. We had a therapy session last night and her therapist got to see first hand one of her alters. She went from a talkative person to a very angry and combative person and actually relished in trying to cause physical pain on myself and her grandmother because we are the safe people to do it to. I wrestled with her (me defensively and staying calm the whole time) while she tried to work past me. I'm paying for it today and hurt in my bad shoulder and arm, but I think the whole thing was eye opening for her therapist. He's going to doing some speedy referrals for a psychiatrist for us which is very much needed.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by irishmaiden78

Thank you so much for this. We had a therapy session last night and her therapist got to see first hand one of her alters. She went from a talkative person to a very angry and combative person and actually relished in trying to cause physical pain on myself and her grandmother because we are the safe people to do it to. I wrestled with her (me defensively and staying calm the whole time) while she tried to work past me. I'm paying for it today and hurt in my bad shoulder and arm, but I think the whole thing was eye opening for her therapist. He's going to doing some speedy referrals for a psychiatrist for us which is very much needed.

Hello,

I am glad to know you all got through this latest incident and I am also happy you are getting help with this. Your daughter is fortunate to have parents open and responsive to wanting to help her. You get some rest and take care.